This episode of Hell's Kitchen marked one of the happiest moments of my recapping career and perhaps even life. Because this week, Fatso falls on his ass -- both literally and figuratively. Yay! Christmas is saved! Now let's get on to this fabulous episode, shall we?
After the last elimination, the girls head back to the house, and Jen automatically starts flapping her gums, yelling about how no one is going to get rid of her that easy. She is so loud and obnoxious, and from everyone's comments, I know y'all agree, mmkay? She tells us that Corey put up one of the team's strongest and one of the most intelligent people for elimination, and you can't do that so early in the game. I wonder which one Jen thinks she is? Strong or intelligent? A strong talker, for sure. And a strong personality, mos' def. Christina has a different coping mechanism that involves less talk and more waterworks. Poor pointy-nosed little poop, I feel for her. I really do.
Corey gets high fives from the guys for her asshole move. Of course they want to egg her on! She's making it easier for them to win. She's trying to get rid of their best players WHILE causing tension in the group. As far as the men are concerned, Corey is the best player on their team.
Christina confronts Corey, and tells her she felt like she'd been thrown off the bus by her vindictive, hateful move. Doing nothing to preserve her time on the show, Corey proves her heartlessness by glazing over and not responding.
Outside - smoking, of course - the men discuss what just went down. Ben says that Corey played that move too early in the game. True. And Petrozza says she has evil tendencies. Also true. The General says that she took a risky gamble and lost. True again. The men are actually making sense to me right now. I'm worried for my brain.
The next morning, our culinary warriors are woken up by roosters crowing in the house. Over the P.A. system, Chef Yumsay tells everyone to find their chicken (by examining the tags on their necks) and head downstairs.
Everyone scrambles around trying to catch the chickens, and the General says that he's never caught a chicken in his life because he's a city slicker. Then I believe that he says that he'd have a better chance against a gang than a chicken. I think that's what he says at least. Wait. Am I missing something? Do these chickens have guns?
After they catch their respective chickens, Gordon meets the crew downstairs with a large cleaver. He says he wants them to spend the morning getting up close and personal with their products. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. I am cringing like Matt over here!
Gordon places a chicken on the chopping block and holds the cleaver as if he's about to whack it's head off. Meanwhile, Fatso is verbally abusing his chicken. He probably wants a rooster instead because men birds taste better. Corey says that she doesn't want to kill the chicken because she doesn't want blood all over her. Nice reason, Corey. I'm glad that the taking of life doesn't startle you at all. Just the annoying stains! Buy color-safe bleach, you'll be fine, bitch. The General is kinda endearing because he covers the eyes of his chicken! I am sure I'd be doing the same thing! Either that or curling up under the table in the fetal position. The only one who has a glimmer of preparedness in his eyes is Toilet Brush.
Then Gordon slams the cleaver down, missing the head of his chicken by a hair! "Not these chickens, ya donuts." Phew! Thank the lord! I really did NOT want to see that.
Chef explains that everyone takes the product for granted because it arrives every morning beautifully prepped, and they don't respect where it came from. The warriors put the chickens back in their cages and meet in the kitchen for a chicken chopping challenge!
Gordon pulls out a dead chicken and show everyone how to cut it up into eight pieces - two breasts, two legs, two thighs, two wings. Again, why do they need these demonstrations?! Shouldn't they have learned this stuff already in school? Seems pretty basic to me. I really want to know just how cheffy these people are! I mean, I already have a basic understanding of how a chicken is divided just from ordering at KFC. Now how they get the pieces extra crispey...mmm...that's the real secret...
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Comments (6)
hilarious recap! i laughed out loud through the whole thing :)
i was also very excited when fatty mcjerkface got kicked off. ugh, that man is going to die alone.
i'm rooting for louross. go smurf!
1 of 6 | Posted by lovepr | Posted on April 18, 2008 3:33 PM
I wouldn't trust any of these cooks to work the deep fryer at a McDonald's. I think this is the worst group of contestants in game show history. I've never seen Ramsey get this pissed off before. I can't remember him chewing out his chefs like he did in this episode.
2 of 6 | Posted by FreewayShark | Posted on April 18, 2008 5:33 PM
Freeway Shark, you took the words right outta my mouth! This group is sooo bottom of the barrel. What happened, FOX? Was there no one else to choose from?!?
Thank the powers that be that Fatty McNo-Girlfriend is gone. What's with all the woman bashing? Bitter much, Chubs? And WHY OH WHY would Corey think anyone was checking her body out. She almost looks like a dude.
I'm not sure who I'm routing for this year, a but too soon to tell. If I cheer anyone one, it'll be the lesser of all the other evils.
3 of 6 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on April 19, 2008 1:33 PM
Well, several of last year's cheftestants (I am using the term ironically, natch) were obvious freaks but I have to agree, this lot look and are completely and utterly incompetent at virtually everything they attempt.
As I mentioned to my guy, "Why are they all so ugly?" and "Why does that unattractive young woman with the prominent mole under her eye think that a giant metal stud in her lower lip in any way enhances her looks?!"
His reply: "The working people ARE ordinary looking. You are too used to zee beautiful people of LA."
And I had to agree as I'd been down to the DMV only the day before and had mingled with the great unwashed...
Team Toilet Brush! He's Hung 2.0!!
4 of 6 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on April 20, 2008 4:18 PM
Oh, and thank you for such a hilarious recap!
Your priceless "Fatso Falls On His Ass: A Comedy in Six Parts" montage confirmed something I thought I'd observed -- they digitally coloured in Corey's (evidently) see-through bikini bottoms!!
Compare and contrast the last two screen caps!
5 of 6 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on April 20, 2008 4:22 PM
I agree Jason was one of the worst people I have ever seen on TV. In all aspects. There was nothing positive about this guy. A chauvinist pig with no talent. So glad he's gone.
As for the contestants, I'm sure we'll find out later that the prize is for 1-year only and Ramsey will have other chefs running his restaurant in Los Angeles.
6 of 6 | Posted by belmont | Posted on April 24, 2008 10:04 AM