Hi Gasmii--
We're in the Final Five and it looks like they whipped up just enough plot for three. That means cutting the story stash with lots of baby laxative, i.e. mucho scrambling around searching for missing muchachas. And like last week's installment, this one climaxes with a big stunning super-shock that will almost certainly turn out to be nada since it's still too soon to definitively reveal the killer.
So forget about why state police boats and FBI helicopters and the Royal Canadian Mounties have to wait until morning to invade the island and stop the killer(s) from slaying the rest of the cast. Let's just try to get through it. When it's over we can all watch Black Christmas (DVD and Blu-Ray). It's not a Tyler Perry holiday ho-down, and it's not the wretched 2006 remake with Michelle Trachtenberg (not her fault)-- it's the brilliantly chilling original, a 1974 sorority house psycho-thriller with Olivia Hussey, Margot Kidder, Andrea Martin and Nasty Billy, the scariest dangerously unhinged lunatic that side of 1978's Halloween. John Carpenter's masterpiece owes a huge debt to Black Xmas, while When A Stranger Calls (1979) just blatantly ripped it off. But I'm not here to assign blame to anyone. Except of course to the folks who bring us Harper's Island. So here we go....
Really? Not even the Late Supper menu?!
Candlewick Inn library lounge, night. Trish, Trish's Sister, and Dreadlocks wait for everyone else. TS can't believe Trish's friends would just leave the island with Creepy Madison still missing. Your kid's charmless-- get over it, lady! The Widow Beef Wellington appears to tell everyone the phones are still out. A loud pounding on the front door raises alarm. Dreads approaches with a rifle, but it's just Spiky Hair and Soror-Whore 2.
Harper's Island clinic. Abby, Preppy Blonde Snot and Slutty Blonde Bitch lay wounded Grizzled Local Cop out on an exam table. Preppy's in charge because, as I'm sure everyone's forgotten, he's a doctor. He says "It's been a while since I've worked on a living patient", so we might have also forgotten he's a coroner. The island M.E., tubby Dr Oldfart, isn't there because phones are down all over the island and they can't reach him. They apparently had no trouble breaking into the clinic though. Maybe we also all forgot Slutty's a professional thief. Right now she's playing nurse as Preppy peeks at GLC's thigh-puncture and asks her to find O negative in the fridge.
New this fall on CBS: Hobbit Coroner
GLC grunts to Abby that there's a book in Scary-Looking Dead Forest Brute's charred man-purse she pulled out of the fire when SLDFB was fatally stuck with arrows on the porch of his burning cabin. Keep it safe!
Henry and Fish Hunk enter carrying dead Goth Guy. FH spies some hand-written notes on the floor and gives them to Henry-- they must've fallen out of GG's pocket.
Candlewick lounge. Trish's Sister lets Spiky have it for trying to leave the island. They were told if anyone tried to leave, Madsy would die! Spiky says didn't leave and it probably doesn't make any difference anyway. You don't know that! TS shrieks. Trish wants to know where's Henry. Spiky explains that they found GG murdered. Wasn't he in jail? Dreads asks. No, he was at the marina. Now Henry's taken his body to the clinic with Abby and the rest. If someone offed GG, does that mean he didn't kill her dad Beef Wellington, Trish pipes up. Before anyone can say "duh", glaring headlights and blaring metal music intrude from the driveway. Rifle at the ready, Dreads leads Spiky outside, to a seemingly empty red truck. Spiky kills the ignition, then hears a click as Townie aims a shotgun at him! MAIN TITLES.
Don't shoot! We have white women!
Candlewick driveway. Dreads holds HIS gun on Townie and tells him to drop it. Townie says no, YOU drop it or Spiky gets splattered. Dreads backs down. Townie says he's looking for Goth Guy. Spiky says GG's dead, but Townie's not buying it, he saw GG escape from jail earlier. It's true, Dreads concurs. GG got sliced up at the marina. So they shouldn't be standing around outside. Townie confiscates the Bro Posse's rifle.
