TVgasm Recaps

Boy did I have a scare tonight! For a moment, I thought American Idol had premiered two weeks early, but it turned out I was merely watching Grease: You're the One That I Want, NBC's latest and probably most successful attempt to rip off that Fox behemoth. We've seen a lot of imitators over the years, but nothing seems to be as much of a blatant copycat job as this show (So You Think You Can Dance gets a pass due to its shared Idol producers).

Now, just because You're the One That I Want is wildly derivative doesn't mean that it's necessarily bad. I actually enjoyed it. First, there's the source material -- Grease -- a musical that's so ingrained in pop culture that people like me who've only seen the movie once or twice still know practically all the songs and characters. Because of this, our ability to be armchair talent scouts is stronger than ever. Second, the concept is pretty neat. Season after season of American Idol, there's always some contestant who stirs up a controversy because his or her voice is too Broadway-ish for the competition. Well, now we don't have to worry about that. Future Clays and Constantines and Justins finally have a home. Plus, we don't have to be embarrassed if we like them (and to set the record straight, I did not like Clay, Constantine, or Justin).

Anyhoo, enough with this handjive of an intro. Let's get to the show!

Well, it was week two of auditions for Grease: You're The One That I Want, and if New York taught us anything, it's that this upcoming production of Grease might, you know, suck. Let's just say that the producers don't seem to be drawing from the greatest talent pool. True, there were some solid singers in the bunch, but considering these tryouts were in New York City, theater capital of North America, I simply assumed we'd be able to find more than a handful of guys and dolls who could carry a tune and dance a few steps. Not so much. On the bright side, these auditions tore a loving couple asunder; so we did have a mere flash of drama. Not even Billy Bush and his periwinkle scarf could deny us that.

By Krank Mills

Previously on Grease: Open cattle calls. Some people were good (though in all honesty, I can't remember a single great performance), some were meh, but pretty (I'm looking right at you, Ashley Anderson), but mostly people sucked. And sucked. Aaaand sucked.

Today's episode opens with the final 48 getting off yellow school busses at Grease Academy. My question is, where did they get on those busses? The powers-that-be have gone in such a weird direction for this TV show. This Grease Academy we've been hearing so much about for the past two weeks is an actual school somewhere that production has high-jacked and turned into a Broadway-star training facility. First-class all the way. The nervous energy is palpable as all the potential Sandy's and Danny's wonder what they've gotten themselves into.

The latest episode of Grease: You're The One That I Want was an exercise in bad pants, nicknames and back stories. Yes, with the contestants narrowed down to twelve (Or are they?! [NO, THEY'RE NOT AND I'M TOTALLY FURIOUS!]) And two hours to fill, we learn a little bit about everyone and then give them nicknames that boil that entire life story into one totally non-succinct adjective. For most contestants, I found the nicknames the show gave them insufficient and decided to create my own. And did I mention it was TWO FREAKING HOURS LONG? I seriously might fall into a coma by the end of this.  

This week on Grease: We lose our first two finalists. Take a wild guess who. But the voting process has a twist and people are UP IN ARMS about it. I, for one, am not so incensed because I am all in favor of Philosopher Kings ruling my reality shows. They do know better! It's their job, people.

Plus this week, the special guest judge is Andrew Lloyd Webber, whom the commercials kept touting as the Master of the Modern Musical. I wish I were watching this with Stephen Sondheim to hear what he'd have to say about that particular untruth. (Also because that would be the COOLEST EVER.)

Huzzah! This week's episode of Grease: You're the One That I Want is only one hour long. I wonder how will they cram in ten performances, PLUS a sing-off? Why, duets, of course! But there's an undertone through this whole show (especially when Austin performs) that duets week is just an excuse to make the Danny's prove their ability to play hetero. It's both awesome and uncomfortable at the same time. To aid the hide-the-fey effort, they're not singing showtunes, and we're back to crappy, dated pop songs. Annoyance level: Yellow/Elevated.

On this week's episode of Grease: You're the One That I Want, only the girls sing, which had the potential to be really boring (if you've been reading my recaps you can probably tell I likey the eye candy), but luckily the Dannys were still around to dance back-up and some of the Sandys were pretty good too. It was an alliteration-filled episode of pillow fights, nighties and almost-nip-slips. Ha, as if any straight guys watch this.

Also, I discovered the nbc.com photo portraits of the contestants. It's a veritable treasure trove of hilarity...

This week on Grease our final four Danny's compete for our votes and have "unique challenges" (ie, weaknesses) to work on this week. How thrilling. Can Derek overcome his crack-tacular performance from two weeks ago? How is Chad's self-esteem after being in the bottom two last week? Can Austin be funny and loose? Can Max lead the pack? And which girl is going home?

Quick answers: No, not great, no, YES and sooooo obvious.

Anyways, this week on Grease, it's Family Night, complete with adorable siblings young and old, videos from home and tears. Oh the tears!

Tonight's episode perfectly embodied what this whole Grease experience has been about. The final four Dannys and Sandys performed for AMERICA's votes. They each sang half a song from Grease and half of two pop songs. We saw dancing in a group number and didn't see any acting. We measured chemistry by looking at the Dannys and Sandys side by side. And now we have to judge who should go into Grease on Broadway. Is it any wonder this is going to be a train wreck when these few weeks of pop performances are what we have to judge these people hand-picked by the judges?

And you know what I heard last week? That the grand prize on this show is ONE WEEK on Broadway in Grease. Now, I've had no verification on the matter, which is where you come in. Heard anything to the contrary?