Hell's Kitchen opens and Melissa's friends begin to file in. Jean-Philippe has really met his match in Francisco, and they stand around and compliment each others' clothing. I can't tell if it's a sarcastic conversation or not, but J.P. sure is cute, isn't he? I love that little French cartoon! Or Belgian cartoon! Or whatever he is!
As the party guests go through their expensive party favors, Francisco announces the queen for the evening, Melissa. And she trots down the stairs into the dining room. Everyone applauds and even her mom's creepy Botoxed face manages to show some emotion.
Things start rolling in the kitchen, but the ladies immediately hit a speed bump as Christina forgets to put the mushrooms in the mushroom risotto. And the men also hit a bump because they didn't sauce the chicken enough. And then just when Christina gets the risotto mushroomy enough, it's not parmesany enough! Geez! Follow the recipe! By the way, has anyone ever noticed that Christina's cute, pointy little nose sits on her face sideways? She's like a real, live Picasso or something.
The Red Team moves on to entrees, and Rosann has the difficult task of preparing Melissa's meat. It needs to be perfect and medium well. Rosann says that since she has a teenage daughter, she wants to give Melissa the best party she could possibly have. All right, Rosie. May the force be with you on this one.
Mommy Dearest is getting impatient waiting for Matt to cook her fish. Petrozza delivers yet another wonderful one-liner about the Cringer, saying that "Matty is hanging on by a thread with the fire of hell looming underneath him." And it's true, Matt is perpetually slow and completely confused. At all times. And when he's not doing those things, he's cringing.
Mom finally gets her food, but Melissa can't eat hers because her so-called medium-well steak is all pink and drippy. She has J.P send it back to the kitchen to be cooked a little more. And of course Gordo is furious. He slams the dish in front of Rosann. You know, I like Rosann, but when she gets flustered, she can't do anything. She just paces around, picks things up and sets them back down again. And Melissa's mom sends back her fish because it's too dry. Geez!!!
This is where Gordo loses it. He slams the plate of fish down and starts screaming, "It's mush! It's mush it's mush IT'S MUSH!" Francisco tries to deflect attention away from Rams' outburst by telling everyone to keep talking at their tables.
Rams freaks out at Matt for not waking up. And then freaks out at Rosann, who has cooked up yet another freakishly raw piece of meat. He scoots Rosann out of the way and takes over himself, cooking the meat in a pan. Rosann peters around in the background, kinda not sure what to do, occasionally scooting a pan around. And Ramsay turns to her and yells, "Leave. Me. Alone!" She's incredibly embarrassed and shuffles off.
When Melissa gets her properly cooked steak, she loves it. But Matt's second attempt at the fish is bad. The General grabs it before it goes out of the dining room and points out that it's raw and cold. Gens pushes Matty out of the way and takes over the fish station. Matt cringes and says that General is acting like he's doing a bad job. Then the General breaks the news to him that he IS doing a bad job. Matt is in such denial. He blames the whole ordeal on the General saying that he's controlling and crazy. No, he just wants to win, dude. And no one is going to win with your incompetent ass doing much of anything.
Shayna is keeping with her theme of the day and moving impossibly slow while cooking up the vegetables. Corey says that because Shayna is overweight, she can't move fast. Shayby might be slow, but Corey's just a jerk.
Then Gordon gets mad at the General for running Matt's station, which surprises me because Matt really couldn't do it himself. Gordo says that the worst part is that Matt let the General take over his section; he would have never allowed that. Then he whispers to Matt, "You can only hide for so long." Matt says that he's not hiding at all and cringes in anger. Then Chef yells at him for denying that he's hiding.
Matt cringes at the camera and says that he did need help. But help does not mean pushing someone away.
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Comments (15)
I first anticipated from the previous week that we would see Julia returning.
Seriously, are any of these guys likable? They're all attitude, no ability. Even G-Ram knows that they all suck.
And someone really needs to smack the shit out of Corey.
1 of 15 | Posted by you you you | Posted on May 11, 2008 12:23 PM
All I gotta say is that Corey is one delusional, egotistical, condesceding beeotch!!! Hate her!!
Great recap! :)
2 of 15 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on May 11, 2008 4:41 PM
Great recap.
I can't believe that dumbass Matt made it through yet ANOTHER round. His face is enough to keep me in a perpetual pissed off state every single week. He's a worthless sack of skin and the women are really in for a helluva horrible time with that clown cringing in their kitchen.
It's a pity about Shayna. She was finally starting to make herself known on the show, only to be cast off...meanwhile, Rosann and her "cooking skills" have made it yet another week. What with RamJam cooking for her and all?!?! I would've packed her bags for her myself!
3 of 15 | Posted by jaded | Posted on May 11, 2008 5:15 PM
Fabulous recap, as usual :).
On to the evil:
Corey is annoying and thikns she's hot shit. Toilet Brush is GAY that's why he was all Asian beaver face (anyone else think that was really inappropriate, that would be like me, a black chick, saying "No massa, I dun wanna get in the hot tub with ya") and refusing to get in the tub with her.
The Beneral is irritating but at least they actually cook stuff and get it out on time-ish. They actually seem to want to WIN and know that it takes moving your ass to do it.
