It's the morning after the infamous Kiss on the Lips party, and Upchuck's dad is throwing a lavish brunch to which the crème of the crème of the Upper East side has been invited. Meaning: no Humphreys. Because they're poor. Unfazed by this societal bitch slap, Dan begins his morning by checking in on his little sis, to make sure she's recovered from nearly being raped by the Upchuckster himself the night before. Jenny reassures him she's fine, just a little mad at herself that she believed that Upchuck only wanted to "talk" when he lured her to the roof like a fat kid with cake.

Jenny quickly turns the topic on Dan, asking him how he's holding up after the way last night ended. We flash back to the cab carrying Jenny, Dan and Serena pulling up to the Palace. Her hand on the door, Serena hovers expectantly for a few moments and Dan is oblivious to the invitation in her eyes. Annoyed, Serena gets out of the car alone. Jenny hisses for Dan to follow, and as he lunges towards the door, Serena slams it right in his face, hitting him squarely. It's hard to tell, but I like to think she did that on purpose. The cabbie starts driving away, and at Jenny's scream to stop, slams on the breaks, throwing brother and sister against the plastic divider. Dan moans that he has brain damage, which he deserves for being such a tool. Out on the street, Serena sees the cab lurch to a stop and walks up to the window, confused. Seeing her peering in, Dan smiles awkwardly and then waves like a complete buffoon. The cab pulls away leaving Serena standing there, a look of disgust on her face. It's pretty humiliating for Dan, all around. I understand not wanting to make a move in front of your kid sister, but if you're that bad at reading women you might as well castrate yourself now, since that thing won't be getting any use for the next 50 years.

When I wear gold lame' I expect to get some ass.

Dan groans that the wave couldn't have been that bad, and Jenny convinces him that he should go apologize to Serena in person since he doesn't have any dignity left anyway. Meanwhile, Serena is telling her brother, Mushroom, the same wave story. She's unsure whether the wave was Dan's way of being funny, or a sign that he hated her. The 'Shroom, who's been using his time in the psych ward to catch up on his Dr. Phil reruns, calls out Serena for having a big thing for Dan. Serena admits it, and changes the subject to how bitchy Blair was at KOTL. Serena muses that maybe she'll go talk to Blair in person to sort it out.

Across town, Blair is holding court with her minions, fuming that Serena better not show up at brunch. Hmm, so Serena coming to talk to Blair would probably be a bad idea. In an alarmingly quick mood change, she then happily declares that she's going to call Nate, her boyfriend, whom she loves and who loves her. Saying it out loud does not make it true, dearie. I could sit here all day and tell myself how rich I am, and I'll still be eating fucking Ramen tonight. Blair coos to Nate on the phone for the minions' benefit, sprinkling the conversation with various endearments while asking if he'll be attending brunch. Nate, on the receiving end of this nausea, is a complete wreck, dirty and hungover on a couch. As Blair drones on, Nate shifts into an upright position to see Upchuck in bed, and he's not alone. Nope, there are two maids curled up with him, both of which are young and hot. Okay first, Upchuck had a threesome with Nate in the room? Gross. And second, where the hell did these hot maids come from? The maids at the hotels I usually stay at are like 45 years old, hunchbacked, with tufts of hair protruding from various parts of their faces. Goddamn Motel 6.

Upchuck's theory: Dress like something girls like to suck on and see what happens.

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Posted in Gossip Girl by LoLo at 3:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: lbonnerz on Nov 15, 2007 05:56 PM.