It's coming down to the wire folks. Four Chefabes left. I think Ramsay only has a handful of veins left that he can burst without dying so let's take a peek and see what the final four of Hell's Kitchen are up to.
Last week, Ramsay was all but dribbling on himself as he muttered over and over "It's not possible." Suzbland was FINALLY sent packing and One Armed Wonder was continuously hurting his already messed up arm. Man if he can pull this off, they should double his salary. Of course since I mentioned it I should in all fairness get 10% of that. Anywho, lets take a peek inside Hell's and see what's crackalackin! (Sorry I've been watching Madagascar with my Mom)
As everyone is sitting around celebrating the fact that they made it to the final four, Cueball is busy telling us everyone elses faults. He says he knows every body's weaknesses. He says Ariel better buckle down, WhoopiG better get consistent and One Armed only has, well, one arm and there are things he can't do. In other words he's already decided he's won.
The next morning as everyone is waking up, One Armed is already up. Talking to himself in the mirror. Screw that I can talk to myself in bed. No need to get up and dressed and shit.
Downstairs they go and through the frosted doors we see an outline of someone walking back and forth and Ramsay bitching. Then the doors open and this little turd comes out.
This kid does a great Ramsay. They all think he's cute until he rips them a new one. He tells One Arm "Bloody hell, I don't know how you do it with one arm. If you were a horse I'd have shot you by now. He throws his hands in the air and asks, "Are you ready for today?" They mumble "yes chef." So he repeats himself LOUDER. Out comes Ramsay and he's smiling. WTF?
Everyone's all a giggle. Which means he's about to lay the hammer down. He starts with how there is no bigger pain than a vegetarian. But in fine dining you have to have a veggie nut menu. So today's task is.....to each make a stunning veggie dish. He's not finished. They will need 80 portions for customers arriving very shortly.
Cueball isn't worried about the volume. He cooks like this all the time. His dish is....
As One Armed is taking a pan of peppers off the stove he yells. Drops a pepper. Puts everything down and runs to the pantry. He doesn't want people to see him in a weak moment. Then stop picking shit up with your bad arm!
As the clock ticks down no one has 80 portions plated. Ramsay says he can't stop these guests from coming whether they are ready or not. And then I hear it. Helen Keller could have heard it. One of the most bone chilling, terrifying ass puckering noises known to all of mankind. You want to know why aliens won't land here and stick around for a visit? This is why.
Ramsay tells them that these are 80 of their toughest critics to date. Each chefabe will serve their lunches on a different colored plate. The mutants guests will vote for their favorite after tasting each one. And wiping boogers on everything in sight.
Whoopi almost shits herself and One Arm groans that he has no clue how to deal with kids. Join the club. As the little monsters munchkins file in waiting to be fed, they get louder and louder. Then they start screaming "We want food!". So? I want ear plugs.
Louder and louder they get. Whoopi tells us in the begining she's trying for presentation but before too long she's just slopping the shit on the plate like a lunch lady on the rag. Ramsay tells her kids could give a shit about presentation. That means he wants them fed and gone back to hell their parents or juvenile detention or where ever they came from.
Hahahaha One Arm tells us that the kids keep chanting we want food and he tells them he's got food...but you aren't going to like it. LOL I like him again. One Arm then comes running out with his polenta tower and calls it a "sandwhich" hoping to fool the little snot wads.
« DietTribe: The Cupcake and Margarita Diet | Main | GLEE: Men are better than women or at least teen boys suck less than girls. (Ummm...well ummm, actually...that could be debated. If you grew up in Greenwich Village, NYC then maybe no.) »
Comments (8)
Can't believe the season is almost over. I'm so gonna miss your HK recaps, Cherie...you are the best!!!
1 of 8 | Posted by southern_essence | Posted on October 13, 2009 12:15 PM
The Mini Gordon Ramsay is going to be making an apperance in the next F-word series which airs on the BBCAmerica channel.
He was actually requested by Gordon to appear on Hell's Kitchen and the F-word after he saw some ads that were made by a catering website featuring a child actor by the name of Felix Light.
www. littlegordon .com is the offical site.
Just remove the spaces.
2 of 8 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on October 13, 2009 12:26 PM
Thank you southern_essence. Yeschef, I really thought that kid had to be Gordon's! He looked just like him!
Thanks to all who have stuck with me this season. Having your elderly Mom live with you was a little harder than I expected. Then again I am so shy and niave. A dainty lil' creature really.
I love you all!
3 of 8 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 13, 2009 2:25 PM
AWE. SOME.
Loved the recap - and I will miss the show and your recaps when it ends tonight.
I'm saying Cueball will pull it off, but One Arm will come in second. They've both been consistent, but I think Cueball's been a little moreso.
One other thing - did anyone else notice the way Ariel kept macking on her dad at the end of last week's show? They barely showed her interacting with her mom, but every chance they had, they showed her and her dad kissing full on the mouth - it was starting to get a little gross. :)
4 of 8 | Posted by marksangel | Posted on October 13, 2009 2:32 PM
That was her fiance not her father.
5 of 8 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on October 13, 2009 2:49 PM
"However the number 1 dish with 55% of the vote is......OBAMA! Oh wait, wrong election."
Hahahaha. SO funny! But you've got to give credit to Whoopi for getting the kids' votes with eggplant. I hated that stuff when I was a kid. Actually, I'm still not all that crazy about it. I figured Cueball was finished when they said the diners were kids--that beet crap just isn't gonna fly with them. (BTW I love beets. Always have.)
Cherie, I can tell that Momma living with you is taking a toll on your sex life! Get a momsitter and go to a hotel, girl!
6 of 8 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on October 13, 2009 6:09 PM
Well Cueball did say fair enough when he was told he had the worst dish. He even acknowledged he hated beets as a kid.
7 of 8 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on October 13, 2009 9:52 PM
Cherie...another great recap! Although I love HK and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading your recaps, I hate waiting for them. Thank you for expalaining the delay. I understand what you are going through having your Mom around as I've kinda been through the same thing. Hang in there and it might not get easier, but you'll never regret it! And as always, it's a GREAT excuse for that extra glass or two of wine!
I will now wait patiently for the rest of your recaps...keep up the excellent writing...you're definitely worth the wait! :-)
8 of 8 | Posted by Marijai | Posted on October 15, 2009 3:14 PM