The episode begins in Blair's nightmare, where Serena has reclaimed her position as Head Plastic, and Blair's Audrey Hepburn 'do has made her look 20 years older. The trauma of premature aging wakes Blair up, and she heads down to find her mom and Serena getting chummy over croissants or scones, or whatever the hell rich people binge and purge on. Mommy Dearest breaks the news that a department store is going to carry her line of hideous dresses, throwing veiled insults at her daughter while simultaneously praising Serena. Who else doesn't think this friendship is going to last long?

Meanwhile, Upchuck's throwing a party in his hotel suite to celebrate the end of Ivy Week and the departure of those Princeton MILFs. Before the guests arrive, Upchuck shows Nate a pricey watch and a priceless Babe Ruth baseball, and locks them away in a drawer. Now this party consists of a bunch of horny boys and some upper-class hookers Upchuck's daddy paid for. Fun times. Some random dude named Carter shows up, causing quite the stir. Nate exposits that Carter's been MIA since he graduated like four years ago, and Upchuck scornfully observes that Carter looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies. I don't know if y'all follow the tabloids, but Upchuck was definitely not paying this Carter kid a compliment:

Part man, part ... dog?

Serena and Blair are shopping, and a couple skeezy, older men blatantly check them out as they walk by. Blair fishes for compliments by complaining that the guys were only looking at Serena, and then brings up how Mommy Dearest only had eyes for Serena as well. Serena tries to convince Blair otherwise, but it's a pretty weak attempt and Blair heads into another store alone, leaving Serena on the street. But lo and behold, Dan happens to be walking by, and Serena flags him down to harass him about when they're going on another date. Before Dan can tell her he's going to be washing his hair, Blair returns and bitchily tells Dan he smells like pork and cheese and announces that when Serena's done with her charity work, to come meet her at another location. Blair flounces away, and Dan points out that Blair had acted like a psycho bitch at the Ivy Week mixer and questions why Serena's hanging out with her. Serena explains that they have to make up for at least a few episodes, and runs off after again instructing Dan to call her. She's lucky her hotness outweighs her evident desperation.

Back at Upchuck's party, Carter is weaving tales about how he threw away his trust fund to do volunteer work and help the world or some shit. Nate's powder-blue sweater is intrigued, but Upchuck is having none of it and basically tells him to STFU with all his do-gooder talk and go fuck some hookers. Upchuck flags down a pair of the aforementioned fallen doves, and after he departs to go acquire some new diseases, Carter tells Nate about some high stakes poker game and encourages him to join. Something smells fishy, and it ain't just the entertainment.

This party is totally bad-ass. It's got Wii Sports and everything!

In some awfully contrived scene, Mommy Dearest is pondering which model to use for her new Ugly by Eleanor Waldorf line, when her faithful assistant suggests that Blair might be the perfect candidate. Standing nearby, Serena overhears the suggestion and shoves an oblivious Blair forward to accept. Mommy Dearest realizes that having her spawn as her model may make good press and agrees, while Blair giggles - GIGGLES - happily over the fact her mom has finally paid attention to her other than to insult her. Munchkin, it's business, not personal, but keep on grinning like an idiot.

Back at Blair's, the UES Mensa society must be holding it's monthly meeting, for Blair, Serena, and the minions are all in the same room. Blair is positively giddy, and she and Serena make goofy modeling poses while the minions faithfully try to copy. Dan calls Serena, but Blair scoops up the phone first to try to convince Dan to just go away. After amusingly calling Dan "Cabbage Patch" after his doll, Blair relinquishes the phone to Serena, and Dan asks Serena out to a move that night.

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Posted in Gossip Girl by LoLo at 1:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: blahblah on Oct 19, 2007 06:42 PM.