This week's show started where it should have all along: on Broadway. Yes, after last week's auditions in Los Angeles and Chicago, it was time for the Big Apple, but let's not rush ourselves. Just because this was an audition show didn't mean we had to see actual auditions -- at least, not for the first six minutes. As this installment opened up, we had to sit through endless background information about the premise of this show, what was at stake, and what the hell Grease was in the first place. Hint: if you don't know what Grease is, you shouldn't even be watching this show. Luckily, the producers finally realized that we had no idea who this Denise Van Outen was; so they granted us an extensive biography of her. Yes, Billy Bush revealed to us that Denise played Roxie in Chicago... and that was it. So informative!

Around six minutes into this mess, we finally met our first auditioners: Matthew Carpenter and Sarah Salvador. They were real life sweethearts who had met in a rinky dink production of Grease. What a beautiful story. Now excuse me while I fall into a Rip Van Winkle catatonic state.

Well, even though we met Matt and Sarah, we didn't actually get to see them audition. Instead, that honor went to some Hungarian girl who couldn't remember her lines. To prove this point, we sat through a montage of her flubbing a line over and over again. Silly foreigners and their inability to remember things! The girl finally got on stage and sang to the judges, and while she wasn't out and out awful, her beguiling accent wasn't exactly what anyone had imagined for Sandra Dee, unless this new production reimagined her as a mail-order bride from the Eastern Block. Jim (the mustachioed writer of Grease) said he loved her, but "We're not doing this in Transylvania right now." It might have been a moderately amusing comment... if Transylvania were in Hungary. Which it's not.

Next up was Ashley Anderson, a blonde girl who Billy Bush inexplicably dubbed an Olivia Newton-John lookalike. Needless to say, she looked nothing like Olivia Newton John. Not even close.

Anyway, she sounded nice enough, but when it came to one high note in her song, her voice tragically cracked. Luckily, the judges were enamored with her (on account of that Olivia Newton-John resemblance, I'm sure) and let her try again. And again, her voice cracked. Producer David Ian then announced that she'd have one more chance to hit the note. If she succeeded, she'd be invited back for the next round. If she failed, it was back to waitressing. What would it be? Not even Denise Van Outen could bear the suspense as she cringed with apprehension backstage. Luckily, it was all for naught. Ashley summoned all the powers of her blandness and hit that high note. Bravo. Your forgettable charm has done you well!

We then sat through a montage of singers who all made the judges smile widely, and then next up was an Italian Stallion named Robert, who most likely was paid by the producers to act like an idiot for these judges. You see, he was all muscle and mousse, but no talent. He managed to butcher "We Are The Champions" by Queen so badly that he made Ace Young look like a genius. Robert then did this bit where he forgot the lyrics, which felt very stagey, and then he fought with the judges when they refused to let him sing anymore. SHUT UP. Just collect your $150 from the producers and move on.