Massacre Woods. Spiky and Braids hurry down the trail, exchanging information we already know. Then Spiky says how inspirational Preppy's love for Slutty is, because that's how brahs keep it real with each other. If my boyfriend started talking like that, I'd immediately perform a vagina check.
Tunnel. Abby, Henry and Preppy search. Henry warns Preppy to proceed with caution but Preppy says they need to hurry if they want to find Slutty alive. For the 38th time this episode, someone (Prep) asks why Wakefield is doing this to them. Some suit at CBS obviously felt it was important we know how bewildered the characters are, because that makes them terrified and terror tests well. Or that we repeatedly be reminded that there's still plenty of mystery left, since last week they basically revealed there was no mystery since the killer turned out to be The Killer.
Candlewick kitchen. Spiky and Braids board up the tunnel door. Spiky says if he gets out of this alive, he needs to make some life changes, open himself up to people. Note from CBS-- We need to feel as if the supporting characters are experiencing personal growth. Perhaps they should have also requested these characters had personality traits beyond their hairstyles. Just a thought. Braids says Spiky isn't guarded, he's scared. Make that REALLY scared, since someone is now pounding on the just-sealed tunnel door! Spiky and Braids aim their guns, then fire at the door, blowing alarmingly big holes in it. The noise stops and they wonder if they "got him". Braids moronically leans in for a closer look and just misses getting his head speared with Wakefield's giant sharpened blade! They hear what sounds like footsteps clattering away back down into the tunnel. Then they decide they have to go in there and rescue their friends. There you have it, personal growth. Which seems a lot like TOTAL FUCKING STUPIDITY.
Dude, are you ovulating?
GLC's attic. TS scolds Madison-- young lady, stop reading those Wakefield files! I'm not, M whines. The sheriff has lots of stuff on someone else we know. TS snatches the dossier from her daughter and takes a peek, becoming vaguely disturbed.
Tunnel. Preppy hears something. Henry says it sounds like water. They run ahead and discover a sewer pipe. Crawling through, Abby, Prep and Henry emerge in the forest, behind a chain-link fence. Below is a scenic river running through a gorge. Preppy bellows out Slutty's name.
Storm-grate. Slutty screams for Preppy. Then Wakefield stomps onto the storm-grate above her head. Is your fiance willing to die for you, he fiendishly asks.
Back from commercial. Massacre Woods. Henry, Abby and Preppy hike down a trail, Prep still calling to Slutty. Abby tells Henry she doesn't know where they are. Then Preppy thinks he hears something faint-- it's Slutty! He runs in the direction he thinks it's coming from, Abby and Henry tagging along. Preppy turns back toward Abby and Henry and suddenly Abby sees Wakefield looming above them. She tells Prep to get down and fires at W, missing. W disappears into the forest, Abby in hot pursuit. Henry tells Preppy to find Slutty and get her out of here, then takes off after Abby. She says they're ending this-- if Henry has a shot at Wakefield, take it, even if she's in the way. Henry says that's insane. A: Then stay outta my way.
Wakefield appears, then goes deeper into the woods, leading them on. Suddenly, Abby and Henry stumble across a huge vine covered totem pole. Abby remembers this place-- she used to come here with Fish Hunk.
So which mouth do we order through???
Slutty hears Preppy and starts screaming for him. He hears her and tries to find her, attempting to cross a concrete water main bridging the gorge. But his way is blocked by a locked chain-link door. He scrambles down the embankment and finds her storm-grate cell. She's hysterical as he tries to pry the upper grate off, finally shooting the latch off. He pulls her to safety then puts his gun down so he can propose marriage. She joyfully accepts, then squeals in horror-- Wakefield is standing thirty feet away, wielding his humongous sword of death. Preppy fires, hits inches from Wakefield's boot, then has trouble reloading, so they flee across the water main, coming to the same or an identical locked chain-link door. Wakefield marches toward them.
This can't end well.
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Comments (9)
Yes, I smell the scent of the herring in red sauce, myself. GLC used to not like FH back when he and Abby were younger, but now they were good friends. I think that the rapsheet is from a long time ago. If GLC knew he had been a hoodlum, he wouldn't want him dating his daughter. However, as they got older and he saw that he had matured, he befriended him. I am still on the fence about whether he is Wakefield-spawn, but I don't think he is a helper.
There was a moment when Wakefield was in the Cannery after the Pussy Posse went into the lav. Wakey and Townie were standing there looking at each other and I expected them to start laughing and for Townie to call him dad. Clearly this did not happen.
Also, for the record, I teared up at Dr. Prepper and Slutty. 'Nuf Said.
Thanks for another great recap, LL!
1 of 9 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 28, 2009 11:08 AM
wonderfully funny recap! LOVED it! thank you!
as for True Blood funny you mentioned it i just added it to my netflix cue and its at the top of my list - cant wait to start getting the dvds mailed my way!
happy sunday
rebecca
2 of 9 | Posted by Rebecca1968 | Posted on June 28, 2009 1:58 PM
I cried at the end-it was truly touching, wonder what will happen next week
3 of 9 | Posted by yuds101 | Posted on June 28, 2009 2:21 PM
Was anyone else troubled by the fact that Slutty could have escaped if she'd climbed along the fence and crawled up on the other side of the door? I don't think Dr Prepper was worth dying over! But it made a classy, dramatic show-moment and those are tougher to find than a negative word about Michael Jackson this week. That tired thing is moonwalking in hell now. R.I.P. Wacko Jacko "Beat It" still kicks ass!
4 of 9 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on June 29, 2009 7:20 AM
Yeah, LL, I thought about that too (Slutty escaping, that is), but then I imagined what I would do if that was my husband. I couldn't just run off the bridge knowing he was going to get knifed. Now, that isn't to say that I would have necessarily jumped, but I don't think I could have abandoned him.
I agree with you: it did give the show one "moment" amongst so much blah.
RIP MJ. You definitely had some "issues" in your life, but it doesn't change that the music was (and is) good.
5 of 9 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 29, 2009 8:56 AM
Well, I thought that Preppy Snot might have actually been a foreign exchange student who had lived with the wack Wakefield family in the late 90s. Boy do I feel stupid now!
I don't know how it will end, but I am quite sure it will include purse dog hopping onto the precocious Madison's lap as she stares into space and makes us realize there will be a return to Harpers Island, 2019!
Great recap! You are hysterically funny!
6 of 9 | Posted by mullymoon | Posted on June 29, 2009 11:01 AM
I don't think FISH HUNK is the killer or son of Wakefield. It would be terribly gross to think so.
7 of 9 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on June 29, 2009 2:59 PM
First off, great recap Leia. Serious LOL moments on every page.
So, assuming FH is a red herring, I wondered why he looked at Trish with the evil eye as he tried to take the gun. Maybe he has figured out that Trish is the killer and was trying to get the gun away from here. And his look was one of suspicion and not "I will soon be enjoying your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."
Of course Trish is the killer only if the writers are trying to do something surprising. The last twist they managed was having the secret killer be a known homicidal maniac--one whom a main character had been accusing since episode 2. So who knows? Maybe they have given up on twists and all the FH foreshadowing in the previews will lead to the "shocking revelation" that he is actually guilty.
I think we can almost guarantee that everyone but Henry, Trish, Abby, and FH will be dead before the finale is over. With the exception of Madison, who can't die on network TV.
8 of 9 | Posted by WiseOwl | Posted on June 29, 2009 7:50 PM
I can't believe no one has mentioned the cheesy ripoff of Last of the Mohicans when Blondie dropped off into the water.
9 of 9 | Posted by RugDoctor9 | Posted on July 7, 2009 5:04 AM