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Comments (16)
Not sure I believe GLC is the killer either. It doesn't really make sense given the clippings in his attic where he has been tracking similar killings off the island. He clearly hasn't been off the island.
I thought it was a bit suspicious that FH found those pages that "must have fallen out of GG's pocket." Now, granted, GG was reading the book according to the burned guy, but it seemed a bit sketchy, didn't it? Not that it necessarily indicates FH because Henry could have dropped it for FH to find.
I don't think Abby is Wakefield's child. The journal didn't say "Sarah had my daughter." It said child. So that means that it could be a male. We know nothing about FH. I mean, wouldn't he presumably have family on the island? He doesn't seem to worried about them, huh? What if he is Wakefield's son? If so, the mother couldn't know the baby was him because she wouldn't let him and Abby "go camping."
Who is left alive at this point?
Trish: Doubtful. But I think she will live.
Trish's Sister: Doubtful. I bet she gets killed.
Madison: Creepy, but she was visible in the window when her dad was killed.
Henry: Possibly- the scratches on the arms was kinda weird. How could he not remember that?
Fish Hunk: Possibly. I don't recall a time where he was with someone while a murder was happening. Was he with Abby when Burn Face was killed?
Abby: Possibly. I'm trying to think if she has been with others while anyone has been killed?
Dr Prepper: Doubtful. Likely a victim though I like his character.
Dr Groupie: Doubtful. Likely a victim too.
Sherrif: Possibly. But like I said above, he was tracking killings on the mainland so I think it is a red herring. Plus, wasn't he in Burn Face's cabin when Burn Face was killed?
Spikey: Nope. He is definitely going to get killed before the end.
Dreadlocks: Another victim waiting to happen.
Inn Lady: Possibly, but it would be lame beyond belief.
Gardener guy: Possibly, but that would be even lamer than Inn Lady and I would demand my money back! :p
You know... this makes me wonder if there aren't two killers. Because iirc, everyone has been with someone during one of the murders, haven't they?
Sorry for the 80 page post! Thanks for the great recap, LL!
1 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 16, 2009 3:35 AM
I have no idea what flimsy basis they are going to make a killer out of, but I sincerely hope it's either Fish Hunk or Henry. Or both. (My money's on there being two killers at this point.) Though mostly Fish Hunk, cause even if it makes no sense, the serial killer having a smile like that? Fantastically creepy and totally worth it.
2 of 16 | Posted by booyakki | Posted on June 16, 2009 4:32 AM
Describing an angry Henry as a wet cat is hilarious...what an image....
3 of 16 | Posted by lilsalty | Posted on June 16, 2009 5:47 AM
Oooh... you know what would make the FH as a killer storyline even better? If he was planning on killing Abby when they went camping way back when. Ok, so not very likely, but interesting.
4 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 16, 2009 5:53 AM
I have been putting my money on Fish Hunk as the killer since the beginning....flashbacks of the first "Scream" movie, I suppose...plus he is the most "normal" person on the island.
Am I missing something, or is there a recap missing? I was on vacay and DVR'ed 2 episodes, "Gurgle" and "Seep"...where "Gurgle"???
5 of 16 | Posted by southern_essence | Posted on June 16, 2009 6:34 AM
never mind...I found it.
6 of 16 | Posted by southern_essence | Posted on June 16, 2009 6:37 AM
I think the Sheriff took Madison because he knows the killer is among the group and he wanted to keep everyone from leaving the island before he could catch him/her. But this seems totally selfish and puts his daughter in harms way, so I don't know. That could be why he took off from the bed, knowing he had left Madison all by herself.
I think if there are two killers they are probably not working together. Possibly one of the group just killed someone for their own personal reason and the real killer is responsible for the rest. That way they throw you off because as noted earlier, everyone has been shown with someone else during most of if not every murder. I think if it's two killers it should be Henry and Trish working together since they brought everyone there in the first place, has anyone ever said whose idea it was to get married on the island?
