Ext. Candlewick. While Abby stands aside, traumatized, Henry and Braids pack GLC's tarped corpse into the back of the sheriff's SUV, agreeing they should get back to the Cannery-- "it's not safe"! No, it certainly isn't, but how decent of you to spend so many vulnerable minutes cutting down and wrapping a dead man with a brutal superhuman psychopath on the loose! What with the substantially reduced cast, Braids is getting more lines than ever now. Unfortunately, this is one: "All these bodies. One guy. How the hell does one guy do all this?!" Actually, this dialogue is rather useful, ironically indicating to us as it does that there's clearly more than one killer. Abby tells the boys that GLC's dying words assured her he was indeed her father. Good to know. Now MOVE YOUR ASSES!
This show only needs one blonde strumpet, so just hang it up, bar trash!
Cannery. TS asks Madison if John Wakefield is the one who told her people died on this island. Yuppers, M replies. On the first day, while she was picking flowers for her flower-girl basket. Has this kid never seen that Winnie-the-Pooh video about Stranger Danger?! They need to get an anatomically correct doll so she can show them where he touched her. As TS and Trish exchange traumatized glances, Madison petulantly reminds TS that M told her about her "new friend" ages ago. Madison wants to know if her daddy Kinky Ginger is dead. Yes, TS tearfully confirms, which would have been a fine place for Madsy to display a reaction of some sort, but let's face it, no one's mistaking her for Abigail Breslin. They actually have to cut away to reaction shots of Townie, PT and FH, who, though comatose, gives us more than this kid. Finally, Robo-Moppet gets out "Is-Abby-going-to-die-because-of-me". Trish and TS assure the tyke that Abby will be back real soon.
Sheriff SUV. They're still screwing around. Abby looks for the keys under the sun visor and finds a perky pic of herself GLC obviously fondly put there. Abby's traumatized expression turns deadly. "I'm gonna kill John Wakefield!" MAIN TITLES.
Ext. Harper's Island road. Abby obviously couldn't find those keys, because now Abby, Henry and Braids, each toting a shotgun, walk and talk about things we already know: GLC rescued Fish Hunk for Abby. And ask questions we already know the answer to: If this is all about Wakefield getting revenge on GLC and making him look bad, now that GLC is dead, is Wakefield done? (Let me assure them: That'd be no.)
Check two inches above the right ear for the "666".
Cannery. Last episode they were using candles but at some point the generator kicked in and they turned on a couple lamps. Now Slutty asks PT how long the generator will last. Probably not long enough, she says, adding that the cable from the mainland was cut, along with the cell tower and landlines. Everything. Including Wi-Fi, DirecTV and SiriusXM Radio. TS says someone's got to notice the huge marina explosion earlier. Townie says it's in a deep harbor and not visible from the mainland. PT says no one there will notice if they don't hear from anyone on the island for a few days. And the dead State Policeguy and Girl? Won't someone miss those bozos? Sure, eventually, Townie scoffs. I personally think dispatching them to pick up a multiple murder suspect and then losing all radio contact an hour later could might maybe perhaps send up a red flag, but that's just me.
Slutty turns on Trish-- why did she decide to get married on this stupid island?! Before she can answer, Wakefield kicks down the door and enters with a huge blade, glowering at them.
Today's Quickfire: Harpies Tard-tare
Just take her, sir. You'd be doing us all a favor.
The only person with the brains to point a gun at the fiend is PT, but Wakefield pushes it aside, then skewers her below the boobs before she can squeeze another shot off.
The good news: those cobwebs on the ceiling? GONE.
The bad news: organ failure & exsanguination.
TS, Slutty and Madison scurry back to the bathroom. Trish grabs a rifle but instead of grabbing one himself or ordering Trish to blow Wakefield away, Townie shoos her back toward the crapper and faces off against Wakefield with a puny hunting knife. "You don't scare me!" Townie ludicrously yells, lunging at Wakefield with his teeny flaccid knife.
Cannery bathroom. Instead of blasting Wakefield's head off, Trish uses her rifle to bat open the window and ushers Slutty and Madison through.
