This week on Hell's Kitchen......There's a shucking good time to be had by all, except for Chef Ramsey.
I'm a liar, because before we get started on this week's episode, I want to send out a big thank you to all of you that helped me with my Seth issue last week. The suggestions that you all came up with were awesome, and had me shouting "Yes!!" saying "Hmm." And in some cases, going
And NOW, the continuation of Hell's Kitchen.......
We continue as we usually do, with the contestants heading off to go upstairs and rehash the evening's events. Seth tells his team: "Sorry boys, but you're stuck with me." With a little shit eating grin on his face. What a douche.
Then J pops up onto my TV to tell me that J's upset to have to spend another day with Seth, which, no. Please don't talk about yourself in the third person. PottyMouth no likey. He goes on to say that Seth is a waste of life, and that he doesn't have the skills, heart or desire to make it in this competition. Mighty big talk from a food court chef. How much skill DOES it take to toss a salad anyway?
EeeeeW, nooooo. I didn't mean THAT. You are so guh-ross.
Meanwhile, Coi is apologizing to PrettyGirl for going off on her, even though it was TOTALLY deserved. PrettyGirl whines about her lack of experience, and Coi calls her out on giving up on the team. I'm sure she's totally learned her lesson and will NEVER do that again, right?
LA chimes in to tell PrettyGirl you have to have confidence in yourself, if you want your team to have confidence in you. It's like hearing my mom lecture me. Um, that is, if my mom was a semi-attractive lesbian line cook. Shut up, mom.
PrettyGirl doesn't know if she's the weakest link at this point. But she doesn't want to go home.
It's 2:53 am and all the little cheffies are snuggling up in their beds to go nighty night. C&A tells us everyone is looking forward to a good night's sleep. But, since we have seen previous seasons of this show, we all know, that ain't gonna happen.
5:49 am - C&A: "But Hell's Kitchen marches to the beat of a different drummer." Sooo punny when you actually have DRUMMERS to wake up the contestants. Oh, you are so witty, C&A. Of course, Scott and Gloria are there to yell at them also.
The gang is ultra thrilled to have gotten so much sleep. LA says she actually didn't even see a band; she heard the "ting ting" (WTF?!?) of the drummers, but how many fucking people were there?
Gloria yells at Robert: "Can you run?" His answer? "No way. If you don't want me to trip and fall on ya and squish ya." Bwaa ha ha ha.
Out in the parking lot are piles of red and blue garbage bags. Inside the bags? All the waste from last night. Ramsey chastises them, telling them he had expected so much more from them, but they disappointed him. Chef, I'm pretty sure I told you last week that you should get used to disappointment. No one listens to me!
Normally he would make them sort through the trash, but they don't have time. Thank God. I don't think my stomach could handle that right now. As I breathe a sigh of relief, I get a glimpse of this:
Ramsey tells them that they just received two crates of fresh scallops. Each team will have to get their scallops out of the crates and into their buckets. This is supposed to teach them about respecting the product. He doesn't want to see even one OUNCE of waste.
Does anyone work at a high end seafood restaurant? Do scallops really arrive in crates full of water and seaweed? Inquiring minds want to know.
And off they go.
Ben would rather dig through garbage. Apparently the scallops smell really putrid. Ramsey appears to agree. Either that, or Robert cut a big one. Ramsey warns them not to fall in. Cue Colon diving right into the ladies' crate.
Colon, swim on your own time. Now get those scallops into the kitchen!!
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Comments (19)
Ramsey is probably constantly ridiculing Colon's pretend chef school because he's seen her website (www.theclassygourmet.com)(PS:when you have to tell someone your'e classy, you're not.) The "recipes" are hysterical! Roasted vegetables: cut vegetables, coat in oil, bake. ($300!) Orange-soy-fish: cook fish, pour orange juice and soy sauce over it. serve. ($300!) Pesto Pinwheels: buy premade pastry dough. Put premade pesto on them. roll it, up, bake, serve. ($300!) I expect more complex and thoughtful recipes from the lables of my Campbell's soup cans!
1 of 19 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on February 8, 2009 8:58 AM
Seriously! Pretty Girl hasn't been present for one single prep session. Convenient that she has her confidence crisis everytime massively boring and tedious work needs to be done in the kitchen. How the other contestants have not slit her throat while she's sleeping is beyond me. I can't stand this bitch! Get her out!
