Hell's Kitchen:Fat Is Bad!

Tonight on Hell's Kitchen Gordon makes the contestants do something awful, low cal cooking. WHAT? There's a fight or two and looks like McByPass' might just need a bypass. Let's check in shall we?

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Prolly shouldn't have had that last lard sammich.

Previously the Red Team sucked harder than Monica Lewinsky. The Blue Team dominated and WhoopiG stood her ground and in spite of being nominated got Tek's ignorant ass thrown out instead.

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Bite.My.Ass.Bitches.

After Tek gets booted, Gordon calls TequilaGirl over for a chat. She's been crying the whole time. He doesn't think she has anything left in the tank and tells her to get her shit together and fast. She sobs and promises she is strong like bull.

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I...sniff sniff snot sniffle....am...not...weak...wahhhhhhhhhh!

McByPass takes this opportunity to tell us how weak and sucky the girls team is. And he laughs. Dude, pride goeth before a big fall. In your case I hope everyone gets outta the way in time. Back over at the weak sucky team WhoopiG is still pissed and lets the girls know it. The other girls mumble and grumble and whine.

The next morning Gordon says words I never ever want to hear again. I don't even want to type it. Sigh. He says that he always makes sure that his menu has a LOW CALORIE OPTION. I may cry. I need a minute. Oh Lord it gets worse. The chefabes are told that they need to make a 3 course meal...get ready for this...all under 700 calories total. I feel dizzy.


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Killer of dreams, and taste buds.

McByPass looks like I feel. He tells us he takes 700 calorie bites. "I'm a chef that likes to cook with butter, cream and fat!" Ha no shit. Gordon tells them they need one appetizer, one entree and a dessert. He has brought in health experts and nutritionists to assist them. And they are carrying calculators. Two things I hate. Skinny bitches and math.

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Satan's daughters.


They have 45 minutes and a bunch of shit to choose from that's labeled with their calorie content. Off they go. Oh I forgot to say that Gordon expects this 700 calorie nightmare to be tasty. Hahahahahaaha. Good luck with that.

The girls seem to know what to do from the start but the guys are fumbling around like they are trying to remove their first bra. Satan's daughters are right there weighing and calculating and keeping track of the calories. Sabrina brags that she works at a health spa and deals with calorie count, carb count all that shit all the time.

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I don't remember the last time I tasted anything.

Van decides for the entree they shall do a pork chop with soba noodles. Yeah cause when ya want low calories a nice big slab of fatty pork is the way to go. Well blow me down, one of Satan's daughter explains to DipVanDumbass that they are now at 1051 calories. And they haven't even done dessert yet. Jim suggests they just make the portion into a small child size. Like infant size.

The women get to cooking while the men stand around scratching their asses. Finally with 12 minutes left the guys get started on what they think cannot lose. On to the tasting. Up first WhoopiG presents Gordon with seared scallops with a tangy mango chutney at 204 calories.

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Oh man I'm having Lean Cusine flashbacks.

Gordon loves it. He says he doesn't feel cheated. He's lying. WhoopiG is ticked shitless.

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I suddenly have the urge to watch The Color Purple.


Up next is Kevin with a grilled Key West seafood salad. Calories, 156. Hahahahaha!

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South Beach?

Oh gross Gordon actually likes it! Whats wrong with him? They are tied one to one.

Next up for the women is Ariel with a cottage cheese stuffed pork chop with 308 calories.

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I probably would eat that. If there were two of them.

Gordon thinks it's delicious and the portion control is brilliant. Bite me Gordon. You've gone over to the dark side and I no longer love you.

Jim is up next and he feels confident with his dish. That means it will be hideous. He has made a pork cutlet with soba noodles. They don't even get to the calories because when he unveils his masterpiece Gordon utters "fuck". He tells him it looks like a child's plate.

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Ok I love you again.

The pork chop is dry and Jim tells him the calories were 210. 100 below the girls pork chop. The girls are grinning and McByPass just sighs. Gordon sends him away with a "What a shame." That's gotta hurt.

TequilaGirl is giddy or most likely tequila'd out the gills and she celebrates.

Hell's Kitchen:Fat Is Bad! Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (26)

shantigal:

Of course Whoopi was kicked out, she had the audacity to do what any normal person would do when called a stupid cow.

Seriously, why is FOX trying to kill Robert on national TV? There was absolutely no reason for them to have to ride that stupid bike thing. The boys already had their punishment of setting up both kitchens.

Cherie, thanks for making me laugh so much on an otherwise uneventful Monday.

yeschef:

"she had the audacity to do what any normal person would do when called a stupid cow.
"

And she paid the consequence of mouthing off to the head chef i.e. the drill sergeant of the kitchen.

As for Robert he was supposedly healtheir.Seems after the 5th season he is going in for a gastric bypass and is undergoing prepping.

