Well, it was week two of auditions for Grease: You're The One That I Want, and if New York taught us anything, it's that this upcoming production of Grease might, you know, suck. Let's just say that the producers don't seem to be drawing from the greatest talent pool. True, there were some solid singers in the bunch, but considering these tryouts were in New York City, theater capital of North America, I simply assumed we'd be able to find more than a handful of guys and dolls who could carry a tune and dance a few steps. Not so much. On the bright side, these auditions tore a loving couple asunder; so we did have a mere flash of drama. Not even Billy Bush and his periwinkle scarf could deny us that.
This week's show started where it should have all along: on Broadway. Yes, after last week's auditions in Los Angeles and Chicago, it was time for the Big Apple, but let's not rush ourselves. Just because this was an audition show didn't mean we had to see actual auditions -- at least, not for the first six minutes. As this installment opened up, we had to sit through endless background information about the premise of this show, what was at stake, and what the hell Grease was in the first place. Hint: if you don't know what Grease is, you shouldn't even be watching this show. Luckily, the producers finally realized that we had no idea who this Denise Van Outen was; so they granted us an extensive biography of her. Yes, Billy Bush revealed to us that Denise played Roxie in Chicago... and that was it. So informative!
Around six minutes into this mess, we finally met our first auditioners: Matthew Carpenter and Sarah Salvador. They were real life sweethearts who had met in a rinky dink production of Grease. What a beautiful story. Now excuse me while I fall into a Rip Van Winkle catatonic state.
Well, even though we met Matt and Sarah, we didn't actually get to see them audition. Instead, that honor went to some Hungarian girl who couldn't remember her lines. To prove this point, we sat through a montage of her flubbing a line over and over again. Silly foreigners and their inability to remember things! The girl finally got on stage and sang to the judges, and while she wasn't out and out awful, her beguiling accent wasn't exactly what anyone had imagined for Sandra Dee, unless this new production reimagined her as a mail-order bride from the Eastern Block. Jim (the mustachioed writer of Grease) said he loved her, but "We're not doing this in Transylvania right now." It might have been a moderately amusing comment... if Transylvania were in Hungary. Which it's not.
Next up was Ashley Anderson, a blonde girl who Billy Bush inexplicably dubbed an Olivia Newton-John lookalike. Needless to say, she looked nothing like Olivia Newton John. Not even close.
Anyway, she sounded nice enough, but when it came to one high note in her song, her voice tragically cracked. Luckily, the judges were enamored with her (on account of that Olivia Newton-John resemblance, I'm sure) and let her try again. And again, her voice cracked. Producer David Ian then announced that she'd have one more chance to hit the note. If she succeeded, she'd be invited back for the next round. If she failed, it was back to waitressing. What would it be? Not even Denise Van Outen could bear the suspense as she cringed with apprehension backstage. Luckily, it was all for naught. Ashley summoned all the powers of her blandness and hit that high note. Bravo. Your forgettable charm has done you well!
We then sat through a montage of singers who all made the judges smile widely, and then next up was an Italian Stallion named Robert, who most likely was paid by the producers to act like an idiot for these judges. You see, he was all muscle and mousse, but no talent. He managed to butcher "We Are The Champions" by Queen so badly that he made Ace Young look like a genius. Robert then did this bit where he forgot the lyrics, which felt very stagey, and then he fought with the judges when they refused to let him sing anymore. SHUT UP. Just collect your $150 from the producers and move on.
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Comments (8)
"And who else is excited to see this done right tomorrow on Idol?"
Me. Bring on the Paula Show.
hb
1 of 8 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on January 15, 2007 2:07 PM
"It might have been a moderately amusing comment... if Transylvania were in Hungry. Which it's not." And it isn't even Hungary either. ;)
I'm still hoping that this show gets better. Hopefully the Grease Academy will provide some better drama.
Add me to the list of those excited for Idol just as long as that means that we get the live streams back. We get Katie and J-Unit back, right?
2 of 8 | Posted by mountain_girl
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Posted on January 15, 2007 2:19 PM
I had to watch this after reading the last recap. Wow. I gotta give Soccer Matt props for trying out even though he realizes he'll get his ass kicked by his jock buddies when he gets home, but what a box of rocks. Loved the Sarah storm-off, even though we all knew it was coming. I liked Rizzo, too bad they won't give her a shot a different role. Did anyone catch the Hungarian chick telling the camera how she had won some award for a show she did back home? Or did I hear it wrong? I'm thinking if you make it in Hungary, well, you're not going to make it any where.
P.S. B-Side, those are leggings, not leg warmers! Do you need a copy of Totally Awesome 80's Trivial Pursuit?
3 of 8 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on January 15, 2007 2:59 PM
"Double-ended dildo parties"....what sort of experiences are you having tvaholic?!
Good recap, lame show. Bring on the GODZILLA that is American Idol.
4 of 8 | Posted by MTV4ME
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Posted on January 15, 2007 5:13 PM
Umm...ok...just wondering why the dildo question was aimed at me. Have you been looking in my windows, MTV4ME?
5 of 8 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on January 16, 2007 9:43 AM
Hello. My name is Megan. No joke. And thank you for that tip on my fashion sense. I know its screwed up. And oh, I completely forgot they don't take big girls because...I WASN'T IN L.A. Maybe you need to understand that I am a real person, and don't give me that "Mary Catherine Gallagher" crap. I attend Talent Unlimited High School and MAJOR in Musical Theater. There is so much more that they recorded that they didn't show. You're recap is so flawed. You act like you know me. And as for the "wailing" I wasn't allowed to sing a musical theater song or showtunes in general. It was between "Sir Duke" and "I Could be in Love with Someone Like You".
And I wasn't cry because I got rejected. On stage I started to talk about my mom. She had recieved knee surgery two days earlier, and now, here she was, waiting around 11 hours to see just the producers, and I'm making her sit there. I felt like total crap making her wait that long, when she was on crutches. The judges seemed genuinely happy with me, and I saw the rejection that others faced, so why make it any different for me?
I'm not ranting to you specifically, but to make a recap and call me "fashion challenged", you try finding a nice outfit in size 16.
Okay, I feel better now.
And thank you for your critques. I know you are respected individual who thinks that these people don't have real lives.
6 of 8 | Posted by MusicalTheaterFreak
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Posted on January 16, 2007 5:25 PM
MusicalTheaterFreak, You were 16 and overwieght trying out for a Broadway musical. Of course they said no. I dont even think they are allowed to hire someone who's 16.
7 of 8 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on January 17, 2007 12:50 PM
While they could hire someone who's 16 that would only open them up to all kinds of extra regulations. They'd have to watch how long she worked, have a tutor and child welfare hanging around. Way more trouble than it's worth. Broadway never hires kids unless they're doing something where short young looking adults won't work.
8 of 8 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on January 18, 2007 9:56 AM