2 of 19 | Posted by BugMom22 | Posted on February 8, 2009 12:58 PM
I just reread the comments from last week and whoever said Seth looks like Bill Paxton was spot on... Seth looks just like BP as Chet in Weird Science!!
Anyway, great recap! :)
3 of 19 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on February 8, 2009 2:58 PM
here4beer! That was me! I LOVE being told I'm right! (it happens so rarely...)
Ramsey surely knows what slacker "Pretty Girl" is...UGH! Why is she gettin gaway with it?
4 of 19 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on February 8, 2009 6:49 PM
It was so classy of Gordon to let Ji keep the jacket. Ji deserves it though. What she did was so noble and I hope that they would bring her back to the show. I found that she has a web site, chefji.com with photos and you can email and even vote as to whether to have her back to the show.
5 of 19 | Posted by janicepink | Posted on February 9, 2009 1:39 AM
Ji will be back when the 2 remaining chefs get to pick their teams.
I hate Prettyface. Fatty FTW!
6 of 19 | Posted by Firthguy | Posted on February 9, 2009 5:13 AM
PottyMouth, It seems like that whole challenge tie business started last season. It got to be a joke at my house because one week it was the girls by one point, the next week it would be the boys by one point and back and forth like that.
I felt sorry for Colon cause, yeah sure she is robbing people at her cooking school but at least she didn't NAP for 6 HOURS! I'm with PottyMouth, what didn't they call Pretty Girl out on that!? We have this chant now at home where we pump our fist during the show and shout "KICK HER OUT" "KICK HER OUT" when
she comes on.
7 of 19 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on February 9, 2009 6:42 AM
Ok, ok, this may not be a popular sentiment but I though the whole Ji thing with her wheelchair was SO melodramatic!! She didn't break her freakin' ankle, it's a sprain. I know it hurt and it sucks that she can't be on HK anymore but really a wheelchair? Get rid of Pretty-Girl she is such a waste of air. I, too, can't believe that none of the girls mentioned how Pretty did like NO prep what-so-ever.
8 of 19 | Posted by Yanksfan24 | Posted on February 9, 2009 7:33 AM
I hope Pretty Girl's fiance was paying attention. Welcome to the rest of your life in hell with this pathetic child.
When JP asked Robert if he was sweating, and Robert said "yes, I'm 400 lbs" JP gave the most adorable squeak and walked away. LMAO at that.
Lagitha, thanks for the link to Colon's website. Oh my do we have delusions... a 6 year old could make some of these recipes. Hope she and PG are gone soon, otherwise I will be throwing things at the TV...
9 of 19 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on February 9, 2009 10:45 AM
"didn't break her freakin' ankle, it's a sprain. I know it hurt and it sucks that she can't be on HK anymore but really a wheelchair?"
She had to stand for quite a while and that is quite painfull. Did you not notice how swollen the ankle was? Sorry but a wheelchair would be recommened to not put more pressure on the injury till she got treatment.
10 of 19 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on February 9, 2009 10:46 AM
Honestly, the first thing I thought when they mentioned a helicopter ride was, "they're gonna let Robert's fat ass on a helicopter?" I feel bad for thinking it but I was right. No way in hell they are gonna let someone 400-plus pounds on a helicopter.
I felt so sorry for Ji. She was awesome blossom and now I hate everyone except for Coi.
Does anyone else think Coi is really pretty? She should model, if she doesn't already. She certainly looks tall enough for it.
11 of 19 | Posted by pixiegal262 | Posted on February 9, 2009 7:40 PM
"Or her fiancé. Whaaaaaaa?????? Someone is going to marry this whiny biatch?"
That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!
12 of 19 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 9, 2009 11:18 PM
"Seriously, y'all, she is making me tear up here."
Ya know - I also got a bit misty, esp when Chef let Ji keep her jacket. But he didn't have to get all up in her face when he was trying to be nice, did he?
I really liked Ji but I did find some of her confessionals to be rather fake. I guess they told her to turn on the waterworks or denied her painkillers or something.