The losing team always has a second aspect of the punishment sometimes only one person gets it. The cleaning and prepping is stuff they are supposed to be doing each service so it really isn't a punishment just more work.

yeschef:

That weird contrapation is called a conferance bike. They cost about 13 grand or so. A number of places rent them out for tours events etc.

Also while it is a bike it does have a motor so the bike has a min speed of ten miles per hour and one person steers it.

dutchbikes.us/cobi/
Just add the stuff to make it a website.

Also conferencebike
Just add the .com

Anonymous:

I honestly don't care if Robert needs surgery or has further complications from this. Come on people. We all watched (or at least read about) what happened last season. First he was so fat that he couldn't go on half the rewards they had (I specifically remember a Segway and an airplane). Then, he has to leave the show completely because he's so out of shape that he's having heart troubles! However, none of this was enough of a signal to him that he needed to drop 50-100 pounds ASAP if he wanted to live his life?

If someone's not going to take a hint and get themselves in shape, they deserve what they get. Heartless? Sure. Truthful? Admit it, you all nodded your heads when you read this.

Wizechiklet:

Sorry, I have to disagree with Anonymous about Robert. Nobody can simply drop 100 lbs 'ASAP'. It's not like he put it on overnight, so it won't come off just like that.
True, the most likely fact is his eating habits caused his obesity, and he'd better focus on changing those habits if he wants to live; if not for only himself, then.. please, for his loved ones.
It's not a cut'n'dry matter of being able to suddenly lose weight. This is what fat people struggle with all the time: others who can't understand why they won't smarten up and get thin on cue.
I wish him the best.

Cherie:

Thank you yeschef for the info. I have never seen one of those before.

As for Robert, after what happened last time it wasn't exactly a shock to see it happen again. I do wish him well though.

Thanks for reading everyone!

chooch850:

I want to watch "The Color Purple" too!!

And lay off the fat people "Anonymous". It's not that easy, so shut the hell up!

But Robert should not have returned for more reasons than just his health.

PottyMouth:

Cherie, you crack me up girl. I loved the screen cap "You want to kiss me, don't you?" For whatever reason that just made me giggle several times.

I agree with Chooch. Robert should not have been allowed back again this year and not just because he's fat. I'd like to see him go SOON.

SWAK, PottyMouth

njgasmifan:

Great job Cherie! Loved every minute of your recap.

I'm with Wizechiklet - if Robert DID lose 50-100 lbs quickly that would be extremely unhealthy and hard on his heart. I noticed that I did not see him smoking this season when everyone is outside for the bitchfest. I am hoping he has at least make that lifestyle change. I also don't think he should have put himself under the stress of another season until his health issues were fully resolved - I guess he felt he could not pass this up, but he may have to rethink that.

I am amazed at how one week the chefs can totally rock and the following week they over or undercook everything. Does anyone know who decides what stations the chefs will work? I have to assume that they are rotated around to see how they perform under all situations, but I am curious if the chefs or the teams have any input in chef placement. It seems that if the apps person sucks, it really throws off the team - not only in timing but in morale.

Must say, I giggled mightily at the boys inability to produce a low-cal, tasty meal. Since these are featured at most restaurants, I would have thought they could have come up with something better than the child's portions they put out. But agree with you Cherie, that stuff never enters my mind when I am dining out - I want the cream, the butter, the oil AND the gooey dessert.... hugs to you - xoxo

Anonymous:

I don't know why it doesn't show my screenname, but whatever.

I'm not backing off my earlier comments. I know it's not easy to lose weight. That was my point! The last season should've been a wake-up call that his obesity (which he was so proud of in the opening introductions of last season) was not only out of control, but had reached the point that it was keeping him from enjoying positive things in life (the rewards) and was holding him back from opportunities (like having to leave the competition early). But no, instead he goes right back on the show! It was a selfish move for someone that's engaged.

My point is not about his disgusting obesity, it's that he obviously didn't learn his lesson the first time around.

Stop being so automatically defensive and read through the lines. I feel bad for obese people, but when they've had a huge setback and do nothing to make sure it doesn't happen again, I have no sympathy.

yeschef:

" Does anyone know who decides what stations the chefs will work? I have to assume that they are rotated around to see how they perform under all situations,."

It's all part of the boot camp approach to see who will be the best chef. Resumes can well lie and under stress the true capabilties of someone can come out. It's a trial by fire.

I swear I have seen interviews etc that state they do agree on what stations to take and they do rotate it so presumbly at the end everyone will have done each station at least once. A head chef has to have knowledge of every position on the line and what better way to test that then have them do each position on the line and often hold multiple positions at the same time.

Remember it's often a 24 hour or 48 hour period of each episode so the challenges, punishments, disruptions to routine as well as any snafus really put things out of whack. It's all a grueling test and is a lot harder then it looks.

Oh for those thinking it was only a month before Robert went back to Hell's Kitchen it's actually more like ten or eleven or even tweleve months more then enough time to make a recovery as well as improvements plus he would have to get cleared or sign off several papers showing he was aware of the risks.

