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The chefs have five minutes to break down a chicken carcass into eight parts that meet Chef Ramsay's standards. And then it happens. Fatso says something offensive. This week, he made it 7:26 minutes in before saying anything horrible. I guess that's an improvement. Let's give him a hand! To his face. In smack form.

Anyway, here's what it is: "We're gonna win cuz we're men. This ain't the dust and housekeepin' challenge here." Right. Thanks for reminding me of just why I hate you, Fatso. You're so thoughtful.

All the men start hassling Craig because he's slowly cutting up his chicken. Shayna is also having a little trouble, but the women are cheering her on a little more positively. Both finish at the very last instant.

Chef counts the ladies' pieces first. They all did pretty well with the occasional chewed-up hacking here and there. Fatso acts like the contest was a breeze because it's a chicken. Not some wild thing you've never seen before. And then he makes his famous smug face where it looks like he has a mouth full of chew.

Vanessa, Rosann, Corey and Christina turn in perfect performances. They end up with 44 out of 48 perfect pieces.

Fatso still says that they'll win because they're men and hunting and butchering meat is what they do. Of course Fatso can't walk the walk because his chicken pieces SUCK. He still ended up with six out of eight. But the two that weren't counted were totally gnarly. I mean, gristle dangling all over the place, bones missing -- a total chewed up mess. This man will never be able to live up to his hubris. And I mean, NEVER.

Petrozza and Ben have perfect scores but everyone else pretty much sucks. It all comes down to Craig who needs at least six perfect pieces for the men to stay in the competition. But he only has two out of eight. Chef Ramsay says that it shouldn't be that hard, especially for a chef who's been cooking for 13 years like Craig. Whoa! Craig's been cooking for 13 years!? Where!? Wendy's!? Seriously, that shocks me.

Because the men lost, they have to go put on silly work clothes - overalls, plaid shirts and straw hats - and go pick peppers in the blazing sun on a hundred acre farm. The women, however, will be visiting one of the most famous restaurants on the sunset strip.

The women get ready for the restaurant, and the men take out their frustrations on Craig. I understand that Craig did badly. But they all kinda did badly, right? Yeah, he did the worst, but by and large, they all sucked except for Ben and Petrozza.

Cringing Matt, who shares a room with Craig, throws the kind of fit that a three-year-old would envy. Only dumber. He kicks around his shoes and throws around his clothes in a crazy, angry, passive aggressive manner while Craig mopes just a few feet away. Matt says that he feels like watching Craig cut the chicken was like watching someone who just had shock treatments. Then he imitates someone shaking and cutting. Ugh. What a loser. Such a baby. The best part is that when he slam a shoe onto the floor, it bounces up and almost hits him. Watch out for that shoomerang, Matt! It's a doozy!

The men come outside in the farm outfits and think they are getting onto the nice Hell's Kitchen bus. But then the nice bus pulls away, revealing an old, run-down, falling apart blue school bus. In the words of Toilet Brush, it is "ganky" looking.

The women take the nice bus to the Saddle Ranch restaurant. And guess who is there riding the mechanical bull? Aaron! From Hell's Kitchen 3! Not even Gordon knew he'd be there, so he's as shocked as everyone else. But Aaron's cameo is brief. He gives a few hugs and trots off into the sunset. For anyone who may have amazingly forgotten Aaron, please note the picture below:

The men are out in the field, picking peppers, and Fatso talks in the third person saying, "Fatso does not do manual labor." He says he's chubby for two reasons: he likes to eat and he doesn't like to move around. Right. Maybe he should take a page from the Women's Handbook and do a little jazzercise now and then. Also, I must point out that "chubby" is quite the understatement, you raging fat face.

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Posted in Hell's Kitchen by MandaMo at 3:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: belmont on Apr 24, 2008 10:04 AM.