Last week's episode of Hell's Kitchen was certainly one for the archives as we watched a "professional chef" (Craig) flub up spaghetti! And I thought that pasta was impossible -- or imPASTAble -- to mess up. Each week, we continue to reach new lows.
After Craig's elimination, all the men sit around smoking and discuss what happened. Ben is totally in denial of his suckage and says that he doesn't understand what he did wrong. And Vanessa is still worried that her big cotton candy hand will interfere with her performance in the kitchen.
Ben and The General then lie in bed and have one of those special late night conversations that roommates have before they drift off to sleep. Ben says that he's letting Gordon get to him too much, and he seems to have a few plies of toilet paper on his stomach. The General says it's harder than boot camp, but just make it one day at a time. Then Petrozza comes in and says, "Does anyone want a cookie?" And the special roommate time is officially interrupted.
The next morning, all hands are on deck. All but one that is. Vanessa's gimp hand is certainly not on deck. It is but a shriveled prune of itself. She can't use her hand at all or even get it wet. So much for showering! Luckily, Shayna is kind enough to braid her unshowered hair for her. Vanessa says that she feels like a jackass. And with those sad, puppy eyes, she looks like one too. Seriously, Vanessa, shake it off.
The chefs line up in the dining room to meet Gordo, and he tells them that an excellent chef has to have the ability to take something ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary. And this extraordinary item will of course be accompanied by an extraordinary price! And with that he unveils his famous white truffle pizza, which looks like it's covered in cross-sections of brain.
Gords says that one white truffle pizza is the value of THIS! And then the doors dramatically fly open, and four pizza delivery men enter carrying arm loads of cheap pizzas. Apparently, his pizza is $200. Wow. At that price, I'll just assume that it's plated in gold and comes with a tv.
This week's challenge, each team will present their very own specialty pizza. They have over 130 ingredients to choose from. According to The General, the table of ingredients has everything! Even "sea merchins!" Sea merchins, of course, are the scientific hybrid of merchants and urchins. In other words, very sophisticated sea life that want to sell you things! And now they even come as a pizza topping! Ah the wonders of science!
The women decide to all come up with their own individual idea and then share ideas and take notes. The men's style of communication...is a little different.
Okay, Gasmii! Now I'm messed up! And I just have to interrupt this regularly scheduled recap to explain why. I had never really paid attention to the announcer of this show before you all started talking about it last week, and now I can barely think! He's driving me CRAZY!. I was always quietly aware of his background presence before, and sometimes his little puns annoyed me. But it wasn't until you all pointed it out that it really started to get my goat. This man is ANNOYING! He DOES talk weird! He DOES pronounce the word "kitchen" to sound all MOOSHY! And he constantly states the OBVIOUS! AAAAA!!!!!!! Okay. Moving on.
Matt asks questions and no one really responds, so he gets mad and cringes. He then says that's why they lose. Because no one communicates! No, you guys lose because you give bloody chicken to kids. Get it straight. That was sick last week, Matt!
Cringing Matt gets on my nerves more and more each week. And just when I was trying to think of a very specific word to characterize him, Petrozza took my thoughts right out of my head. "Matt's a ding-a-ling." Well, said, Rat Man. I couldn't have said it any better myself.
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Comments (18)
I had forgotten about the sea merchins. Thanks for the reminder. (Given the rarity of the unusual species, imagine how much they would drive up a pizza price.)
I'm amazed at how many of these would-be chefs smoke. No wonder their taste buds are so dead they don't see the troubling aspects of serving raw chicken and burned beef.
1 of 18 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 2, 2008 3:02 PM
That pizza with the truffles that Gordon sells for $200 looks so heinous! They'd have to pay me to eat that disaster. Although, I don't even know what a white truffle is, let alone have ever tasted one so maybe I'm wrong....
I totally agree about Announcer Guy....so annoying!I hate how he repeats everything in case we didn't get it the first or fifth time..
I was hoping Matt would get the boot so we wouldn't have to see his cringing freak face anymore, but I had a feeling he wouldn't send anyone home because that other chick quit.
I still think this is the worst group ever and I can't see Gordon picking any of them to clean dishes in his restaurant let alone be Head Chef!! Great recap!
2 of 18 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on May 2, 2008 4:02 PM
I didn't realize how much Matt cringed until you posted all those 'caps. Gawd. That is one creepy, cringy bastard.
On the flip side, JP is super cute, especially coming out of that clown car with the aplomb he did. Unflappable.
3 of 18 | Posted by coolbyrne | Posted on May 2, 2008 4:28 PM
Again, great recap.
I missed the first half of this week's ep, and now I'm sorry that I did! I would've loved to see these so-called "chefs" putz around and try to make a pizza. A pizza. A friggin easy pizza. Geez...
On a side note, I'm hoping Matt goes home next week. I'm sick of seeing his cartoon cringes and his weak cooking. I think an armless blind man would have a better shot at winning the competition against this clown.
I'm betting the newcoming to the kitchen is Julia!! Remember last season when she was eliminated and RamJam said he wanted her back next season to win it all? It could very possibly be her. I hope so; Julia rocked!!
