And the men. Freak. Out. They cheer, jump around, high five each other and high five Melissa. Matt celebrates too even though he hated all the food. Jen is annoyed because the mom interfered and influenced Melissa. Because they lost, the women will be decorating the dining room to make it look more like a Sweet 16 celebration. And the men will enjoy a "teenage-inspired reward."
The women start cleaning up the room when Francisco, the party planner, enters the room with a grand "Hello hello!" He reads off his little clipboard everything that needs to be done. The list includes balloon bouquets and sconces. The room is going to be so sparklicious that even Tinkerbell will be jealous! It will be sweeter than the sweetest dessert! (His words. Not mine. And for the record, I would never say anything THAT lame.)
Meanwhile, the men are getting out some aggression on the go kart track. They skid around and play bumper cars. The General wins and says that's what he does because he's from Niagara Falls! And for those of you who don't know, that's what Niagara Falls is best known for. Go Kart racing! Did you think it was better known for something else? Some sort of natural wonder of the world? Yes? Then you would be wrong.
Mommy Dearest arrives in the dining room and wants an update on the decorating. She looks around and totally freaks out. She wanted everything to be silver. Right now there are blue and red plates, and those do not match her vision! It's all about presentation! Then she loses her patience and asks who's in charge of the napkins. Right now, the napkins are just rolled up, sitting the plates like sloppy burritos. She wants napkin rings! Napkin rings match her vision! Napkin rings that are silver!
Shayna, who works in catering and has planned many parties, folds the napkin into a weird flowery thing and places it in the empty water glass. The mom likes it, but Corey thinks it looks stupid. I thought it looked kinda nice myself.
Now the men are at a restaurant where a man transforms American classic snack cakes into gourmet desserts. It's pretty cool, actually. And what a nifty idea.
The men go back to Hell's Kitchen, and finally we get to see the faux budding romance between Corey and Toilet Brush outside. He says that they are like two peas in a pod. Twinkie and the filling. A toilet and a brush. He hearts her, man. Then Corey literally rips off her clothes and plunges into the hottub. But not to worry, folks, this is just yet another one of Corey's weird seduction plots. She says that T.B. is attracted to her, which makes him an easy target.
The whole interaction is weird and makes me feel uncomfortable, flabbergasted and grossed out all at the same time. Corey tells Brushy to get in the tub, and he does this weird prolonged beaver face and beaver laugh. It feels like it lasts a lifetime. But Corey confides to us that nothing would ever actually happen with them because she's two feet taller, and, oh, she has a boyfriend. Just a pesky little detail!
Now it's back to Hell's Kitchen to prepare for the Sweet 16. In addition to Rams' classic dishes, the winning dishes will also be on the menu. Ben makes fun of the women's mango salsa saying that it's elementary and easy. Yeah, but it's also delicious! And 16-year-olds can't handle anything too weird. We've been over that already!
Then Ben gives Shayna a hard time because the mango salsa is her recipe. She says that he hasn't cut veggies small enough, and he says that if it's diced any smaller, it will be guacamole. He's kinda getting snotty here. I don't know how I feel about this. Shayna tells us that she's mad because her salsa is a creative idea and if he's going to recreate it, it still needs to keep the integrity of the original. Okay, it's salsa here, lady. Not the Sistine Chapel. I declare that this argument has no winner because they are both being really dumb.
Then Shayna spends the next 90 billion years carefully dicing up vegetables. And all the girls are annoyed with her pace.
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Comments (15)
I first anticipated from the previous week that we would see Julia returning.
Seriously, are any of these guys likable? They're all attitude, no ability. Even G-Ram knows that they all suck.
And someone really needs to smack the shit out of Corey.
1 of 15 | Posted by you you you | Posted on May 11, 2008 12:23 PM
All I gotta say is that Corey is one delusional, egotistical, condesceding beeotch!!! Hate her!!
Great recap! :)
2 of 15 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on May 11, 2008 4:41 PM
Great recap.
I can't believe that dumbass Matt made it through yet ANOTHER round. His face is enough to keep me in a perpetual pissed off state every single week. He's a worthless sack of skin and the women are really in for a helluva horrible time with that clown cringing in their kitchen.
It's a pity about Shayna. She was finally starting to make herself known on the show, only to be cast off...meanwhile, Rosann and her "cooking skills" have made it yet another week. What with RamJam cooking for her and all?!?! I would've packed her bags for her myself!
3 of 15 | Posted by jaded | Posted on May 11, 2008 5:15 PM
Fabulous recap, as usual :).
On to the evil:
Corey is annoying and thikns she's hot shit. Toilet Brush is GAY that's why he was all Asian beaver face (anyone else think that was really inappropriate, that would be like me, a black chick, saying "No massa, I dun wanna get in the hot tub with ya") and refusing to get in the tub with her.
The Beneral is irritating but at least they actually cook stuff and get it out on time-ish. They actually seem to want to WIN and know that it takes moving your ass to do it.
