Everyone goes back to the house to get ready for their respective days, and this is when we find out about Ben's nasty habit. Apparently, not only does he chew tobacco, which is gross enough as it is, but he then spits it out into plastic bottles and leaves the bottles all over the house. Nasty! He must have learned this from Fatso the Redneck Boob! Why must Fatso live on?!
Christina runs outside to find Ben and says that since she doesn't leave tampons on the sink, he shouldn't leave his nasty spit in the kitchen where they eat. In a huff, Ben gets up to go throw away the poison loogy.
In the kitchen, Ben finds Rosann complaining about how the men don't clean their own dishes. She says that she's going to start putting their filth in their beds. So then Ben does a mediocre imitation of Rosie, yelling about the dishes. Whoa. I really wouldn't mess with Rosie. I bet she has an in with the mob. Someone's gonna get whacked. If Ben shows up missing in the next episode, I won't be surprised.
The ladies get into their limo and head to the pier, which looks like a blast. They ride the amusement park rides, hang out in the sun and play carnival games.
Meanwhile, the men are cranking out pasta in the kitchen. Now that Fatso's gone, Cringing Matt is taking his place for being the one that I hate the most. Because he talks about wanting the amusement park rides to malfunction so that the ladies' cellulite goes to their brains. Yeah because Matt is SUCH a skinny mini! I mean, when he turns sideways, I can barely even see him! Seriously, this man has no room to talk.
Then Ben makes the mistake of volunteering for a very special project. There is a weird petting zoo set up outside for the kids, and Ben's job is to clean up the horse manure. No lie. And there is a LOT of horse poop out there. And it's green and gross and baking in the sun. I can barely watch. Not because of the piles of horse turd but because I've had an innate fear of petting zoos ever since I was a toddler and a pack of goats tried to eat the shorts right off of my body. I'm not even joking. Those things are ferocious.
The women come back from their holiday, and it's minutes before Hell's Kitchen opens. Kids are outside working up an appetite riding the horses and having their faces painted. The women get panicky trying to learn the brand new menu, but Jen insists that it's not hard - just burgers and pasta. Word.
Gordon tells everyone that the first kitchen to complete the full dinner service is the winner. Then there's an awkward bit where Gordon wants Jean-Philippe to take off his tie but he can't because it's sewn onto his neck. J.P. isn't even a real person to me -- just a really odd caricature of an uptight British person.
In the Red Kitchen, Vanessa works extra hard on her appetizers to impress Chef Ramsay to redeem herself from last week's beef blunder. She does an excellent job and everything looks lovely. Chef is really impressed with the ladies' momentum.
The men aren't doing as well because Ben failed to serve up a crispy onion ring. And no one likes a limp onion!
45 minutes into the dinner service, J.P. brings back chicken to the blue kitchen because it is RAW! And it's all Cringing Matt's fault. The chicken is REALLY gross. It's not just pink. It's completely bloody. And it's for KIDS! For shame, Cringing Matt!
Matt brags saying that Chef yelled right into his face, but he didn't even blink. He says that he won't break because he's not there to break. Right, he's there to cook. But he's not doing that either. So what IS Matt there for? To make Chef throw up into a garbage can in front of everyone? Then mission accomplished.
« American Idol: You Must Hate Me, America | Main | Real Housewives of NYC: The Vajayjay Monologues »
Comments (16)
Pet peeve based comment:
You said: "I hate when people say stuff like that anyway. There is no such thing as 125%. It's 100%. That's the max."
That's not actually true. 10 is 200% of 5. 10 is 1000% percent of 1. It is mathematically incorrect to say that 100% is the maximum percentage.
1 of 16 | Posted by Alafoss | Posted on April 26, 2008 1:57 PM
Great recap.
I'm all about seeing Craig's stupid face leave the screen once and for all! This guy was a waste of time in the kitchen. Hell, I burn water and even I can make some spaghetti!! Guess it doesn't take much to join with Hell's Kitchen.
