Testimonials

Barroom. Townie keeps trying to cut Wakefield, who jabs him in the shoulder with his razor-sharp, two-foot, double-edged sword. Then the stomach. Then down the length of his arm. All very painfully, from Townie's agonized man-screams.

Bathroom. Trish aims the rifle at the door. Instead of running out and taking advantage of the fact that Wakefield HAS NO GUN.

Barroom. Townie swings at Wakefield, trying to land a punch. This just amuses the super-monstrous killer, who impales Townie with his enormous shiny blade. Townie hits the deck, looking pretty dead.

Stop Or My Puffy Bride Will Shoot

Bathroom. TS wants Trish to come through the window instead of bravely aiming at the restroom door. Trish says she's coming and tells TS to go! TS goes. Trish hears Wakefield coming and fires through the door, which flies open, revealing Wakefield, as Trish appears to be out of ammo. Wakefield glares at her sadistically, relishing her imminent well-deserved death. But Townie has dragged himself to the bathroom door, providing enough distraction for Trish to escape. Wakefield glares at him sadistically, then moves forward for the kill.

Ext. Marina. The panicked ladies scamper away from the Cannery. Trish says Wakefield got Townie and FH (excuse me, you don't know that!!) but she knows where the gals can go.

Ext. Private dock. Preppy and Spiky arrive but there's no sailboat. Looks like they're stuck! Preppy says it's all his fault for going to the wrong side of the car. Spiky says if he hadn't, the bullet would've hit S. Preppy insists that his medical attention pit-stop cost them their way off the island. Spiky tries to make him feel better. For all they know, the sailboat could've been gone for days. Spiky makes a joke about banging Slutty then joshingly elbows Preppy in his wound. Looks like they're gonna be friends after all. They head back to the car.

Ext. Cannery. Henry, Abby and Braids tote their shotguns toward the bar entrance. The front door's open and a tired redneck oldie blasts from the jukebox.

Int. Cannery. The three enter and are horrified to see Townie, strung up and butchered!

It's like that N*SYNC video, but less atrocious.

Back from commercial. PT lies dead on the floor. Braids clobbers the jukebox, silencing "Brandy". Henry checks the place. Everyone's gone, including Fish Hunk. Abby and Henry are relieved their love interests seem to have escaped. Braids provides the promo sound-bite. Braids (staring at Townie): He's not done. He's nowhere near done. A-men, sistah.

GLC's house, attic. Trish leads the Pussy Posse into GLC's Wakefield and Related Murders Shrine, explaining that she came here with Abby and Henry when they were looking for GLC. Trish bolts the trapdoor as Madsy checks out the bulletin boards of CHOTSONA (Concisely Headlined On-Topic Sequentially Ordered News Articles, in case you were absent.) TS pulls her away from them, because some newspaper clippings might be upsetting after play-dates with a serial killer and witnessing live homicides. Way to parent, TS! Slutty says it's as if GLC was "just waiting for Wakefield to happen again." Whatever, Paris. You try creating such a cleverly instructional obsessive shrine.

Cannery. As Henry covers bodies and checks ammo, Abby says that Wakefield's changed the game. Before, he was content to pick victims off from the shadows. Since GLC's murder, he's stepping out. He wanted Abby to see him. She says Wakefield could have slipped away and people would have blamed GLC for the killings. What vile plan does he have in store for them?!! Braids starts to lose his shit-- Wakefield's not gonna stop until they're all dead and I can't handle it, man!!! Abby says check yo'self befo' you wreck yo'self! They have to finish this.

When I grow up, can my carpet and drapes not match, too???

GLC's attic. When TS shudders at Wakefield's heinousness, Madison says he was nice to her. John Wakefield is a sociopath! Slutty snaps semi-hilariously. Then, feeling bad for hollering at the tot, Slutty explains that some bad people pretend to be nice to get what they want. LIke Jay Leno. Trish snoops through GLC's file cabinet until she finds blueprints showing the underground tunnels beneath the Candlewick extend all over the island. This is how Wakefield gets around! From outside, a church bell tolls. Slutty, TS and Trish look vaguely disturbed.

Cannery. Henry thinks the bell could be Daphne Trish. Velma Abby says it could be a trap.

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Posted in Harper's Island by Leia LaBiblia at 1:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: RugDoctor9 on Jul 7, 2009 05:04 AM.