Blair arrives at the boat house to find a pissed off Rachel, who snaps that inviting her to a closed restaurant for dinner and giving her a fake curtain time for the opera is bullshit. THAT was the evil plan, Blair? LAME. Blair tries to apologize, saying that she's trying to not act out against people, but it's a work in progress. Rachel accepts the apology, but after Blair drives away, Rachel calls the headmistress to tattle. Way to teach Blair the mature way to handle things, Iowa.
"Headmistress? Blair Waldorf was mean to me. Normally, I'd just tip over her cow or something, but I don't think that's going to work this time."
Lily's in the bathroom fixing her makeup when an irate Jack enters and locks the door behind him. She claims she's not scared of him, but he gets in her face and prevents her from leaving. Meanwhile, Rufus and Dan are looking for Lily, and Dan mentions it to Chuck, who knows Lily last was seen going to the restroom. Dan walks off and Chuck notices the line for the restroom is ridiculously long. Why this makes Chuck stop and think is beyond me, because lines outside women's restrooms are always ridiculous. The only exception I've ever seen is at major professional sporting events, like Cubs games. In fact, it's often the reverse, with really long lines for the men's room. And those make me laugh. Yeah, bitches, see what it's like to nearly piss yourself waiting in line.
"Jack, this is the women's restroom. You want to do your lines off the toilet tanks in the MEN's restroom."
Chuck goes up to the door and finds it locked, which makes him suspicious. As well he should be -- since Jack is inside attempting to RAPE Lily! WHAT THE FUCK?! Just as it looks like Jack's going to win their struggle, Chuck breaks down the door, pulls Jack off of Lily and punches him in the face. My, how time changes people. Jack is carted off just as Rufus rushes in and very non-chalantly escorts Lily out. Way to be concerned, Rufus.
"The only Bass who gets to go around raping chicks is ME, Jack!"
The next morning, Lily and Rufus are acting like she didn't almost get raped when Chuck arrives. Turns out Lily didn't press charges, and Jack is safely on his way back to Sydney to rape some Aussie girls. Lily is now the interim head of Bass Industries, but reveals she will turn over everything to Chuck on his 18th birthday, for all she wants is him as a part of her family. Touched, Chuck fights down the man tears and asks if he can move back in, which of course Lily accepts.
"Frankly, the thought of all those memos and reports and... well, reading in general... just really scares the shit out of me."
Blair's on the phone with Serena, gushing that the headmistresses wants to meet with her. Ruh roh. Serena, meanwhile, is clearly having second thoughts about her awful relationship with Dan -- which appears to be mutual as we see Dan ignore Serena's incoming call. Well I don't think Dan will be lonely boy for long, as Rachel shows up at the gallery, all like "Call me Rachel. Did I mention I get off on pompous douchebags and terrible writing?" Fucking a student is so not small-town midwestern girl, Rach.
There's naiveté and there's mental retardation. I'm going with the latter.
Blair arrives at the headmistress's office, with Gossip Girl making ominous commentary about things coming to an end. The headmistress wastes no time getting to it -- Blair has detention (oh noes!), and Yale has been notified, resulting in her acceptance being placed on hold. If Blair acts like a good girl during this probation, Yale's still possible. If not... Blair walks out of the office where Dorota and the puppy are waiting. Instead of being scared and eager to please the headmistress, B declares war. Of course she does. She warns Dorota that she's going to wait until the moment is right then get her revenge on Rachel, ninja-style. Well if Rachel starts banging Dan, that may provide some good ammo.
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Comments (7)
Hey, great recap! I look forward to these and was wondering why it was so late, but good job! :D
Personally, I like the earlier formats, but this was still good. I especially loved the screen cap of Nate and Dan:
"I'm only dating Vanessa to get closer to you, big boy."
"Aww, shucks..."
That was classic!
Keep it up :D
1 of 7 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on February 1, 2009 10:34 PM
"I still don't see why we can't listen to my music instead. I have this great little tune called 'Run Away.' Perhaps you've heard it one of the 4,145 times I've sang it?"
I just laughed out loud by myself in my dorm room. Embarrassing, but completely awesome.
2 of 7 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on February 1, 2009 11:58 PM
I was thinking the same thing, too, about her pregnancy. Usually shows make some sort of effort to hide it past dark colors, but not Gossip Girl.
Also, I am glad Jack is gone. I can only accept one smarmy Bass, and that spot is reserved for Chuck. That being said, I hope he is back to being Chuck sooner rather than later.
And Nate and Vanessa can break up anytime. Or Vanessa can just die or leave or something. I prefer both Nate and Jenny without Vanessa around.
3 of 7 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on February 2, 2009 3:37 AM
I didn't notice the difference between formats so either one is cool with me.
The screencaps were hilarious!
Maybe the writers are hooking Lily and Rufus up so fast to knock Lily up, which would include Kelly's bump into the show. Now THAT would be a good storyline-> linking Dan and Serena with a present sibling instead of just a past one that no one knows.
I like Blair's minions more than Jenny. Nate & Vanessa are plot devices at this point, but we still need them to move the plots along. Plus, without Nate and Vanessa, Dan and Chuck would have only each other as friends. :)
4 of 7 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on February 2, 2009 4:10 PM
i always read your recaps but this one was hilarious. i hate vanessa (she is like teresa from the OC but she wont leave/die) and i just watched the new episode which was way more of a crazy episode then this one, i can not wait until you recap it! i am way too old to be watching this show but its hilarious and its fun. whenever i scream at the tv i know its been a good show right? thanks again and i appreciate your amazing humor for such a ridiculous show that i have not missed a single week of!
5 of 7 | Posted by mynameisjenn | Posted on February 2, 2009 7:51 PM
This is probably too much info to put out there in cyber-space, but the photo on the 3rd page with the caption:
"Are you as bored by this plot line as I am?" Abso-fucking-lutely."
I couldn't help just stare at it, thinking - good lord that is an amazing rack!! UGH - I feel dirty :(
Anyway - I have a question:
So, Jack has been sent away, after attempting to rape Lilly, correct? So WTF happened to the storyline about him and Blair hooking up? Remember, "he can't know what happened on New Years" Are the writers telling us that Blair has a strange fetish for potential-rapists? I know that's a little harsh, but I'm kinda confused here.
Oh well - excellent recap, regardless!! Till next time...
6 of 7 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on February 3, 2009 7:56 AM
I have a feeling Jack will be back and so will the parents of that fake dead adopted child. I'm still hoping Bart faked his death so maybe that will bring Jack back to NYC somehow?
Loved the recap, although if I hadn't watched last night's episode before reading I would have had to disagree with the "remember when people cared about my storylines" Chuck screencap. But WHAT WAS that Eyes Wide Shut (as Chuck himself said) BS about last night?!
7 of 7 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on February 3, 2009 9:41 AM