Calling him Macho Max and "Rocky Danny", Ryan introduces Max, singing "Hard to Handle." It's not an easy song to sing, but Max is awwwwwesome. He sounds good, moves well and I'm totes buying the macho. Except, for someone who's trying to prove his macho-ness, Max sure has gotten some manscaping done (see the eyebrows). During the applause the cameras flash to Allie. OUT OF MY FACE, HO. Before going to the judges, Ryan Seacrest takes a moment to ask Max about Allie. Awwwwkward. But what a gentleman, Max refuses to kiss and tell. And that's why we're lovers.
It's a crazy eyes epidemic! Someone call the CDC!
David Ian looks at Max with true love in his eyes and says, "what a transformation." Agreed. He goes on to say that even though Max is an unconventional choice, you believe him out of pure talent. He just hopes that Broadway is ready for him as a sex symbol. I think he'll do fine. If John Gallagher, Jr. can be a Broadway sex symbol, so can Max. Jim says that while Max may not be built like The Hulk, he sure has talent! And why would you want Danny built like The Hulk? Kathleen comments that Max has this great ability to take whatever they give him and make it his own. YES! That's what I said last week!
Cat Deeley gives us the number if you're a "slacker backer." Who writes this shit? And then the number for Ticketmaster flashes. GOD what a freaking Broadway marketing genius move this show is. Do you know how much commercials cost on TV? And how much a Broadway budget is? Even though this TV show is struggling in the ratings it's like one GIANT commercial for Grease the stage show. Every freaking tourist that comes to New York this summer is going to see this... instead of something artistically interesting... And now I want to cry.
Hey, remember how Chad was in the bottom last week? Well it's all they talk about in his preview video this week. Also, Chad's exercise was to project to the back of a Broadway house, so this week he has to master Shakespeare in an empty theater. Why empty? He goes to meet with a UCLA professor to work on Romeo's famous monologue from Romeo and Juliet. The professor tells him to pretend he's saying these words to Sandy after she left him at the drive-in. Run away Chad, I think he's a hack! (Don't write to me, I'm sure he's actually esteemed.)
Chad's wearing some shirt he bought at Kitson or Fred Segal or some shit like that, with a pirate symbol and all these patches and buttons all over it. I may have some unreasonable anger towards the shirt, but look at it:
I think he's one of those dreaded "Butt Pirates" I keep hearing about
Kathleen says that Chad needs to dial up the dynamic energy and charisma this week during his performance of Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now." He doesn't really deliver that. This song is too low for him and he sounds kind of pitchy towards the beginning. It sounds like mediocre karaoke. He also tilts his head down a lot because I think he thinks it looks intense or sexy or something, but really it just makes him look like a rabid elf. The girls he's dancing with (Laura and Allie) are thisclose to showing us their cooches.
What did the judges think? Kathleen Marshall felt that he went in and out vocally, and perhaps he was focusing too much on the movement. Agreed. She also wants to see him make the performances his own and not just do what they tell him to do correctly. Jim thinks "the blue-eyed soul of the show" Chad is too pretty-looking and suggests cutting his face. Chad, I think it's time for a restraining order against Jim Jacobs. He's nuts. I wouldn't put it past him. David Ian didn't think it was great, but disagrees with Jim, saying Chad's not too pretty, and that he would sell lots of tickets. Always looking at that bottom line, David Ian is.
Now, because there is no guest of any kind this week, we have a filler-video of what the contestants' weeks are like. It's pretty much what you'd expect: They get up early Monday, go to the studio, get their song and start rehearsing. Fascinating picture. I get a brief glimpse of my arch-enemy: the costumer of this show. Watch your back, hack!
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Comments (11)
Yea! I've been waiting for the recap to this show! Fab job, Krank! This show is so cheesy, yet I can't stop watching it...the recaps make it all the better!
Austin still creeps me out for some reason. I'm rooting for Max. And didn't it look like "the boys" had taken a little dip in some Crisco before their Greased Lightning routine. Ick!