« Real Housewives of New Jersey: If Only We Lived In Ohio | Main | So You Think You Can Dance: Doin' The Butt »
Comments (9)
Yes, I smell the scent of the herring in red sauce, myself. GLC used to not like FH back when he and Abby were younger, but now they were good friends. I think that the rapsheet is from a long time ago. If GLC knew he had been a hoodlum, he wouldn't want him dating his daughter. However, as they got older and he saw that he had matured, he befriended him. I am still on the fence about whether he is Wakefield-spawn, but I don't think he is a helper.
There was a moment when Wakefield was in the Cannery after the Pussy Posse went into the lav. Wakey and Townie were standing there looking at each other and I expected them to start laughing and for Townie to call him dad. Clearly this did not happen.
Also, for the record, I teared up at Dr. Prepper and Slutty. 'Nuf Said.
Thanks for another great recap, LL!
1 of 9 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 28, 2009 11:08 AM
wonderfully funny recap! LOVED it! thank you!
as for True Blood funny you mentioned it i just added it to my netflix cue and its at the top of my list - cant wait to start getting the dvds mailed my way!
happy sunday
rebecca
2 of 9 | Posted by Rebecca1968 | Posted on June 28, 2009 1:58 PM
I cried at the end-it was truly touching, wonder what will happen next week
3 of 9 | Posted by yuds101 | Posted on June 28, 2009 2:21 PM
Was anyone else troubled by the fact that Slutty could have escaped if she'd climbed along the fence and crawled up on the other side of the door? I don't think Dr Prepper was worth dying over! But it made a classy, dramatic show-moment and those are tougher to find than a negative word about Michael Jackson this week. That tired thing is moonwalking in hell now. R.I.P. Wacko Jacko "Beat It" still kicks ass!
4 of 9 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on June 29, 2009 7:20 AM
Yeah, LL, I thought about that too (Slutty escaping, that is), but then I imagined what I would do if that was my husband. I couldn't just run off the bridge knowing he was going to get knifed. Now, that isn't to say that I would have necessarily jumped, but I don't think I could have abandoned him.
I agree with you: it did give the show one "moment" amongst so much blah.
RIP MJ. You definitely had some "issues" in your life, but it doesn't change that the music was (and is) good.
5 of 9 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 29, 2009 8:56 AM
Well, I thought that Preppy Snot might have actually been a foreign exchange student who had lived with the wack Wakefield family in the late 90s. Boy do I feel stupid now!
I don't know how it will end, but I am quite sure it will include purse dog hopping onto the precocious Madison's lap as she stares into space and makes us realize there will be a return to Harpers Island, 2019!
Great recap! You are hysterically funny!
6 of 9 | Posted by mullymoon | Posted on June 29, 2009 11:01 AM
I don't think FISH HUNK is the killer or son of Wakefield. It would be terribly gross to think so.
7 of 9 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on June 29, 2009 2:59 PM
First off, great recap Leia. Serious LOL moments on every page.
So, assuming FH is a red herring, I wondered why he looked at Trish with the evil eye as he tried to take the gun. Maybe he has figured out that Trish is the killer and was trying to get the gun away from here. And his look was one of suspicion and not "I will soon be enjoying your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."
Of course Trish is the killer only if the writers are trying to do something surprising. The last twist they managed was having the secret killer be a known homicidal maniac--one whom a main character had been accusing since episode 2. So who knows? Maybe they have given up on twists and all the FH foreshadowing in the previews will lead to the "shocking revelation" that he is actually guilty.
I think we can almost guarantee that everyone but Henry, Trish, Abby, and FH will be dead before the finale is over. With the exception of Madison, who can't die on network TV.
8 of 9 | Posted by WiseOwl | Posted on June 29, 2009 7:50 PM
I can't believe no one has mentioned the cheesy ripoff of Last of the Mohicans when Blondie dropped off into the water.
9 of 9 | Posted by RugDoctor9 | Posted on July 7, 2009 5:04 AM