Matt is the next guy I wanna see gone. He looks like one of the weird silent cavemen guys from Popeye cartoons. I've always hated Popeye cartoons, and therefore I hate Matt. Plus, he sucks as a chef....and probably as a human being. But I digress...
Can't wait for Tuesday's episdode!! Maybe Toilet Brush (greatest nickname ever, btw) and Corey will change the rating on this show from TV-PG to TV-14!!
2 of 16 | Posted by jaded | Posted on April 26, 2008 2:49 PM
Great recap jaded.
I am with you: I cannot STAND Cringing Matt -- perfect nickname btw. Everytime I see his cringing face I, too, cringe. And let's not forget the temper tantrum fit he threw last week -- I've seen more mature 2 year olds.
In fact, even though Craig is a weasel, I would have much rather seen Matt get the boot. I think Matt is more detrimental to the team, although both suck ass, so there you go.
I don't understand why Ramsey so dislikes Ben -- I keep waiting to see clips of Ben doing truly heinous stuff, but I have yet to see it. It seems like Chef just doesn't like that dude.
Oh, and I understand what you're saying about 100% and it bugs me too. The previous poster's example doesn't really hold water in this case. If I have a pie, and I give it to you, you now have 100% of my pie. I cannot give you 125% of it. Well, the same holds true for effort. If I work to my maximum potential, that's 100% of my effort. Period. Now, I guess I can say I'll give 125% MORE effort than the other guy, but that's not what these yahoos said, is it?
Does anyone even like any of the people on this show? I guess I like Christina a little, but she cries too much. I like toilet brush a bit, but he has yet to really stand out (or up as far as I can tell *rimshot*).
3 of 16 | Posted by zbird | Posted on April 26, 2008 5:51 PM
OOOOOPS! I meant great recap MandaMo! LOL, my bad. Oh, but Jaded I'm sure you do a fine recap too.
4 of 16 | Posted by zbird | Posted on April 26, 2008 6:00 PM
Haha, thanks for the vote of confidence, zbird. I've never done a recap in my life...but I do laugh heartily at all the others.
5 of 16 | Posted by jaded | Posted on April 26, 2008 6:40 PM
Toilet brush seems gay to me too...i'm thinking that his kissing her hair is merely a friendly gesture from a gay to his hag.
Craig was a useless turd, so glad he's gone.
Matt always looks like he's about to cry. I often want to punch him just so he will cry and i don't have to see his almost gonna cry face anymore.
And OH MAH JEEBUS I HATE the narrator. Not only is he Captain Obvious about everything, but his "accent" or whatever it is KILLS me. This man does not say kitchen like a normal person. he says "kisshen" and totally slurs his "ch"'s and oooo it bothers me. It sounds like Mandy Moore's old accent that she's mercifully worked on. I don't know where she's originally from, but people from there: you have really weird annoying accents.
Sorry about the rant. But he sounds like he has a turkey neck and during every syllable he pulls his head back. Or like he's drinking water. I dunno.
6 of 16 | Posted by Pixiegal262 | Posted on April 26, 2008 11:20 PM
I also think the voiceover guy is annoying.
As bad as Craig was, Matt should have been booted for sending out the raw chicken wings. How tough is that?
I don't think Ben or Matt will be around long.
7 of 16 | Posted by belmont | Posted on April 26, 2008 11:50 PM
Alafoss, your comment was short-sighted and incorrect. It was abundantly clear that MandaMo is referring to effort and is correct that no more than 100% of something can be given. The only time a percent greater than 100% exists is in 3rd grade math class. Since a percent is the ratio of a part of a whole (multiplied by 100), it is not physically possible to hold more than 100% of something, just like it is not possible to give more than 100%. Just like MandaMo gets annoyed when people say they'll give more than 100%, I (a math teacher, in case you didn't figure that one out) get annoyed when people try to point out other people's mistakes and being inaccurate when doing so.
