Hell's Kitchen: Whistle Britches Is NOT French.

Howdy there folks. Yeah yeah I know its been a little long for this recap. But since Hell's Kitchen didn't come on this week due to the giant Big Brother EXTRAVAGANZA, I figured I'd hold off and then it wouldn't seem so long in between Hell's episodes. Let's check in on our chefabes and get to the real reason this shit is so late.

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French, Belgian who the fuck cares?

Ok so AT&T sux ass. It's ok now though. A hideous looking dude came out and crawled under my house and with all three of his teeth I am pretty sure he said "Ma'am alls is got mussed by them thar ants and such and i'z about to reiware it y'all be all fixed it."
I think that means he had to rewire some shit. Either way I now have internet that doesn't cut out every 2 1/2 minutes and so for the last week I've been watching porn researching the next episode of Hell's Kitchen. Seriously I have forgotten over the last 3 months whats its like to have continuous internet. IT'S AMAZING Y'ALL! Ok on to the show!

Suzbland tries her best to convince everyone that she's really really there for the team. REALLY! No one believes. Even Jesus rolls his eyes. Don't ask how I know, I just do. Ramsay calls them all out to explain to them all that the very existence of food came from the French. Ok. I thought stench and "I surrender" came from there but hell, I only have a GED. As Ramsay says this he's looking at JP who for the 8th billion time explains that he is NOT French, he is Belgian. Like the waffle.

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Shall I French Fry your tiny penis you pompous over paid asshole?

If any of you have ever tried to do a recap when your internet becomes Sybill you will understand the tears rolling down my fat little face right now. So, last episode, the Red Team sucked ass, WhoopiG once again proved she's there because she's good and she nominated Suzbland, who by the way I wouldn't let make me a ham sandwhich and she nominated Sabrina but Chef I'm Starting To Wonder About His Sanity called TequilaGirl down too and booted her ass. OK so TQG is a little odd. But Suzbland can't warm water! UGH! Sheesh have I even posted one picture yet? I am so used to my internet crashing and me screaming and slamming the keyboard down. Oh I mean, the cat knocked that last keyboard off and that's why it broke and needed to be replaced. You know, in case the husband is reading this. WHAT?

Oh good grief. They start playing clown music and JP and Ramsay speak french to one another which tickles DingVanDong shitless. And he calls JP "Whistle Britches." I don't want to like it. But I cannot help myself. So from now on Whistle Britches it is.

Gordon explains to the chefabes that they are to make crepes. One breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert. Ramsay demonstrates and I've made crepes before but I didn't have a fancy lil stick I just roled the shit around to coat the pan. Not this dude. He's all fancy and shit and ends up with what basically looks like a hot pocket.

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Ok I'm supposed to do what with that stick there Frenchfrog?

Off they go with 20 minutes to make four separate crepes. Basically a nightmare of burned things, half slathered batter and just mostly nothing anyone would want to eat.

Ramsay it seems is judging these dolts on creativity, technique and attention to detail. Meanwhile Suzbland is sucking up to everyone she can find. Apron? Tongs? Happy Ending? No one is impressed. The Blue Kitchen looks like they have never made a crepe in their lives.

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I think they make an ointment for that.

The whole time they play creepy clown/circus music and finally time runs out and it's time to taste this mess. Up first is the breakfast crepe to be served to WhistleBritches and Ramsay by Ariel and VanWad.

Van is first....his is a breakfast crepe made with bacon,quail eggs, pepperjack cheese & fresh herbs.

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Looks a little pale to me.

Ramsay says it would have tasted good had the crepe not been all spongy. WhistleBritches just nods in agreement.

Up next is Ariel with he breakfast crepe of smoked salmon, herbs and honey.

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It looked good until she said what was inside.

Ramsay and WhistleBritches agree it's a hit. Score one for the Red Team.

Next up is lunch crepes served by WhoopiG and Corpseface.

WhoopiG's looks a mess and she tells them it's pepperjack, bacon and shrimp, with a black bean salsa.

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Whimpy bastards.

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Comments (12)

J-Mo:

"I think most people prefer their salads without belly button lint." Thanks, Cherie! Now I have a piece of tortilla chip stuck in my nasal cavity! Loved the recap, and I don't think that Flipit hates you, I think Fox Network just refuses to populate this show with talented chefs.

love, J-Mo :)

Snootchy Bootches:

I'm glad you mentioned that HK was off last week. Because I don't watch the show through normal means, I am sometimes not sure if the show was off that week or if it just isn't available where I am looking. *cough*

Suzanne is seriously annoying! Every time she comes on the screen, I get an eye twitch. Send that biatch home!

