Back in the kitchen, the teams race to prepare their dishes. Ben takes the reigns in the Blue Kitchen and delegates duties to the rest of the team. And Corey bosses everyone around the Red Kitchen, telling them to move fast. Shayna seems to be confused and not doing anything. Not working slowly; just not doing anything at all. Great strategy, Shayby!
Matt is trying to peel asparagus and sucking at it, so Ben has to come over and show him what to do. He's whittling them down too thin. Everyone is yelling at him and he tells us that he's getting sick of the whole contest. He wants to quit because no one is allowing him to give any input. I know he wants sympathy from us, but he's so delusional that I can't possibly feel sorry.
Gordo asks if anyone's been to a Sweet 16 party. Surprisingly, Cringing Matt raises his hand. Who's Sweet 16 party has this guy been to?! I wonder if he just shows up uninvited and lurks in the corner to check out young girls. Because that's what I picture. Chef then asks if the food they prepared is similar to what was on that menu. Matt says no, and everyone is beside themselves.
But the awkward situation ends when the sweet 16-year-old, Melissa, and her mother walk in to taste the food and judge with Ramsay. Melissa is very skinny and pretty like most teenage girls. You know, it's an age where the metabolism still actually works, and it's easy to stay trim. But all that goes down the drain with the always dreaded Freshman 15 and only gets worse from there. So enjoy that figure while it lasts, girl, mmkay? Her mother, on the other hand, has been fighting the aging process with every tool at her disposal. She's so nipped, tucked and muscularly paralyzed, that her pinched and taut face has little mobility and her bone structure rivals that of Skeletor.
The teams will present the appetizer first, followed by each entree. The team with the most dishes chosen will win the challenge.
Shayna presents a Tuscan shrimp scampi that they are calling the Super Sweet 16 Shrimp Scampi. Ooooo nicely done on the spectacular example of alliteration! My eighth grade English teacher would be proud! The General presents a stuffed chicken wing, and Melissa's face immediately lights up. Melissa has never tried shrimp before and is very hesitant about it. She rubs it on her lips and then sticks it in her mouth only to spit it right back out into her napkin. Melissa chooses the chicken hands-down. It's the poo vein, mostly. Or maybe I'm just projecting my own feelings and opinions onto her.
Next, Jen presents a Caribbean halibut with a mango salsa. Ben has a sweet potato mash with sautéed asparagus and shrimp. Uh oh. He just said that "s" word! I imagine the men will lose this one. The mom pertly says that the fish is a little dry and the rice is undercooked. But if it weren't so, then the salsa is really good, so it might not be bad. Melissa still chooses the ladies' entrée because she hates asparagus and shrimp. Yeah it's the one-two punch with those two -- poo vein and asparagus pee. And don't pretend like you don't know what asparagus pee is because I know you do. And I can't believe that I'm talking about human excretions this much on a public forum either.
Corey presents the last dish, which she made herself. It's a flank steak and homemade French fries with pomegranate sauce. Corey was right about the pomegranate being trendy because one mention of that word, and Melissa perks right up. Petrozza presents a sassy surf and turf that he prepared alone. It has the dreaded shrimp and filet mignon.
Turns out that the pomegranate wasn't a good idea at all as Melissa thinks it's more like jewelry than food. And she doesn't like all the fat on Petrozza's steak. Melissa can't decide between the two dishes, and the mom tries to interject because she is totally one of those freaky controlling moms that has an "All About Eve" complex. Rams puts his foot down and says it's Melissa's choice, so basically the mom needs to shut up. I love how Gordo is so fearless with his attitude and will even put the client in her place! Melissa admits that her mom just changed her mind, and she picks the men's dish.
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Comments (15)
I first anticipated from the previous week that we would see Julia returning.
Seriously, are any of these guys likable? They're all attitude, no ability. Even G-Ram knows that they all suck.
And someone really needs to smack the shit out of Corey.
1 of 15 | Posted by you you you | Posted on May 11, 2008 12:23 PM
All I gotta say is that Corey is one delusional, egotistical, condesceding beeotch!!! Hate her!!
Great recap! :)
2 of 15 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on May 11, 2008 4:41 PM
Great recap.
I can't believe that dumbass Matt made it through yet ANOTHER round. His face is enough to keep me in a perpetual pissed off state every single week. He's a worthless sack of skin and the women are really in for a helluva horrible time with that clown cringing in their kitchen.
It's a pity about Shayna. She was finally starting to make herself known on the show, only to be cast off...meanwhile, Rosann and her "cooking skills" have made it yet another week. What with RamJam cooking for her and all?!?! I would've packed her bags for her myself!
3 of 15 | Posted by jaded | Posted on May 11, 2008 5:15 PM
Fabulous recap, as usual :).
On to the evil:
Corey is annoying and thikns she's hot shit. Toilet Brush is GAY that's why he was all Asian beaver face (anyone else think that was really inappropriate, that would be like me, a black chick, saying "No massa, I dun wanna get in the hot tub with ya") and refusing to get in the tub with her.
The Beneral is irritating but at least they actually cook stuff and get it out on time-ish. They actually seem to want to WIN and know that it takes moving your ass to do it.