With that aside, I thought the Smurf (much prefered nickname over Toilet Brush) was a total player (straight though) with a small chip of last season's Josh with his whole "make love to the food" comment in the opening episode. Going with the theme of this post, I was 99.8% sure he was straight.
8 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:00 AM
Alafoss, your comment was short-sighted and incorrect. It was abundantly clear that MandaMo is referring to effort and is correct that no more than 100% of something can be given. The only time a percent greater than 100% exists is in 3rd grade math class. Since a percent is the ratio of a part of a whole (multiplied by 100), it is not physically possible to hold more than 100% of something, just like it is not possible to give more than 100%. Just like MandaMo gets annoyed when people say they'll give more than 100%, I (a math teacher, in case you didn't figure that one out) get annoyed when people try to point out other people's mistakes and being inaccurate when doing so.
With that aside, I thought the Smurf (much prefered nickname over Toilet Brush) was a total player (straight though) with a small chip of last season's Josh with his whole "make love to the food" comment in the opening episode. Going with the theme of this post, I was 99.8% sure he was straight.
9 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:01 AM
Alafoss, your comment was short-sighted and incorrect. It was abundantly clear that MandaMo is referring to effort and is correct that no more than 100% of something can be given. The only time a percent greater than 100% exists is in 3rd grade math class. Since a percent is the ratio of a part of a whole (multiplied by 100), it is not physically possible to hold more than 100% of something, just like it is not possible to give more than 100%. Just like MandaMo gets annoyed when people say they'll give more than 100%, I (a math teacher, in case you didn't figure that one out) get annoyed when people try to point out other people's mistakes and being inaccurate when doing so.
With that aside, I thought the Smurf (much prefered nickname over Toilet Brush) was a total player (straight though) with a small chip of last season's Josh with his whole "make love to the food" comment in the opening episode. Going with the theme of this post, I was 99.8% sure he was straight.
10 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:03 AM
Wow, sorry about the triple post! I was either that annoyed or my computer had a hiccup...
11 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:05 AM
"J.P. isn't even a real person to me -- just a really odd caricature of an uptight British person."
except that he's 100% French...
never mind!
Sterling recap!
I'm with you on the whole 100% thing. I was nearly swayed by alafoss' argument, but Anon Anon Anon put me straight straight straight. Nice to hear from an expert (seriously).
I am beyond caring about this crew. I really like Smurf, tho, and my gaydar didn't go off (not that there's anything wrong with that...)
I do love Rosann -- FUGEDAHBOUDIT!
Represent, honey!!
12 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on April 28, 2008 12:07 AM
I think Cringing Matt looks like David Berkowitz. Is it just me? He's the Son of Sam!
I think Hell's Kitchen is the only show to NOT care about keepin' it Green for Earth day... rolling in their Hummer limos....
13 of 16 | Posted by MargotTenenbaum | Posted on April 28, 2008 11:34 AM
Matt IS the Son of Sam! Wow, good call!
14 of 16 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on April 29, 2008 12:38 PM
I actually really like Ben. He might have been a moron for congratulating himself and his team, but I would say that not being able to cook chicken or pasta is WAY worse when this is, you know, a COOKING show. I mean, my brother can't cook to save his life, but even HE can make pasta.
On the girls' team, I like Vanessa. I hope her hand heals properly. I also like Jen - she reminds me of Julia from last season. Just a bit louder.
I constantly have to ask myself where they get these people. A chef who can't cook pasta? I mean, come ON - nobody in the world should have to go to culinary school to learn THAT - and Craig couldn't even do it. Seriously. WTF.
15 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 29, 2008 3:47 PM
For the record, Jean-Philippe Susilovic is neither British NOR French. He's Belgian.
16 of 16 | Posted by coolbyrne | Posted on May 2, 2008 11:36 AM