Shayna is slow, yes, but it has nothing to do with her being overweight (jackass Corey). You could be 500 pounds and chop vegetables quickly. Mario Batali (my absolute fav Iron Chef and overall sweetheart) is a big fella but he gets around the kitchen on Iron Chef. Shut your face, Corey. I bet she's just pissed because she couldn't get into modeling or some other dumb shit.
Petrozza is just here because he never really screws up worse than anyone else.
Rosann can't cook meat properly. I don't know what she was doing but omg. I can cook steak better than her and I've literally burned a pan trying to boil water (don't ask).
4 of 15 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on May 11, 2008 8:40 PM
Christina: Shut your ugly, Whoface. She looks like a child and acts like a child. "I can read a book"???? So can a four year old, dumbass.
Cringing Matt...og Cringing Matt. I can't even look at his face without wanting to punch him. He was definitely the fat kid at school. He has a very soft voice that doesn't carry so everything he says sounds like he's about to cry when he says it. He's the uncool person who thinks he's cool. He is delusional. He thinks the Beneral is the reason the blue team was going down? Now he's gonna eff up the chicks with his very special brand of dumbassery.
By the way, he totally looks like Jake Gyllenhall's ugly uncle (and I totally imdb'd him to find out just how you spell his last name).
5 of 15 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on May 11, 2008 8:47 PM
Ok, two things here...first, what happend to the chef that was returning?
Second, when Fransico was introducing the queen of the day, did anyone else think it was going to be J. Phillipe?
:)
6 of 15 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:09 AM
Just an observation, but doesn't Matt look like he's smelling a fart each time we see him cringing (which is each time we see him)? That guy is a real douche.
Corey sure likes herself, doesn't she? :) Pathetic.
I was REALLY hoping for a Julia return, myself. Bring her back, G-Ram! She can win this whole thing!!
7 of 15 | Posted by marksangel | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:15 AM
Just an observation, but doesn't Matt look like he's smelling a fart each time we see him cringing (which is each time we see him)? That guy is a real douche.
Corey sure likes herself, doesn't she? :) Pathetic.
I was REALLY hoping for a Julia return, myself. Bring her back, G-Ram! She can win this whole thing!!
8 of 15 | Posted by marksangel | Posted on May 12, 2008 10:17 AM
So many rants, I don't know where to begin, but here goes.
First, the party planner. Wasn't that the same actor who was the wedding planner last year? And how many times does Ramsey say "for the first time ever in Hell's Kitchen...."
Matt: Not since Josh last season have I seen someone so incompetent survive week after week. He is horrible. Two weeks in a row he sends out raw food. He can't last long.
Mystery chef: If Matt is the mystery chef joining the girls, why did FOX show a promo showing someone behind a closed door about to enter the kitchen?
Elimination: How bad is this group? The two people that stayed served raw fish and raw steak. One week, I'd like Ramsey to send multiple chefs packing. Of course, FOX couldn't stretch this out to Labor Day that way.
9 of 15 | Posted by belmont | Posted on May 12, 2008 2:30 PM
Okay, I could have sworn I saw a wedding ring on Matt's hand.
If he is married, then whoever this woman is, my god, you are my hero. If I had to look at that cringing face day in and day out, I would probably lose it.
10 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 12, 2008 4:01 PM
Cringing Matt = Human form of Burt from Sesame Street
11 of 15 | Posted by keelaurow | Posted on May 12, 2008 5:14 PM
Great recap! Where DID they get this group of "chefs" this year? Seriously, I'm not sure I'd let a one of them work in my kitchen, much less run it! Makes me feel less bad for them when GR hollers at them.
Corey and the Beneral have seriously cocky attitudes without a whole lot to show for it, other than being less incompetent than the competition which is an extremely low bar! And don't even get me started on the Amazing Cringer himself!
And sorry to say, but the "Sexy Men of Hell's Kitchen" calendar might have to lose a few months. Or 12. "Sexy Men of Top Chef" would be a lot easier to publish...
12 of 15 | Posted by ChicagoGal | Posted on May 13, 2008 9:27 AM
Sorry, but this is driving me crazy and I've seen it more than once here.
The phrase is "take the REINS." As in reins on a horse's bridle, to control the animal.
Reigns = what a King or Queen does over subjects (rules).
Reins = Straps of leather that control a 1200-pound prey animal that can run fast, and kick and bite hard. "Dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle" - David Niven
13 of 15 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on May 13, 2008 1:04 PM
--And sorry to say, but the "Sexy Men of Hell's Kitchen" calendar might have to lose a few months. Or 12.--
Unless they just alternate months between Gordon and Jean-Philippe. God, I love that Belgian waffle!
14 of 15 | Posted by coolbyrne | Posted on May 16, 2008 4:00 PM
Thankyou, killbondnow, for your astute correction.
Seriously.
I cannot be the only trainspotter on this site (not something I am particularly proud of, as "nobody likes a know-it-all" echoes in my ears).
I frequently have to quell the urge to correct people, but then I often also wonder, surely people rather get something right than continue to display their ignorance?
~~~
MandaMo, I can't remember if I said this previously, but you officially ROCK! Hilarious recap, doll!
15 of 15 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 17, 2008 4:23 AM