By Krank Mills
Previously on Grease: Open cattle calls. Some people were good (though in all honesty, I can't remember a single great performance), some were meh, but pretty (I'm looking right at you, Ashley Anderson), but mostly people sucked. And sucked. Aaaand sucked.
Today's episode opens with the final 48 getting off yellow school busses at Grease Academy. My question is, where did they get on those busses? The powers-that-be have gone in such a weird direction for this TV show. This Grease Academy we've been hearing so much about for the past two weeks is an actual school somewhere that production has high-jacked and turned into a Broadway-star training facility. First-class all the way. The nervous energy is palpable as all the potential Sandy's and Danny's wonder what they've gotten themselves into.
Hey, remember the judges? There's Broadway director Kathleen Marshall. Good to see they're no longer calling her a Tony-winning Broadway director, since she won Tony's for choreographing Wonderful Town and The Pajama Game, but no directing Tony's as yet. (And I'm going to go out on a limb and predict she's not going to get one for this.)
Also judging is "super-producer" David Ian. Their words, not mine. And last but not least is Grease creator and writer, Jim Jacobs. Guys, he knew the original Sandy, ok? That totally validates his seemingly useless presence.
As Billy Bush tells us in a voice-over, Grease Academy will train these newbies in singing, acting and dancing to be a "triple-threat." During some quick shots of the classes, we get to see Kathleen Marshall, Tony-Award winning choreographer, at work. "Bah dum dum dum," she says as she demonstrates the steps. Tony-winner at work. Fascinating. Not!
So I don't know if you can tell by my tone, but I'm annoyed with this show. I was so excited for it because I thought we were going to get to see what goes on behind the scenes as they prepare to mount a big-budget Broadway revival. Instead we're focusing on (i.e. creating) the personal stories of all these nobodies. Who cares? They're nobodies! I want to see Kathleen Marshall being a bitch! I want to see some creative process! Directing! Actiiiiing!
Billy Bush promises Grease Academy will push the potential Danny's and Sandy's to their limit. Lie. We should have seen waaay more crying this episode (besides after being cut) if they're really being pushed to their limits. Come on, a campus filled with theater people? There should totally be more crying. And catfights.
In Danny dance rehearsal the editors juxtapose "Former Days of Our Lives actor," Austin Miller, with his wonderful extension, and "Ice Cream Store Manager," Vince Ortiz, who clearly has no dance training. Austin tells us he played Link Larkin on the Hairspray tour and that there's a level of polish and professionalism that comes with experience. Yeah you get polish and professionalism, but in Austin's case you also get an aura of homosexuality the audience can read from the last row of the balcony along the wall.
Over in Sandy singing rehearsal, Ashley Anderson is singing poorly. She's the girl who cracked twice in her initial auditions, but was kept on because Jim Jacobs said she looked like his idea of Sandy. Whatever, you're casting a Broadway show, not a movie. You can put almost any vaguely pretty girl on stage in full makeup and a wig and she'll look like Sandy. And Ashley still sucks. Her voice is weak and has pitch problems. It's probably from nerves, but if she can't sing in a room full of people, I don't know how she'll handle singing in front of a 1500+ person audience. Have fun waitressing for the rest of your life, choker!
We also see Juliana Hansen, a 23-year-old office temp that we're suddenly caring about because she's going to make it through to the next round (um, spoiler?) while some of the girls we've been following thus far (AhemAshelyAndersonAhem) will not. I like her cause she's a brunette, and as a brunette, I clearly think she is superior to all those blondes.
So we've seen the dancing and the singing classes, now it's time for acting! All the potential Danny's and Sandy's are paired up into co-ed scene studies, doing that Classic (so my TV tells me and thus is true) Scene from the movie version: Danny and Sandy on a date at the drive-in. Again, disappointingly, we see no shots of any sort of directing or, frankly, acting going on, but we do get a semi-amusing reel of bad acting from potential Danny's. God, I'd be terrified if I were Kathleen Marshall and this were really the pool of talent I had to choose from.
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Comments (9)
Too bad the 42-year-old Danny that looked like Joe Namath and the 17-year-old white trash Sandy both got the boot this week. I was hoping there would be some chemistry between them on stage.
1 of 9 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on January 24, 2007 1:18 PM
Foxbase, they might have made a great pair if you were going to stage "Long Island Lolita - The Musical" with them starring as Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher. Hey, wait. That would be a friggin awesome musical! Anyone else that would pay to see that?
2 of 9 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on January 24, 2007 1:58 PM
I'd pay to see that JasonR before going to see this tourist dreck.
I hope America does vote for the worst talent, and the broadway show tanks, miserably.
Am I the only one that hates Billy Bush?
KH
3 of 9 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on January 24, 2007 3:59 PM
No KatiesHole. You're not.
4 of 9 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on January 25, 2007 8:53 AM
Casting and rehearsing for a Broadway musical is more suited to cable (Encore, VH1).
Why would anyone care about these wannabe actors and the whole process?
5 of 9 | Posted by soflat
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Posted on January 25, 2007 9:09 AM
As much as I wish I could love this show, as anything having to do with musical theatre on network television should be extremely exciting--this sucks. And the talent pool sucks. They should've stuck with Hillary Duff.
Hey--if they really went to the Idina school of singing, their belting might carry some weight...
6 of 9 | Posted by aclikeslater
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Posted on January 25, 2007 10:00 AM
Guest Columnist, which Spring Awakening song is your ringtone? From one theatre geek to another...:)
As long as they don't go with Austin (too gay and boy-bandy) and Juliana (whom I just loathe), I think that there are good Sandys and Dannys to be found in the bunch. My personal favorites so far: Chad and Ashley (good True Colors Ashley).
7 of 9 | Posted by maybeimamazed02
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Posted on January 26, 2007 9:30 AM
maybeimamazed, I've got "My Junk" as my main ring, and "Mama Who Bore Me" when family calls. Freaking love that show and getting seats onstage for the day after the Tony's...
8 of 9 | Posted by kmills
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Posted on January 26, 2007 12:02 PM
kmills, NICE!
"My Junk," "The Dark I Know Well," and especially "The Bitch of Living" are my favorites.
I too am craving onstage seats...what a great show! Maybe it's just me, but it's refreshing to hear female voices that don't sound like every other poppy belty Idina wannabe out there.
9 of 9 | Posted by maybeimamazed02
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Posted on January 26, 2007 3:26 PM