Thanks for a great recap, Cherie!

ps. French food is delicous!

njgasmifan:

"All of you, touch my meat! TOUCH IT" Gawd Cherie, I love you. This was a great recap.

It warmed my evil little heart to see Suz eff up so badly. I don't like the Mean Girls act the others put on, but I can't say that Suz doesn't deserve to be ostracized. She created the atmosphere by not being a team player, now no amount of suck up on her part will make them like her.

As for Corpseface, it was way past time for him to go. I know she won't win, but I hope Whoppi hangs around for comic relief - she has really grown on me. I hope the promos showing One Armed Wonder's accident were exagerated - I'd hate to see him go out for medical reasons. Looking forward to the 2 hour show!

Big hugs Cherie for a great job! xoox

WizeChiklet:

They made a mistake in this show. Pantomime is not the same as mime. Look it up on wikipedia!

Mime is silent, whereas Pantomime or 'Panto' is full of singing, jokes and interactive humour. It's a British theatre style based on a children's story, and is traditionally staged around Christmastime.

It's easy to get the two confused.

yeschef:

Yet it was someone trained to do it.

Wikipedia is not always correct.

The miriam webster dictionary gives this defination.

1 : pantomimist
2 a : an ancient Roman dramatic performance featuring a solo dancer and a narrative chorus b : any of various dramatic or dancing performances in which a story is told by expressive bodily or facial movements of the performers c : a British theatrical entertainment of the Christmas season based on a nursery tale and featuring topical songs, tableaux, and dances
3 a : conveyance of a story by bodily or facial movements especially in drama or dance b : the art or genre of conveying a story by bodily movements only

Wikipedia seems to think that only 2c is the only pantomime.

2b 3a 3b are ways that mimes are involved in pantomime

In fact one of the definations of mime is pantomime and refers to the third defination given above for pantomime.

So yeah the mime teacher was right they were doing pantomime.

The British have their own defination of pantomime that dates from the 18th century.

Here is the Columbia Encyclopedia's answer as to what pantomime is.

pantomime or mime (păn'təmīm) [Gr.,=all in mimic], silent form of the drama in which the story is developed by movement, gesture, facial expression, and stage properties. It is known to have existed among the Chinese, Persians, Hebrews, and Egyptians and has been observed in many other cultures. Pantomime was popular in ancient Rome, where it was often explained by songs or simple action. The traditional characters of pantomime take their origin in the Italian commedia dell'arte of the 16th cent. English pantomime, originated by John Rich, was more pageant than pantomime, and in 1818, when J. R. Planche began his extravaganzas with “speaking openings,” pantomime in England became a dramatic spectacle with songs and speeches. Joseph Grimaldi and Jean Gaspard Deburau were famous pantomime stars of the 19th cent. In silent pictures, Charlie Chaplin made his name as a great pantomime actor. Marcel Marceau has been the leading artist in France.

Marcel Marceau was a mime.

Cherie:

That's all very edumacational. However Cherie did not hear a single word of praise for her hard work. So guess what I'm pantomiming to both of you right now. ;)

WizeChiklet:

Cherie dear, we're READING your hard work!!! .. it may not always be directly verbalized, but we're HERE, so be happy!
:-)

Cherie:

LOL I was trying do what Ramsay would do. Besides, didn't you know it's impossible for recappers to be happy? We're riddled with anxiety and phobias..at least until the meds kick in.

I love you all and THANK YOU for reading.

Smoochies!

NotWithoutMyTV:

yeschef,

Shit like the subtle differences between mime and pantomime often keep me up at night. Sometimes I can Alex Trebeck and we talk about them. Then he invites me over and we do a few lines of coke off some stripper's tits.

Hey, you should give the mime vs. pantomime explanation if you're ever on Jeapordy! Alex: "Let's meet tonight's contestants. Tim here collects samples of his own bodily secretions, INCLUDING sputum samples from when he had swine flu. Brave man, Tim! Next up, Judy maintains a collection of Cheez Doodles resembling the Catholic saints. I bet that St. Thomas was QUITE A FIND, eh Judy? Finally, meet yeschef, who enjoys explaining the difference between pantomime and mime on TV recap comment boards. Yeschef, could you do "Man pulling a rope" for me? LOVE that one!"

Nora:

Am I the only person who cannot stand Tenille's voice? Why does she ALWAYS SCREAM?

WizeChiklet:

Tenille might possibly have a hearing impairment, however slight. She seems to miss stuff unless it's loud.

K_Lo:

Dearest Cherie,
Thank you for adding two new phrases to my world.
"Vein explosion" and "I'd rather kiss a skunk's ass."
My boss also thanks you for livening up our discussions regarding my work duties.
You're the best!

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