Season 5 was originally meant to air after season four did but was delayed till now due to the guild strikes. Season four and five were filmed back to back in a two month period basically in Novemeber since Gordon was born November 8.. Season 6 and 7 were also filmed back to back in a two month period think it was jan and feb due to the calls for people to come on craigslist.

njgasmifan:

Thanks Yeschef! I would think if the chefs had any input they would put someone strong on apps just to give them a running start.

As someone who can ruin EZ Mac in the micro, I have no doubt this is harder than it looks. I have heard before (maybe Bourdain's book or Ramsay's) that kitchens are run like a military squad.

pappy44:

Not only did he not lose any weight, but he looks like he may have added about 40-50lbs.

He doesn't need to be on this show, he needs to get some help to get his weight down and be healthy...

yeschef:

"Not only did he not lose any weight, but he looks like he may have added about 40-50lbs. "

Apperances can be deceiving as to how much a person weighs.

At 330 pounds most people would have sworn up and down that I was 230 at most. I have seen people at 350 that were bigger then Robert with an ass twice as big. I am talking an entire bench taken up by the person.

"input they would put someone strong on apps just to give them a running start."

Well the chef could be laying about how strong they are so it's not that big of a help for the supposed strongest chef to go first on apps. Plus apps are supposed to be easy to prepare and well as Ramsay himself says they got a while to prepare once they get the recipe book but they often don't take it seriously their first day.

Kitchen Brigade is pretty much centuries old is and something the French first did. It does make logical sense to do it in a certain way and a military structure does tend to produce order in the chaos that is a kitchen.

rukiddingme:

"And lay off the fat people "Anonymous". It's not that easy, so shut the hell up!"

WOW! Isn't that a little harsh?


J-Mo:

Awesome job, Cherie! Love your work as always and thank you for all the Robert pics, I never get tired of looking at his chubby little face.

It's possible that if he quit smoking that could be the source of his weight gain. Speaking as a former smoker who has quit multiple times, I almost always put on some pounds afterwards, and if he already had some cruddy eating habits they may have been exacerbated by trying to wean off of nicotine.

Or he might just like to eat a lot and not exercise much (or at all).

Either way, I think he's kind of a cutie, but I'm weird like that.

love, J-Mo :)

Cherie:

I thought about that too J-Mo. I've never smoked I'm just naturally fat but I have seen it time and time again when someone quits they gain weight. I haven't seen him smoking this year.

Thanks for your comments & everyones. You always make me smile J-Mo.

Love!

Eric_RoM:

I'll be happy when that fat, misogynistic redneck hits the road, or for that matter, a slab. And if he'd butted me like he butted Keven, he would have found out what the floor tasted like.

Anonymous:

If you want to claim that quitting smoking is part of the reason for his weight gain, then I must of course ask, how many cartons a day was he smoking???

And don't worry rukiddingme. Chooch850 is just upset because the 850 probably represents his/her own weight. That or people are just ridonkulously uptight.

angelbayyb:

i didnt read the full recap or the comments yet but...

i cant believe u didnt say anything about how whoopi was LITERALLY foaming at the corners of her mouth when they were yelling outside.. seriously there was white crap everywhere i had to keep looking away.
by far it was the thing that stuck out to me the most in this episode lol

Cherie:

I wanted to say something about her foaming at the mouth and I meant to but it was so gross every time I looked at it I gagged too lol. I even tried to get a close up and just couldn't take it. I gag easily.

That reminds me I need to call my husband.

Thanks everyone!

giffordsaz:

I know Chooch and she isn't like you discribe her. She is sweet and giving and loving and I am guessing didn't like your tone. Chooch is one of the fairest and most honest people here and calls the shots pretty cleanly.

Anonymous:

You can't say someone "calls the shots cleanly" when they tell someone to shut up for pointing out that someone is so overweight that their life is in jeopardy from riding a bike and yet they participate in a cooking competition before taking care of their health. She can be "sweet", "giving", and "loving", but it's not her place to decide what observations and opinions people can and should have. Like I said originally. You don't have to like what I said or even agree with it, but I spoke my opinion and she was out of line to tell me or anyone else to shut up.

End of story.

Cherie:

Anonymous, everyones comments are welcome here. We don't have to all agree. I've known chooch for a very long time and she is fair, honest, and giving. She also says what's on her mind at the time just like you do. Chooch is well known on this site and the people who know her know that most likely she was being sarcastic about "shut the hell up." So why don't we just agree to disagree and get back to the show.

Now I would like everyone to gather for a big group hug.

chooch850:

Good lord... don't you have anything better to do than bitch about a stupid comment. I was referring to WhoopiG when I said "Shut the hell up!" Don't you watch this show? Now you've got a regular feud going. Nice work. It's good for readership so Cherie should thank you

Now let's "hug it out".....

Cherie:

Yeah that 12 cents a comment I make is really adding up! Love you choochie!

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