The Red Kitchen is sailing along and moving onto entrees, but then Shayna starts a fire! What the crap! Why is there a fire EVERY week! To make matters worse, Vanessa gets burnt by hot oil in a sauté pan. She meets some strange nurse person in all black in a closet who applies burn cream, and she starts crying. It looks pretty serious. And I can feel her pain because I once did the same thing with boiling lava hot microwavable hot fudge. I literally thought that I'd never walk again!
The burn cream doesn't work so Vanessa gets herded off to a van and taken to the hospital. Chef brings the ladies the bad news but warns them not to slack. Jen puts herself in super motivational speaker mode and keeps cracking the whip at the ladies.
Two hours into dinner service, the Red Kitchen has 12 tickets left while the Blue Kitchen has 10. Food starts flying out of both kitchens and it's delicious. But Matt, oh Matt. He cooks the burgers until they turn into hockey pucks. Chef throws them around and says they are like fast food burgers. First he undercooks the chicken and then he overcooks the burgers. This man knows nothing about balance, does he?
Matt stares around and moves like a turtle, clueless of what to do. Jen keeps the red team moving, pleasing Chef. The General actually does a good job. But Ben high fives him and gets into trouble for making jokes and not working. Toilet Brush starts freaking out because the girls are almost done with only two tickets left.
Craig is still messing up, making spaghetti with meatballs instead of spaghetti with clams. (p.s. Spaghetti with CLAMS?! What kid eats THAT!?) When he finally gets up the right dish, the pasta is raw and Rams throws a fit. Chef asks how long Craig will be for the correct order, and he won't even give an answer. I don't feel bad for him anymore like I did last week. He's annoying and sucks at this show.
The women make it through the entire dinner service and get sent over to help the men who are not happy to see them because they feel embarrassed. Chef sarcastically tells Ben to go pat people on the back now. Shayna is sent to help Craig who refuses to pay attention to her. And he still won't give Chef an answer on time. He drops dishes and is just a bumbling mess. Plus, he loses his temper worse than Rams does! Rosann accurately describes this with one sentence: "You got some attitude, son."
After dinner service, Chef congratulates the women and says that Jen is the one star who really stood out from the group. And she's the best cook of both kitchens. But he doesn't have such nice words for the men. He says their kitchen was like a horror film: "The Dinner Service Massacre." He says that Craig couldn't even cook pasta. And that is REALLY bad. Again, pasta is like college student foods. Think Easy Mac and Ramen Noodles. Those were my two major food groups back in the day.
Chef says that Ben surprised him. And Ben, thinking it was a compliment, says thank you. But Chef clarifies saying that he was surprised by how SHITTY Ben was. Wah-WAH! Silly Ben! You must forget that you are in Hell and Chef Ramsay is the dark prince! Craig snickers because he's glad that he's not the only one who sucks.. The best of the worst is The General because he made Chef feel safe in the kitchen because he was able to fix problems and be trustworthy.
Vanessa comes back to the house all bandaged, but she has to see a plastic surgeon in a few days. I never had to go to such extremes for my hot fudge incident. I just had a patch of skin die and turn brown for awhile.
Craig tells Ben that they are a team, so there is no one to blame. Craig then tells us that he knows he didn't do well but neither did Ben or Matt. So he's not going to chase after anyone asking not to be put up for elimination because he's not a pet dog.
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Comments (16)
Pet peeve based comment:
You said: "I hate when people say stuff like that anyway. There is no such thing as 125%. It's 100%. That's the max."
That's not actually true. 10 is 200% of 5. 10 is 1000% percent of 1. It is mathematically incorrect to say that 100% is the maximum percentage.
1 of 16 | Posted by Alafoss | Posted on April 26, 2008 1:57 PM
Great recap.
I'm all about seeing Craig's stupid face leave the screen once and for all! This guy was a waste of time in the kitchen. Hell, I burn water and even I can make some spaghetti!! Guess it doesn't take much to join with Hell's Kitchen.