I'd forgotten you call that lazy whiny chick PrettyGirl bc she is kinda pretty (for a fattie). But is that from the first episode? Did she say something along those lines about herself?? It's too long ago to remember...
OH - re Dakota Fanning - maybe she's getting an award for appearing in the Secret Life of Bees alongside a bunch of lovely and talented black women?
13 of 19 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 9, 2009 11:35 PM
Thank you everyone for reading and posting your comments - I love reading what you guys think. Especially when you agree with me :)
Lagitha: Colon's website? Priceless. I guess if you include the word classy in your business name, you can hike up your prices while presenting recipes found on a pillsbury dough can.
BugMom22: We are on the same wavelength!
here4beer & cattyfan: I wasn't getting the whole Seth=Bill Paxton thing at first, but then it grew on me. I think I didn’t want it to be true because I love Bill Paxton – Near Dark, anyone?
Janicepink: Thanks for the heads up about Ji’s website. I’d like to see her come back either this season or another one.
Firthguy: Yay fattie!!!!! I’m with ya one that one!
LisaMay: It's a joke in my house, too. I don’t buy that the challenges can be that close every time. It seems sooo unlikely.
Yanksfan24 & yeschef: I was initially thinking the same thing, but I would think standing on an injured foot through service could make any injury hurt a hell of a lot more. I agree that they probably recommended her using the wheelchair to prevent further injury.
Njgasmifan: I love JP. His reactions are always priceless! That squeak was too cute.
Pixiegal262: It’s so funny because my brain didn’t go there and then I was like, duuuuuurrrrrr.
DMG: Can I call you DMG? :) Chef Ramsey is definitely a close talker – I hope he popped a breath mint in before talking to Ji. Last week is too long ago? You crack me up. Yeah, PrettyGirl got her name because of the comment she made about people thinking she’s just a pretty girl trying to be a cook. I do agree with you that she actually does have a somewhat pretty face, but her comment? Had me rolling on the floor. Because, no. I still don’t get the Dakota Fanning nomination. I guess I’m finding it a little sad that in an entire year of film, there are only four non-white leading ladies to nominate. It’s nothing against Dakota herself, I think she’s an incredibly talented young lady.
Thanks again for reading and posting your comments – keep them coming.
SWAK, PottyMouth
14 of 19 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on February 10, 2009 6:14 AM
If someone comes in SIX hours late the other chefs should immediately stab them and toss the useless body in the freezer.
15 of 19 | Posted by Snortles | Posted on February 10, 2009 7:38 AM
Furthermore, what is up every season with the crappy risotto cookers? Ramsey is all about the risotto. If you can't make a decent risotto you should know Ramsey is going to eat your face.
PS: I think prettygirl is hideous looking. Danny wearing lipstick would make a better looking woman.
16 of 19 | Posted by Snortles | Posted on February 10, 2009 8:05 AM
The reasonable only way Chef Ji could come back as is one of the helpers at the finale.
"If you can't make a decent risotto you should know Ramsey is going to eat your face."
It's like a desert recipe on Top Chef and fire on Survivor.
One should read Colon's interview. It's on her website last I looked. Talk about delusional.
Chef Ji btw is close friends with Toilet Brush aka Lou Ross from Season 4.
17 of 19 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on February 10, 2009 10:18 AM
Potty Mouth!!!! You almost made me piss myself. I love that in your "A Chorus Line" Photoshop you made Pretty-Girl, Val. Better known as the "Tits & Ass" character. I have a feeling Pretty Girl's song would be "Dance: 2, Looks: 3".
18 of 19 | Posted by Reesewitherspoon | Posted on February 10, 2009 11:29 PM
PottyMouth! What a delightful show, and a chuckles-filled recap! I loved it, and this show is SO nutzoid! I've always thought it was kind of like the poor peoples's Top Chef only they don't seem to really get top chefs on here, do they?
Poor fatboy... that was pretty rude of them to make him take the extended ferry ride. And please, it's not as if he couldn't ever set foot in a helicopter, that comes off as a tad chubb-o-phobic on their parts... he just might have had to displace two other people. I guess Fox didn't have enough budget for two helicopters. Boo!
I'm waiting for a knife-fight in the kitchen.
Great job PM, you meka me laugh lots!
love, J-Mo :)
19 of 19 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on February 11, 2009 9:54 AM