I always thought it was Trish but last night when the Widow was killed I think it confirmed it has to be one of the guys. When Trish left to find her sister who was in the woods, Widow was still alive and Abby was in the tunnel finding Madison. Since all four of them came back together and the dead widow was found while they were all out front being welcomed back there was no time for any of them to sneek in and kill her. That just leaves the guys or the Hobbit or his girlfriend who could have snuck back through the tunnels during the night.
7 of 16 | Posted by bravojunkie | Posted on June 16, 2009 7:23 AM
First of all, those were the funniest screencaps and captions I've seen in a long while. I can't even pick a favorite. Loved them!
I also agree with Snooty: I think that FH could be Wakefield's child. I wondered about that a couple of weeks ago. However, it would be hilarious if both Abby AND Fish Hunk were his kids. Technically, they haven't kissed yet.. someone's always getting killed.
The whole part with Abby in the tunnel didn't make any sense. If she crawled back the same way, how would she end up in a different part of the tunnel system? It's just like the confusing flashbacks from two weeks ago. This show can't go the distance with ANY cool idea!
8 of 16 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on June 16, 2009 10:15 AM
Thank you for the recap - was going into sweats (for about ten minutes) could not find the airing of the latest Harpers Island - i have dishnetwork in balt, md? anyone else not able to find it? anyways THANK YOU for your wonderful recap! I HAVE to know how the whole thing ends - isnt that sick? LOL :)
still in the process of reading - but had to pause because this line just made me LOL here at work - (everyone else in a bad mood so I drew major attention to myself) :)
"Just then Spiky realizes Soror-Whore 2 is missing. Considering she has no discernible personality and has had exactly one line in tonight's show, I'm not sure how (or why) he noticed."
9 of 16 | Posted by Rebecca1968 | Posted on June 16, 2009 11:13 AM
ok finished reading! LOVED IT! Fantastic Recap - another Line that had me GUFFAW out loud here at work
"He notices a river of blood pooling under her ass! Before we can jump to any conclusions about rough anal play (look, the bitch was kinky, OK?)"
Also YES what the heck has happened to Purse Dog - every time they showed that dod - no lie - i teared up - he is the only one I care about on this show! Yes im a HUGE retard - LOL :)
thanks again for the recap!
Rebecca
10 of 16 | Posted by Rebecca1968 | Posted on June 16, 2009 12:03 PM
The only problem with FH being the killer (which I totally agree makes the most sense) is that the first victim was killed before they even left the mainland. I know, nice run-on sentence...
Excellent recap, BTW! You make the show worth watching.
11 of 16 | Posted by bluzgirl | Posted on June 16, 2009 12:45 PM
Wow...great theories all around.
My personal theory: Would it be too obvious if GLC was the next victim. That's my guess.
Snootchy-Loved your entire post-I might do my own like that
bravo-i've been thinking the same thing about two killers not working together for weeks. I think FPA could have been killed by spiky or dreads. Kinky Ginger could have been killed by TS.
bluz-Nice point about Fish Hunk.
My predictions:
Trish-not unless she is working with someone else. Keep in mind she almost died in the pool trap. she'll live
Abby-could be-won't die
Madison-no...some of the deaths require brute force, such as SW2. Plus, she was in the tunnel during SW2's death-They won't kill her, because she is a child
henry-He could be the killer, but I doubt he killed Goth Guy. The scratches on the arms are suspicious. He won't die, but could be the killer
TS-won't be the killer (see post 7)-probable death
Spiky and dreadlocks-I'll go out on a limb and say that one of them will die. The other will either be the killer or die also. I also think that one of them killed FPA.
FH-see post 11-Doubtful death. I see Abby and him ending up together.
Dr. Groupie and Dr. Prepper-definitely not killers...If one or both were killers, I think the local engaged couple would have been axed by now.