Matt is the next guy I wanna see gone. He looks like one of the weird silent cavemen guys from Popeye cartoons. I've always hated Popeye cartoons, and therefore I hate Matt. Plus, he sucks as a chef....and probably as a human being. But I digress...
Can't wait for Tuesday's episdode!! Maybe Toilet Brush (greatest nickname ever, btw) and Corey will change the rating on this show from TV-PG to TV-14!!
2 of 16 | Posted by jaded | Posted on April 26, 2008 2:49 PM
Great recap jaded.
I am with you: I cannot STAND Cringing Matt -- perfect nickname btw. Everytime I see his cringing face I, too, cringe. And let's not forget the temper tantrum fit he threw last week -- I've seen more mature 2 year olds.
In fact, even though Craig is a weasel, I would have much rather seen Matt get the boot. I think Matt is more detrimental to the team, although both suck ass, so there you go.
I don't understand why Ramsey so dislikes Ben -- I keep waiting to see clips of Ben doing truly heinous stuff, but I have yet to see it. It seems like Chef just doesn't like that dude.
Oh, and I understand what you're saying about 100% and it bugs me too. The previous poster's example doesn't really hold water in this case. If I have a pie, and I give it to you, you now have 100% of my pie. I cannot give you 125% of it. Well, the same holds true for effort. If I work to my maximum potential, that's 100% of my effort. Period. Now, I guess I can say I'll give 125% MORE effort than the other guy, but that's not what these yahoos said, is it?
Does anyone even like any of the people on this show? I guess I like Christina a little, but she cries too much. I like toilet brush a bit, but he has yet to really stand out (or up as far as I can tell *rimshot*).
3 of 16 | Posted by zbird | Posted on April 26, 2008 5:51 PM
OOOOOPS! I meant great recap MandaMo! LOL, my bad. Oh, but Jaded I'm sure you do a fine recap too.
4 of 16 | Posted by zbird | Posted on April 26, 2008 6:00 PM
Haha, thanks for the vote of confidence, zbird. I've never done a recap in my life...but I do laugh heartily at all the others.
5 of 16 | Posted by jaded | Posted on April 26, 2008 6:40 PM
Toilet brush seems gay to me too...i'm thinking that his kissing her hair is merely a friendly gesture from a gay to his hag.
Craig was a useless turd, so glad he's gone.
Matt always looks like he's about to cry. I often want to punch him just so he will cry and i don't have to see his almost gonna cry face anymore.
And OH MAH JEEBUS I HATE the narrator. Not only is he Captain Obvious about everything, but his "accent" or whatever it is KILLS me. This man does not say kitchen like a normal person. he says "kisshen" and totally slurs his "ch"'s and oooo it bothers me. It sounds like Mandy Moore's old accent that she's mercifully worked on. I don't know where she's originally from, but people from there: you have really weird annoying accents.
Sorry about the rant. But he sounds like he has a turkey neck and during every syllable he pulls his head back. Or like he's drinking water. I dunno.
6 of 16 | Posted by Pixiegal262 | Posted on April 26, 2008 11:20 PM
I also think the voiceover guy is annoying.
As bad as Craig was, Matt should have been booted for sending out the raw chicken wings. How tough is that?
I don't think Ben or Matt will be around long.
7 of 16 | Posted by belmont | Posted on April 26, 2008 11:50 PM
Alafoss, your comment was short-sighted and incorrect. It was abundantly clear that MandaMo is referring to effort and is correct that no more than 100% of something can be given. The only time a percent greater than 100% exists is in 3rd grade math class. Since a percent is the ratio of a part of a whole (multiplied by 100), it is not physically possible to hold more than 100% of something, just like it is not possible to give more than 100%. Just like MandaMo gets annoyed when people say they'll give more than 100%, I (a math teacher, in case you didn't figure that one out) get annoyed when people try to point out other people's mistakes and being inaccurate when doing so.