4 of 18 | Posted by jaded | Posted on May 2, 2008 4:45 PM
Great recap and Matt sucks horribly. I mean it was just two minutes into the episode and I couldn't stand him.
I do think Julia from last season is the won who comes back. Chef Rasmey really wanted her to come back next season. She might have some competition in Jen though.
5 of 18 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on May 2, 2008 11:47 PM
Thank god you addressed his annoying mooshy accent, I thought perhaps I was crazy.
I loves me some JP, clown car and all.
Did anyone notice how Matt only delivered like, 2 pizzas? What happened after that and why wasn't it really that big of a deal? That seemed mysterious to me.
6 of 18 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on May 3, 2008 1:05 AM
MandaMo, I laughed harder and harder with each subsequent cringing Matt pic. Thanks!
I think the reason the pizza delivery thing was glossed over was that you obviously can't drive a golf cart on real roads, but they are used on production lots, which is where they obviously tape HK. I think the "family" that got the pizza delivered was a group of extras in a "house" on the same production lot.
I agree that this is the worst group ever and can't imagine any of them actually working in one of the Ram's kitchens, much less running one. I think perhaps they pay them the salary promised and give them a desk job in his restaurant, or just kick their ass out entirely. This is NOT a show in which to discover your next top chef -- and probably not even your next top dishwasher.
7 of 18 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on May 3, 2008 4:38 AM
this was the first time i saw the show this season and i laughed my ass off when i heard "sea merchins" thank god u remembered to mention it in your recap.. i was really looking forward to it lol
also .. like xqz i was highly amused by the collection of matt pics.. priceless
8 of 18 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on May 3, 2008 2:17 PM
Loved the recap.
Even though it was lame that no one went home, I love that Gordon just vetos stupid nominations and questions the ridiculous. Quite honest, I must say. He is reality TV gold.
9 of 18 | Posted by FuriousFlipper | Posted on May 3, 2008 7:05 PM
"Not only does he have to wear a dorky hat and apron, but he totally can't seem to reign in the beast that is the miniature delivery van."
LMAO, that was one of the best lines of your recap. Keep up the great work!
10 of 18 | Posted by krissiemoon | Posted on May 3, 2008 7:32 PM
I really would like to punch Matt in the face, just to see if his expression changes.
Also, because I hate him.
I hope it's Julia that comes back - she rocks and she can at least cook. I also like Jen - she's a bit cocky, but at least she can back that up.
11 of 18 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 3, 2008 10:44 PM
Arrrggghh! I cannot stand Matt's face, and I agree w/Georgiababe on punching him in the face. Actually, every time I see him I just want to flick his forehead. But not with my own hand, because that would be gross. Cannot stand the guy.
Your recap was once again a riot though. And now I have a way to express my disdain for oysters ala MandaMo: "Their whole life consists of sitting in a shell and stewing in their own filth and maybe occasionally farting out a pearl. Not exactly the most appetizing critter on the planet." Perfect description!
I like the idea that it might be Julia coming back. At least they'd have some talent in that kitchen. These tools are useless and there's no WAY Gordo would have one of them run a kitchen. Unless he's into self-sabotage (or an insurance scam -- 'cause you know any of these fools is more likely to burn down the house than to bring down the house with their cooking).
12 of 18 | Posted by zbird | Posted on May 4, 2008 9:39 AM
This recap was hilarious....i loved it and i kept laughing out loud throughout...Sea merchins...lol that was funny and oh goodnesss i can't stand Matt either his faces make me laugh though...lol he's such a "ding-a-ling" haha...Once again Great Recap!
13 of 18 | Posted by missymiss | Posted on May 5, 2008 11:49 AM
Is it me or am I crazy? Does fugly Matt look like David Gest without all the botox? It's creeping me out!
14 of 18 | Posted by kalisnick | Posted on May 7, 2008 10:30 AM
Can't wait for the review of the May 6 episode. New lows reached across the board.
15 of 18 | Posted by belmont | Posted on May 7, 2008 12:16 PM
"maybe occasionally farting out a pearl"...
I am so glad I wasn't drinking when I read that *bon mot*, MandaMo, bc I totally snorted. I hate oysters, too.
Vein of poo -- yeah, ewww!
Sea Merchins -- fucking hilarious. Yeah, you're gonna go far as a chef.
doofus.
16 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 8, 2008 2:39 PM
That whole tea-towel on the head episode was interesting. The guy was upset. That's allowed, right?
But no, all the other guys (mainly the pizza delivery dude) were giving him shit for being a crybaby.
I am rooting for ToiletBrush/Smurf/Hung 2.0. I don't think he's a baby -- he's tough! Remember when he went upstairs and kicked fattie's arse (who was trying to memorise the dessert menu) and told him to get a move on?
Virtually every time they cut to Hung2.0, he's expertly chopping something. The guy mibght have a toilet brush for hair, but he can COOK!
I even think he might win.
Worst. Crew. EVER.
17 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 8, 2008 2:50 PM
Is there going to be a re-cap for last week's episode? The new one is on tomorrow for pete's sake.
18 of 18 | Posted by e777 | Posted on May 12, 2008 5:59 AM