A Christmukkah Carol - 
by m_ruv
This week's episode of Grey's Anatomy was a little bizarre. In theory it was the Christmas episode, about family, the holidays, and finding your own "second family" in the world after you move away from home. But in practice the episode was dominated by one tiny fact that I apparently forgot to mention in the bios when we started coverage of the show last week—that Izzie is F***ING CRAZY. Seriously, this silly ho is out of her mind. As the episode opens, she's just finished decorating the shit out of their apartment. Meredith and George aren't too happy about it but play nice because Izzie is still stung from Alex screwing her over. But Izzie, apparently now a poster child for bipolar disorder, is all ear-to-ear smiles and blurts out a giddy "Oh YAY!!" when they pretend to like her decorations. It's like Girl, Interrupted: The Kindergarten Years. Then we cut to Cristina and Dr. Burke, who has put a modest Christmas tree in his apartment and suggests that Cristina help decorate it. She says she's Jewish—apparently her stepfather was somebody named Saul Rubenstein. Faster than you can say "shalom," Madonna has called asking for a threeway.
At the hospital, a suddenly full-term Dr. Bailey is waddling down the hallway like a giant African penguin. The interns wonder whether she'll go on maternity leave, to which Meredith retorts, "What do you think happens when people push babies out of their vagina?" Um, Meredith, I don't know who taught you sex ed, but that's NOT how it works. Babies come from Jesus. Anyway, Alex jokes that rather than get a new resident to replace Dr. Bailey, the hospital should just let all the interns wander around unsupervised and see how much damage they do. Izzie, opting for the high road, brings up Alex's tendency to kill patients. If I recall correctly, IZZIE, your preemie was the only one of the five who DIED IN INFANCY last week. In the span of about 30 nanoseconds, Izzie, who I'm now christening "Zelda Fitzgerald" in light of her emotional stability, swings from utter bitterness to CRAZED MANIC EXCITEMENT ABOUT XMAS and says they should all get a baby gift for Dr. Bailey and organize a Secret Santa thing for the department. Cristina, settling nicely into her new role as grinch Jewess, tries to piss on the parade, but the others quash her in their unending quest to be "supportive" to Izzie. I'm sorry, but I think it's well nigh obvious by now that this woman doesn't need support, she needs ZOLOFT.
In the hallway, self-pitying Dr. He-Shepherd approaches Meredith and goes on about his holiday depression. Let's admit it, they're perfect for each other. We move to the first patient of the week, who fell off his roof stringing "Hannamas" lights to delight his religiously impure family. At the mention of Hannamas, Izzie's holidaydar goes off, her eyes perk up, and she DEMANDS EXPLANATION. When she learns what Hannamas/Christmukkah is, she almost literally lights up like a Hannamas tree and says "Awwesome" in truly frightening fashion. That Zoloft must kick in pretty fast. Meanwhile, Mr. Christmukkah's approximately 800 droning child-infidels make a huge ruckus with their toys in the hospital room. But the patient, clearly a loving father, coddles the kids rather than smacking them upside the head like they deserve.
"Zoloft is my friiiiieeeeend! YAAAAY!!!"
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