Previously on The Great American Road Trip the Cooties won (AGAIN!!!! ARGH!!!) and the Ricos went home. Also, Mama Redneck regressed into this child-like creature when she refused to congratulate the Faves on their sub par performance at the "End of the Road" challenge. Mama Faves did what any mother would do with a child: let her have her hissy fit.
We're back in Texas where everything is apparently supersized. My friends, I have to see it to believe it wink wink! The families are now half way in their extremely long and somewhat boring road trip.
Mama Cooties is happy that her family made this far. Lady, your arrogant-ass knew your family was going to be at least top five in this competition. Let's be real, it's not like you've had any competition per se. Your family only "lost" when the Rednecks won the talent show by hick-default. It's pretty safe to say that you got this one in the bag. The Cooties annoy me and it's not because they're raping the competition; it's really because they're really arrogant about it and arrogance doesn't get you too far. Just ask Kanye West and Axl Rose.
She says that she hopes her family makes it to the end. "Its not about the money" she says, "it's more about winning". BULLSHIT! People love to win because they know they gain something at the end. It could very well be pride but in this trip, there's 100 000$ on the line. "Oh, we don't really want the grill or go to the premier of that movie we know nothing about; we really just want to shamefully brag about every of our wins". If you want to win so badly, play Sudoku.
The Faves clumsily get back on the road. Clumsily because all of their cabinets swing open as Lenny drives this terrible machination we call an RV on the lifeless highway. Lenny is happy that his family made it this far. Ya...I'm actually surprise you're even in this competition given that you had like 9 lives. Mama Faves says that they get better as they move on (hahahahah....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight) but she gets very sad when a family gets eliminated. Mama Faves admits that she loved the Ricos and seeing them leave was...heartbreaking (???). It was so heartbreaking that Mama Faves starts...crying???? Really? Last time I checked there was a clear division between the families and you weren't in their half...unless your one of those people who wants to be friends with everybody. She kind of reminds me of those girls in high schools who were clearly not popular but would mimic or copy the popular people's moves, manners, words and actions. But when it really boiled down to it, none of the popular people gave a slight eff about them.
Mama Faves tells us that they aren't rich so the experience gives them time to bond as a family. Yes bonding but it's also about the money or else you wouldn't have brought up the fact that your family is broke! Just saying...
Back in the Faves RV, out of no where, Mama Faves who was whipping her tears earlier, runs with her tears-soaked shirt towards the windows and yells out to the kids to take out the cameras. What?? Is it a UFO? Is Elizabeth Hasselbeck is finally kicked off The View? John Travolta is a Catholic? No! It's effing cows. I'm finding it very hard to like the Faves now.
The families finally arrive at Mid Point Café in Adrian, Texas. It's literally the half way point between Chicago and California. OMG...I'm half way done recapping this stupid show! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Hooray...Mama Redneck gimme a kiss!!!
The café is a gazillion years old. Who greets the families to the Café? John Travolta himself. He really was in that field with those cows after abducting that metro in Pelham 123. I saw the movie...I'm not a fan! No, it's actually Reno. All the families are convinced that this is a "King of the Road" challenge. Reno fends off the "King of the Road" allegations by saying that he likes pie. Ya...yaaaaaaaaaa, too easy!!! So burgers, steak and pie...what else Rennie?? The kids are actually more anxious than their folks. Reno isn't the grim reaper so y'all can relax.
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