Shayna is slow, yes, but it has nothing to do with her being overweight (jackass Corey). You could be 500 pounds and chop vegetables quickly. Mario Batali (my absolute fav Iron Chef and overall sweetheart) is a big fella but he gets around the kitchen on Iron Chef. Shut your face, Corey. I bet she's just pissed because she couldn't get into modeling or some other dumb shit.
Petrozza is just here because he never really screws up worse than anyone else.
Rosann can't cook meat properly. I don't know what she was doing but omg. I can cook steak better than her and I've literally burned a pan trying to boil water (don't ask).
4 of 15 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on May 11, 2008 8:40 PM
Christina: Shut your ugly, Whoface. She looks like a child and acts like a child. "I can read a book"???? So can a four year old, dumbass.
Cringing Matt...og Cringing Matt. I can't even look at his face without wanting to punch him. He was definitely the fat kid at school. He has a very soft voice that doesn't carry so everything he says sounds like he's about to cry when he says it. He's the uncool person who thinks he's cool. He is delusional. He thinks the Beneral is the reason the blue team was going down? Now he's gonna eff up the chicks with his very special brand of dumbassery.
By the way, he totally looks like Jake Gyllenhall's ugly uncle (and I totally imdb'd him to find out just how you spell his last name).
5 of 15 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on May 11, 2008 8:47 PM
Ok, two things here...first, what happend to the chef that was returning?
Second, when Fransico was introducing the queen of the day, did anyone else think it was going to be J. Phillipe?
:)
6 of 15 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:09 AM
Just an observation, but doesn't Matt look like he's smelling a fart each time we see him cringing (which is each time we see him)? That guy is a real douche.
Corey sure likes herself, doesn't she? :) Pathetic.
I was REALLY hoping for a Julia return, myself. Bring her back, G-Ram! She can win this whole thing!!
7 of 15 | Posted by marksangel | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:15 AM
Just an observation, but doesn't Matt look like he's smelling a fart each time we see him cringing (which is each time we see him)? That guy is a real douche.
Corey sure likes herself, doesn't she? :) Pathetic.
I was REALLY hoping for a Julia return, myself. Bring her back, G-Ram! She can win this whole thing!!
8 of 15 | Posted by marksangel | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:17 AM
So many rants, I don't know where to begin, but here goes.
First, the party planner. Wasn't that the same actor who was the wedding planner last year? And how many times does Ramsey say "for the first time ever in Hell's Kitchen...."
Matt: Not since Josh last season have I seen someone so incompetent survive week after week. He is horrible. Two weeks in a row he sends out raw food. He can't last long.
Mystery chef: If Matt is the mystery chef joining the girls, why did FOX show a promo showing someone behind a closed door about to enter the kitchen?
Elimination: How bad is this group? The two people that stayed served raw fish and raw steak. One week, I'd like Ramsey to send multiple chefs packing. Of course, FOX couldn't stretch this out to Labor Day that way.
9 of 15 | Posted by belmont | Posted on May 12, 2008 2:30 PM
Okay, I could have sworn I saw a wedding ring on Matt's hand.
If he is married, then whoever this woman is, my god, you are my hero. If I had to look at that cringing face day in and day out, I would probably lose it.
10 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 12, 2008 4:01 PM
Cringing Matt = Human form of Burt from Sesame Street
11 of 15 | Posted by keelaurow | Posted on May 12, 2008 5:14 PM
Great recap! Where DID they get this group of "chefs" this year? Seriously, I'm not sure I'd let a one of them work in my kitchen, much less run it! Makes me feel less bad for them when GR hollers at them.
Corey and the Beneral have seriously cocky attitudes without a whole lot to show for it, other than being less incompetent than the competition which is an extremely low bar! And don't even get me started on the Amazing Cringer himself!
And sorry to say, but the "Sexy Men of Hell's Kitchen" calendar might have to lose a few months. Or 12. "Sexy Men of Top Chef" would be a lot easier to publish...
12 of 15 | Posted by ChicagoGal | Posted on May 13, 2008 9:27 AM
Sorry, but this is driving me crazy and I've seen it more than once here.
The phrase is "take the REINS." As in reins on a horse's bridle, to control the animal.
Reigns = what a King or Queen does over subjects (rules).
Reins = Straps of leather that control a 1200-pound prey animal that can run fast, and kick and bite hard. "Dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle" - David Niven
13 of 15 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on May 13, 2008 1:04 PM
--And sorry to say, but the "Sexy Men of Hell's Kitchen" calendar might have to lose a few months. Or 12.--
Unless they just alternate months between Gordon and Jean-Philippe. God, I love that Belgian waffle!
14 of 15 | Posted by coolbyrne | Posted on May 16, 2008 4:00 PM
Thankyou, killbondnow, for your astute correction.
Seriously.
I cannot be the only trainspotter on this site (not something I am particularly proud of, as "nobody likes a know-it-all" echoes in my ears).
I frequently have to quell the urge to correct people, but then I often also wonder, surely people rather get something right than continue to display their ignorance?
~~~
MandaMo, I can't remember if I said this previously, but you officially ROCK! Hilarious recap, doll!
15 of 15 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 17, 2008 4:23 AM