Testimonials

Over in the nicest ghetto ever, Dan arrives home and melodramatically throws himself on his bed without greeting Jenny or Rufus, probably because Jenny's a twit and Rufus is wearing Power Beads. Dan bitterly complains that Nate got the Dartmouth spot, and hilariously says that last year Nate did have an original thought in his head, but it died of loneliness. Dan apologizes to Rufus for not making the most of the opportunities given to him, and Rufus correctly refuses to accept the apology and even more correctly points out that not being selected as an usher isn't the end of Dan's Dartmouth aspirations. Danny Downer waves him off to be alone in his misery.

Uptown, Serena's walking along, listening to her iPod while Upchuck's limousine follows her, only a few feet away. I know the iPod prevents her from hearing the car idling behind her, but I didn't know it knocked out her peripheral vision too. Serena walks into the Ostroff Treatment Center for the Addicted and Disturbed to visit the Mushroom, and Upchuck delightedly calls Blair to spread the word. Blair's hanging out with Nate (who is flipping through the book Dan recommended, looking for pictures), and she answers the phone by pretending her mom is calling. This should have tipped Nate off right away since not even Blair's maid loves her, but alas he's too busy with that "reeding" stuff.

Serena, dressed as if she's playing the lead in "Romeo and Juliet" later that night, and the Mushroom arrive at school for the mixer. Serena asks if Lily's seen the Yale rep, and Lily points out that Serena wants to go to Brown, and Blair wants to go to Yale. Serena, of course, is well aware of that fact. She finds Blair with the Yale rep, and quickly slides in to refill his drink after subtly insulting Blair. Furious, Blair stalks over to Upchuck and demands to know why he is letting Serena commandeer the rep he's supposed to be ushering. Upchuck gestures to a MILF and replies that he switched because now he's trying to get into Princeton. The implication is clear and Blair and I are both disgusted. But Upchuck shakes her off by pointing out the mixer's newest arrival - Dr. Ostroff, head of the treatment center. Blair gleefully swoops in to greet him as we head to another commercial.

Did you know her boyfriend would rather sleep with me than her? Isn't that precious?

Nate is trying to impress the Dartmouth rep by complimenting him on his book. Unfortunately, Nate was never able to find the movie version of the book, and therefore has no idea what he's talking about when the rep starts asking for specific opinions. Realizing what an ass he's making of himself, he ducks and runs for cover.

The Mushroom's hanging out with his mother when Upchuck Senior, with whom Lily's having a secret affair, stops by to say hello and ask how Florida was. Clearly uncomfortable with lying about his whereabouts, the Mushroom excuses himself and darts inside, passing the minions on the way. Not only have they both slipped on ridiculous glasses to look smart, but it seems that at least one of them actually is, as we hear her babbling about something complicated and sciencey sounding to a rep. For the record, it's Katy, the Asian one (of course), not like there's any reason for us to give a shit and try to differentiate them at this time. But way to use one of the two racial minorities to perpetuate a racial stereotype! Once inside, the Mushroom comes across Jenny, wearing Blair's puffy blue dress that will cost her her soul.

Dan, meanwhile, is manning the refreshment table when Nate walks up. Dan asks how it's going with the Dartmouth rep and Nate admits that he has no idea what he's doing. Dan gives Nate conversational tips and offers to wipe his ass for him later since Nate is evidently completely helpless. Specifically, Dan suggests Nate bring up "The Lorax," and Nate drops even lower in my opinion when he doesn't know what that is. It's a children's book for chrissakes, Nate. Are you completely illiterate? Nate ultimately suggests that Dan bring the Dartmouth rep the drinks instead. After Dan skips off, Cappy grabs Nate to demand what Nate thinks he's doing. Nate finally gets the balls to tell Cappy that he doesn't want to go to Dartmouth and to back the hell off. I give Nate approximately 20 minutes before he's groveling for Cappy's forgiveness, like an abused housewife.

Where's Joan Rivers when you need her?

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Posted in Gossip Girl by LoLo at 1:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: two fives and a ten on Oct 10, 2007 06:26 AM.