After six months of sleeping, the beast has reawakened, and it's time for another season of Hell's Kitchen!
This is the only show on television where there is so much cursing that you actually start to believe that everyone's face is naturally just one big pixelated mess. And I love every tempered minuted of it!
When the show opens, it feels like a fairy tale. We're magically spinning over the lights of Los Angeles, and a soft piano is tinkling in the background. We land in front of Hell's Kitchen, and a creepy man voice says that all has been quiet at Hell's Kitchen. Eek! But although the monster slumbers, the memories live on. We are then shown a montage of various Gordon Ramsay temper-tantrums, ambulances leaving the studio and grown men crying on set.
Now it's time to reawaken the beast! The Dark Lord reigns again, and 15 new culinary warriors are about to step into battle. Wow, this sound downright Biblical. I feel like I need to start preparing for the Rapture or something. (Not that I would even know how to.)
When the show starts, fifteen new culinary warriors are making their way through the airport. And already I see a problem. One little man is wearing a VERY large chef hat. This guy is a total pee-wee, so the hat is practically as big as he is. I imagine that we'll get to this trainwreck later though, so I'll leave it alone for now.
First we see Vanessa who says that she's prepared to step on people to win. Then we see Rosann who says that being married to her daughter's father was hell enough, so this should be a cake walk.
Meanwhile, that trickster Chef Ramsay is getting all dolled up in his favorite wig and prosthetic nose! He looks just like everyone's favorite Motorhead roadie and is ready to surprise the warriors.
The contestants take a bus from the airport to the studio, and Gordon sits on the bus with them to secretly size him up. I'm sorry, but I just cannot imagine that none of the culinary warriors know what's up here. Doesn't he look a little...I don't know...obvious? Maybe I'm just generally pretty prepared to see Gordon Ramsay in a costume, so I'm always on my guard, but he definitely looks fishy to me.
Dumb tall hat guy (Craig) is the first one to put his foot in his mouth. He congratulates everyone on the bus for competing but reminds them that he'll win. Bobby puts his foot in his mouth next by declaring himself "the black Gordon Ramsay." Oh wow. Even Gordon has to peek over his sunglasses for that one to make sure this guy wasn't kidding. Black Gordon says Chef Ramsay is the president, but he's the four star general. Lofty!
The crew pulls into Hell's Kitchen, and they walk down a long hall to meet the maitre'd Jean-Philippe who is jolly as ever. He breaks the ice by doing a little impression of Gordon and the culinary warriors politely chuckle. Jean-Philippe then turns the table, asking if any of them can do an impression. Many try but many also fail. Finally Jean-Philippe calls on the Roadie, and he moves straight to the front of the room.
Jen is killing me because she makes a face of utter disgust every time she looks at this guy. Way to politely hide your emotions, girl! I can tell she's going to be a fun one this season.
Anyway, Roadie Gordon proceeds to do a spot-on impersonation of himself. And everyone is baffled except for Louross who recognizes the voice. I think this might be a little foreshadowing that little Louross might be the only one with a brainy wainy!
In the dramatic stylings of the show, of course Gordon has to reveal himself in the most dramatic of fashions. He literally yanks off his sticky prosthetic nose. Yummo! I've lost my appetite already, and I haven't even seen the nasty creations of our culinary warriors yet! As he's pulling off his wig and skin, Rosann runs up to hug him. We know her last marriage was a disaster, so I wonder what her motives are. Is she really here to cook, or is she just looking for a new baby daddy in Chef Gordon here? Seriously, though, who runs up and hugs Gordo? I'd be afraid I'd get smacked.
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Comments (11)
Well, of course it's the worst start to a season. None of those losers can actually coook!
And who wouldn't recognise the Dark Prince in a wig? Their collective astonishment was absurd!
I thought the General should go, for being such a hopeless leader. But they probably had their eye on the budget when they sacked the scallop waster.
Nice recap!! Thank you.
1 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on April 4, 2008 3:56 PM
Great recap MandaMo!
These candidates suck! OMG, that hen in a pumpkin literally made me want to puke. Speaking of puking, I was thoroughly disgusted when Fatso was picking his TOES before making the risotto! I hope he washed his nasty hands first...
Looking forward to more recaps!
2 of 11 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on April 4, 2008 4:45 PM
Sheesh! This is the worst bunch of cooks (cannot even call them chefs) ever! I think that Fatso should have been FIRED for toe jam risotto! YUK! Poor Gordon, this season promises to be a pixelated mess. The General needs to GO and quickly, some executive chef. Sad...
3 of 11 | Posted by dorisH | Posted on April 5, 2008 11:02 AM
Sheesh! This is the worst bunch of cooks (cannot even call them chefs) ever! I think that Fatso should have been FIRED for toe jam risotto! YUK! Poor Gordon, this season promises to be a pixelated mess. The General needs to GO and quickly, some executive chef. Sad...
4 of 11 | Posted by SnappyComeback | Posted on April 5, 2008 11:04 AM
Great Recap!!! Ramsey's nickname for LouRoss was the best. Loved it. I've been trying to figure out why the show started with more guys than gals. Jen is too funny. And it looks like Bobby will never get how awful he is.
5 of 11 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on April 5, 2008 2:44 PM
MandaMo, you are not the only one who finds Gordo very yummy. Although I thought he looked like Quentin Tarantino in his disguise.
6 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on April 6, 2008 5:31 AM
I cannot stand Fatso or the General! But I have a bad feeling that they are going to be around WAY too long.
I love the screencaps of Fatso in the straw hat and Gordon pulling off his nose. LOL! Hilarious!
7 of 11 | Posted by jellybean | Posted on April 6, 2008 1:58 PM
Wasn't the sous chef Gloria from a past season? She looks like the woman who was sucking in helium (and, basically, acting like an ass) when the woman's team was cleaning up after they lost a challenge.
8 of 11 | Posted by hartley | Posted on April 7, 2008 10:10 AM
I'm so happy this is being recapped! I just discovered the glory that is Gordon Ramsay on his BBC Kitchen Nightmare reruns, so this will be my first season in Hell's Kitchen. He's much more brutal here than in Nightmares, and I love him all the more for it.
MandaMo, I am in complete agreement re: Gordon's hot factor. There's just something about him... he's become my newest celebrity crush.
I think the series would be better off going the Project Runway/Top Chef route, ie hiring people with a modicum of experience/talent vs. people they seem to have pulled off the street (Milton, the fruit carver).
I can't think of anything insulting enough to say about Fatso at the moment, so I'll remain mum on him for the time being.
9 of 11 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on April 7, 2008 10:45 AM
Ah, the risotto, the risotto... have none of these contestants watched previous seasons of the show? Are none of them aware that risotto is a staple in Hell's Kitchen? Are any of them capable of preparing a stunning risotto that will impress Ramsay?
Evidently not.
However, it will be great fun to watch the very entertaining Chef Ramsay have his verbal way with the contestants. He can come over and shout in MY kitchen ANY time.
10 of 11 | Posted by Champagne | Posted on April 8, 2008 12:30 AM
The General and Fatso need to go. I don't understand how such total losers can have so much hubris. Get out the kitchen, dudes. You both suck!
11 of 11 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on April 8, 2008 12:05 PM