GLC-Before this episode, he was my sure bet to be the killer. After reading the recap, he is certainly a red herring. Plus, I don't think he could have killed SLFB. See above on survival odds.
townie-not unless there are multiple killers (he was in jail). I doubt he would work together with anyone though. I think he could be killed soon.
hotel manager-not killer-probable death
pierced tounge bartender-what happened to her? did she die? possible killer. doubtful death...more than likely we won't see her again.
dr oldfart-doubtful on both counts
Psychic-slim chance-she won't die (see Pierced Tongue)
Engaged couple-won't die or be the killers
deputy-see engaged couple
12 of 16 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 16, 2009 1:58 PM
Gasmii, I am honored & delighted so many of you give a shit. If I could I would make you all Tortas Platanos Con Queso...
The amount of viable theories this late in the show proves how flimsy the story-telling is. We have been given SO little information and character development that virtually anything's possible, thereby guaranteeing a ridiculous & outrageously unsatisfying denouement, verdad?
The writers set up a complicated scenario of who's where when with whom, but there's no heart (or heat) behind any of it. Does anyone honestly prefer a galaxy of suspects to a well-crafted, character-driven storyline?!? I guess CBS does. They should have really used TRUE BLOOD or DAMAGES or BREAKING BAD as a role model, NOT FRIDAY THE 13TH and MURDER SHE WROTE!
Thanks for all the nice words about the recap and pix. You all make great points. I think there are definitely 2 (maybe 3-4) killers, who are probably not even working together.
Holding out on the FH/Abby sex makes me think they COULD be Wakefield bro & sis, but Snootchy nailed it with the "Sarah had my [gender-neutral]CHILD" note. I bet FH is the long-lost Wakefield heir, not Abby. And yes, the whole dropped-diary-pages bit is absolutely some kind of hidden plot point.
The other killer: either Henry or Trish.
It would be screamingly unforgivable to reveal one of the day players like Bosomy Hotel Mgr or The Gardener as a killer, but don't rule it out. If one of the next 3 shows starts heavily featuring someone obscure, that's what's coming.
So tell me what you think is the most annoying thing to happen lately...
1) The selective power outage
2) The utter lack of urgency on the part of the state police. HOW many serial murder victims do they need before they treat this as a law-enforcement priority? Really, what crisis is tying up every chopper in the Pacific NW???
3) Not grilling Madsy about her ordeal and getting some fuckin answers from the little creep
4) Preppy & Slutty's not-hot and not-appropriate clinic tryst
5) Tunnels tunnels tunnels
I confess to loving Purse Dog and wanting him to pee on everyone's gravestones as a tag. Next to FH, he's the cuddliest.
And should Dreadlocks really be called Braids?!? As a fiery member of La Raza and the Sonia Sotomayor Fan Club, I'm mortified at my own cultural insensitivity when it comes to our Token Minority's hairstyle.
OMG I just realized the east coast hi-def bravo feed is going to put the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ finale on my TiVo in 76 minutes!!!
13 of 16 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on June 16, 2009 4:48 PM
LOL@ the head and shoulders screen cap.
I don't think Fish Hunk is the killer or the heir to the Wakefield journal. Fish seems to be around Abby's age so they can't be born at the same time. Also FH was on the island when the cousin (ben) got killed.
14 of 16 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on June 16, 2009 9:38 PM
We don't necessarily -know- FH was on the island when Ben was killed. And he was tied to the thingie under the boat which would seem to indicate some familiarity with boats and water, right?
15 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 17, 2009 3:08 AM
Kissmy--
Thanks, chica! You are too good to me.
Even though you're right, Snootchy, there's probably more than one killer and Henry is VERY familiar with boats since he spent his summers working on them at the HI marina when he wasn't busy banging rich broads.
Side note: From my many scuba dives in the beautiful blue waters of my Puerto Rican homeland, I know a tank only lasts about an hour. I don't recall if Ben had one or two tanks on, but I'll be curious to learn when the killer supposedly stashed him down there...
16 of 16 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on June 17, 2009 9:50 PM