Shayna is slow, yes, but it has nothing to do with her being overweight (jackass Corey). You could be 500 pounds and chop vegetables quickly. Mario Batali (my absolute fav Iron Chef and overall sweetheart) is a big fella but he gets around the kitchen on Iron Chef. Shut your face, Corey. I bet she's just pissed because she couldn't get into modeling or some other dumb shit.
Petrozza is just here because he never really screws up worse than anyone else.
Rosann can't cook meat properly. I don't know what she was doing but omg. I can cook steak better than her and I've literally burned a pan trying to boil water (don't ask).
4 of 15 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on May 11, 2008 8:40 PM
Christina: Shut your ugly, Whoface. She looks like a child and acts like a child. "I can read a book"???? So can a four year old, dumbass.
Cringing Matt...og Cringing Matt. I can't even look at his face without wanting to punch him. He was definitely the fat kid at school. He has a very soft voice that doesn't carry so everything he says sounds like he's about to cry when he says it. He's the uncool person who thinks he's cool. He is delusional. He thinks the Beneral is the reason the blue team was going down? Now he's gonna eff up the chicks with his very special brand of dumbassery.
By the way, he totally looks like Jake Gyllenhall's ugly uncle (and I totally imdb'd him to find out just how you spell his last name).
5 of 15 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on May 11, 2008 8:47 PM
Ok, two things here...first, what happend to the chef that was returning?
Second, when Fransico was introducing the queen of the day, did anyone else think it was going to be J. Phillipe?
:)
6 of 15 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:09 AM
Just an observation, but doesn't Matt look like he's smelling a fart each time we see him cringing (which is each time we see him)? That guy is a real douche.
Corey sure likes herself, doesn't she? :) Pathetic.
I was REALLY hoping for a Julia return, myself. Bring her back, G-Ram! She can win this whole thing!!
7 of 15 | Posted by marksangel | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:15 AM
Just an observation, but doesn't Matt look like he's smelling a fart each time we see him cringing (which is each time we see him)? That guy is a real douche.
Corey sure likes herself, doesn't she? :) Pathetic.
I was REALLY hoping for a Julia return, myself. Bring her back, G-Ram! She can win this whole thing!!
8 of 15 | Posted by marksangel | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:17 AM
So many rants, I don't know where to begin, but here goes.
First, the party planner. Wasn't that the same actor who was the wedding planner last year? And how many times does Ramsey say "for the first time ever in Hell's Kitchen...."
Matt: Not since Josh last season have I seen someone so incompetent survive week after week. He is horrible. Two weeks in a row he sends out raw food. He can't last long.
Mystery chef: If Matt is the mystery chef joining the girls, why did FOX show a promo showing someone behind a closed door about to enter the kitchen?
Elimination: How bad is this group? The two people that stayed served raw fish and raw steak. One week, I'd like Ramsey to send multiple chefs packing. Of course, FOX couldn't stretch this out to Labor Day that way.
9 of 15 | Posted by belmont | Posted on May 12, 2008 2:30 PM
Okay, I could have sworn I saw a wedding ring on Matt's hand.
If he is married, then whoever this woman is, my god, you are my hero. If I had to look at that cringing face day in and day out, I would probably lose it.
10 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 12, 2008 4:01 PM
Cringing Matt = Human form of Burt from Sesame Street
11 of 15 | Posted by keelaurow | Posted on May 12, 2008 5:14 PM
Great recap! Where DID they get this group of "chefs" this year? Seriously, I'm not sure I'd let a one of them work in my kitchen, much less run it! Makes me feel less bad for them when GR hollers at them.
Corey and the Beneral have seriously cocky attitudes without a whole lot to show for it, other than being less incompetent than the competition which is an extremely low bar! And don't even get me started on the Amazing Cringer himself!
And sorry to say, but the "Sexy Men of Hell's Kitchen" calendar might have to lose a few months. Or 12. "Sexy Men of Top Chef" would be a lot easier to publish...
12 of 15 | Posted by ChicagoGal | Posted on May 13, 2008 9:27 AM
Sorry, but this is driving me crazy and I've seen it more than once here.
The phrase is "take the REINS." As in reins on a horse's bridle, to control the animal.
Reigns = what a King or Queen does over subjects (rules).
Reins = Straps of leather that control a 1200-pound prey animal that can run fast, and kick and bite hard. "Dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle" - David Niven
13 of 15 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on May 13, 2008 1:04 PM
--And sorry to say, but the "Sexy Men of Hell's Kitchen" calendar might have to lose a few months. Or 12.--
Unless they just alternate months between Gordon and Jean-Philippe. God, I love that Belgian waffle!
14 of 15 | Posted by coolbyrne | Posted on May 16, 2008 4:00 PM
Thankyou, killbondnow, for your astute correction.
Seriously.
I cannot be the only trainspotter on this site (not something I am particularly proud of, as "nobody likes a know-it-all" echoes in my ears).
I frequently have to quell the urge to correct people, but then I often also wonder, surely people rather get something right than continue to display their ignorance?
~~~
MandaMo, I can't remember if I said this previously, but you officially ROCK! Hilarious recap, doll!
15 of 15 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 17, 2008 4:23 AM