With that aside, I thought the Smurf (much prefered nickname over Toilet Brush) was a total player (straight though) with a small chip of last season's Josh with his whole "make love to the food" comment in the opening episode. Going with the theme of this post, I was 99.8% sure he was straight.
8 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:00 AM
Alafoss, your comment was short-sighted and incorrect. It was abundantly clear that MandaMo is referring to effort and is correct that no more than 100% of something can be given. The only time a percent greater than 100% exists is in 3rd grade math class. Since a percent is the ratio of a part of a whole (multiplied by 100), it is not physically possible to hold more than 100% of something, just like it is not possible to give more than 100%. Just like MandaMo gets annoyed when people say they'll give more than 100%, I (a math teacher, in case you didn't figure that one out) get annoyed when people try to point out other people's mistakes and being inaccurate when doing so.
With that aside, I thought the Smurf (much prefered nickname over Toilet Brush) was a total player (straight though) with a small chip of last season's Josh with his whole "make love to the food" comment in the opening episode. Going with the theme of this post, I was 99.8% sure he was straight.
9 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:01 AM
Alafoss, your comment was short-sighted and incorrect. It was abundantly clear that MandaMo is referring to effort and is correct that no more than 100% of something can be given. The only time a percent greater than 100% exists is in 3rd grade math class. Since a percent is the ratio of a part of a whole (multiplied by 100), it is not physically possible to hold more than 100% of something, just like it is not possible to give more than 100%. Just like MandaMo gets annoyed when people say they'll give more than 100%, I (a math teacher, in case you didn't figure that one out) get annoyed when people try to point out other people's mistakes and being inaccurate when doing so.
With that aside, I thought the Smurf (much prefered nickname over Toilet Brush) was a total player (straight though) with a small chip of last season's Josh with his whole "make love to the food" comment in the opening episode. Going with the theme of this post, I was 99.8% sure he was straight.
10 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:03 AM
Wow, sorry about the triple post! I was either that annoyed or my computer had a hiccup...
11 of 16 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 27, 2008 5:05 AM
"J.P. isn't even a real person to me -- just a really odd caricature of an uptight British person."
except that he's 100% French...
never mind!
Sterling recap!
I'm with you on the whole 100% thing. I was nearly swayed by alafoss' argument, but Anon Anon Anon put me straight straight straight. Nice to hear from an expert (seriously).
I am beyond caring about this crew. I really like Smurf, tho, and my gaydar didn't go off (not that there's anything wrong with that...)
I do love Rosann -- FUGEDAHBOUDIT!
Represent, honey!!
12 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on April 28, 2008 12:07 AM
I think Cringing Matt looks like David Berkowitz. Is it just me? He's the Son of Sam!
I think Hell's Kitchen is the only show to NOT care about keepin' it Green for Earth day... rolling in their Hummer limos....
13 of 16 | Posted by MargotTenenbaum | Posted on April 28, 2008 11:34 AM
Matt IS the Son of Sam! Wow, good call!
14 of 16 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on April 29, 2008 12:38 PM
I actually really like Ben. He might have been a moron for congratulating himself and his team, but I would say that not being able to cook chicken or pasta is WAY worse when this is, you know, a COOKING show. I mean, my brother can't cook to save his life, but even HE can make pasta.
On the girls' team, I like Vanessa. I hope her hand heals properly. I also like Jen - she reminds me of Julia from last season. Just a bit louder.
I constantly have to ask myself where they get these people. A chef who can't cook pasta? I mean, come ON - nobody in the world should have to go to culinary school to learn THAT - and Craig couldn't even do it. Seriously. WTF.
15 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 29, 2008 3:47 PM
For the record, Jean-Philippe Susilovic is neither British NOR French. He's Belgian.
16 of 16 | Posted by coolbyrne | Posted on May 2, 2008 11:36 AM