1 of 11 | Posted by KikiC
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Posted on March 8, 2007 3:45 PM
Kranky, great review! I've been reading recaps/reviews on ew.com for a while and have been disappointed with many reviewers. Then tonight someone told me about this website and your review was the first I read. I'm hooked. Thanks for the entertainment!!!!!
2 of 11 | Posted by yc
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Posted on March 8, 2007 11:15 PM
After watching an "all Danny" episode, I had to quickly turn on some hockey to get the testosterone going again. Whew, that was close!
Bottom line, Austin is too pretty and fem to be believable as a hood. Derek, the early favorite, appears to have the look but not the chops. Chad would be a serviceable second choice, but this thing belongs to Max. The fact he's a little skinny and awkward works. We all forget because the part is usually played by 30 y/o men, but Danny is actually supposed to be in HIGH SCHOOL! He can sing, dance and can convey drama and comedy in his performances. I don't recall anyone saying anything bad about his acting, so I'll assume he's got that covered too. Plus he's the only Danny to bag himself one of those lovely Sandies, so he gets extra credit for that too.
3 of 11 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on March 9, 2007 6:50 AM
This Show is still on?
I believe that the Broadway show will flop. Non of these people should go on to New York. I stopped watching after the 2nd show, it just wasn't what I was hoping for.
4 of 11 | Posted by WhoMe?
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Posted on March 9, 2007 6:56 AM
WhoMe, putting aside any discussion of whether this show will be any good or not, there is no way it will flop. Tourists and families will keep this show running for years, particularly with all the promotion the show is providing. When tourists come in to the City and lay out the kind of money it takes to see a Broadway show, they tend to go for the familiar where they know exactly what they're going to get as opposed to something a little edgier like "Spring Awakening" (which was amazing BTW).
Krank, do have access to any news on what kind of advance sales the show has been bringing in?
5 of 11 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on March 9, 2007 7:39 AM
you make me laugh, krank, you make me laugh.
6 of 11 | Posted by DGlaze
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Posted on March 9, 2007 8:17 AM
Watching Austin Miller trying to be fun/funny was like watching Stone Phillips try to be fun or funny. Or it's like that scene from the first "Austin Powers" where Dr. Evil is like, "I'm with it! I'm hip!" and then does the Macarena. Like Jim Jacobs said, it was just too forced. (Hmm, Austin Miller/Austin Powers...free association perhaps?)
It came out especially when Austin said something like "You can see it in my eyes" or "Look into my eyes" and then someone (David Ian, I think) said you have to look *behind* the eyes. Austin's just not goofy enough to be Danny.
7 of 11 | Posted by pabulum28
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Posted on March 9, 2007 9:49 AM
The name of the song Derek sang (er, cracked) is actually "Heaven" by Bryan Adams.
Max all the way. He doesn't have to be too over-the-top macho to be attractive to women, because that goofy thing works on us too. He has enough confidence to pull off the role, definitely. In other news, Austin scares me.
8 of 11 | Posted by Lisa
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Posted on March 9, 2007 10:21 AM
Great recap!! But I was hoping you would make fun of Cat's crazy dress and the fact that Cat and Hester are apparently BFFL (did you notice how much Cat was crying?!?) Go Austin!!
9 of 11 | Posted by abbeylane
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Posted on March 10, 2007 4:06 AM
That girl screaming for Austin during his performance was by far the most entertaining part of the show. Wow, she *really* needs her gaydar fixed.
I'll go so far as to say I hope Max wins, although I really didn't buy him as the tough guy he was trying to play. I laughed a few times during his performance because he reminded me of a little boy wearing his dad's clothes trying to act tough.
10 of 11 | Posted by 626
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Posted on March 10, 2007 10:42 AM
I don't know if you meant it as a joke, but the male host is not Ryan Seacrest. It's Billy Bush, cousin of President George Bush and the current host of Access Hollywood. I don't think he's that recognizable, but he doesn't look like Ryan Seacrest either.
http://www.colby.edu/colby.mag/issues/win04/bush/
11 of 11 | Posted by blue | Posted on March 30, 2007 6:19 PM