In honor of this week's fallen culinary warrior on Hell's Kitchen, I took it upon myself to do a little research about that loveable American doll that we call the Barbie. Fun Fact #1: Her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. Do they actually make people named "Millicent" anymore? Sounds like a fat girl name.
After last week's elimination, the crew of deflated wanna-be-chefs goes back to the house to smoke some more; thus officially becoming the official poster children for lung cancer. By the end of this season, I'm pulling for at least three tracheostomies.
They all wax reflective on Milton's premature departure, as well as their own terrible performances. The General says that he's done being laid back and will take a more aggressive approach from now on. Fatso says that he didn't realize what he was getting into and didn't expect to be yelled at every three minutes. Apparently, he's never seen Gordon Ramsay before and thought he was auditioning for some show hosted by Emerill. Then he adds that he doesn't lose to girls. Wow, Fatso. We almost made it three whole minutes into the show without your being totally offensive. Let's shoot for five minutes into the show next week and see if we can't keep improving.
After the dinner service, the chefs are allowed to sleep in until approximately 5:43 a.m. when Gloria and Scott jolt everyone awake with bullhorns. Everyone jumps to their feet except for Fatso who sits around in his underwear and keeps smearing his hand across his face. Gross. If I NEVER have to see this man in his underwear again, it will be too soon.
Our bleery-eyed, pajama-clad warriors meet Gordon outside. He tells them that they wasted so much food last night, that any normal restaurant would have gone out of business. A garbage truck pulls up, and there are two cylinders in the parking lot - a red one and a blue one. Gordon tells them to sort through all the garbage, find all the wasted food and put it back into the cylinder. The garbage bags are color-coded red and blue to differentiate which kitchen they are from.
Jen tells us that it's gross that people are barefoot, and there are buttcracks showing. She actually dry heaves on camera. And there are a lot of scallops in there, thanks to Milton. For once, she has a valid point. It's pretty disgusting; I'm not gonna lie. I understand the lesson, but it's so nasty. Especially because some people aren't even wearing shoes and most people are still in their pj's. This is a job that requires fishing waders, rubber gloves, a vat of hand-sanitizer and maybe even a gas mask.
As Barbie delicately sorts through the garbage, Gordon tells her not to smudge her make-up. I know that she wears a lot of make-up, but I don't think it's that bad. She doesn't have on so much that she looks like she's about to tip over face first or anything. I mean, I certainly don't wear that much make-up to work, but if I were on national television, I might. So I give her a pass on that. The lack of brains, though, no free passes will be given out there.
After the neatfun trash removal activity, the crew goes to shower and meets Gordon back in the kitchen. He says now that they've learned how to waste produce, he's going to show them how to maximize it. Then he pulls out an enormous halibut.
The Rams sharpens his knife and shows how to properly prepare the halibut. He filets the fish and cuts it into 53 perfect six-ounce portions. It's funny too because he pronounces the "T" on the end of the word "filet." There will be no silent letters in Hell's Kitchen! The fact that Gordon has to give a demonstration on how to fileT a fish before assigning the challenge just goes to show that these people never actually went to culinary school as they'd have us to believe.
For this morning's challenge, each team will have its own halibut to prepare. The team with the most perfect six-ounce portions will win. Scott and Gloria bring out the fish and flop them down in front of each team. They land with a smack on the tables. I haven't seen that much dead weight since the last time I looked at Fatso.
« That's Amore!: Acquaro Ho-Down | | Real Housewives of NYC: The Best Episode Ever »
Comments (14)
Is everyone on this show (besides Gordon of course) butt-ass ugly or is it just me? I can barely stand to look at any of them; but Fatso looks like an even fatter version of my ex-husband so I despised him on sight.
1 of 14 | Posted by blueaspic | Posted on April 11, 2008 6:06 PM
i'm so glad sharon will not be on my tv anymore. not only was she stupid but her make-up was fuckin horrible! did she mean to make it look like she's perpetually hung-over?
2 of 14 | Posted by Niecy | Posted on April 11, 2008 9:39 PM
Just as an aside, if you enjoy this show you should check out "Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares" on BBC. It's less "Americanized" (i.e. he doesn't yell and curse every 30 seconds) and really shows what he knows as he helps turn around struggling restaurants. My wife and I enjoy him on that show far more than this one. Don't get me wrong, he's still firey and will put someone in their place by telling them the truth, but he's much more enjoyable to watch.
3 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 12, 2008 10:46 AM
Just as an aside, if you enjoy this show you should check out "Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares" on BBC. It's less "Americanized" (i.e. he doesn't yell and curse every 30 seconds) and really shows what he knows as he helps turn around struggling restaurants. My wife and I enjoy him on that show far more than this one. Don't get me wrong, he's still firey and will put someone in their place by telling them the truth, but he's much more enjoyable to watch.
4 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 12, 2008 10:48 AM
Great recap. Fatso is a absurd and I think he's being so offensive intentionally, perhaps thinking that by being "interesting" (or in his case, foul) he'll secure a long-term spot on the show. I find it hard to believe that he's really that misogynistic. But I could be wrong. He's an asshat no matter how you look at it.
Oh, and btw, the Brits, Aussies and Kiwis all pronounce the "t" on fillet (the only exception is for filet mignon). I spent a few months down under and I cracked up ordering a filleT of fish sandwich at McDoos. Sounds odd, but it tastes the same! =^)
5 of 14 | Posted by zbird | Posted on April 12, 2008 4:15 PM
Great recaps, but you're being FAR too easy on Jen! She's so obviously a miserable, obnoxious, sh*t-stirrer looking to turn on anyone for the slightest reason. UGH.. I HATE her. I can't wait for Ramsey to rip into her. I can't be the only one that feels this way.. am I?
6 of 14 | Posted by vango | Posted on April 12, 2008 5:32 PM
Good job on the recap overall Manda. You covered the show and made reading your recap entertaining.
I do have one question to ask you though..... and I will preface it with this statement.
I do not like Jen, she is two faced and stubborn and mouthy and mean. I also feel we will have her around for many weeks and we will have many more reasons to dislike her...... but,
I find that your statement about her cutting watermellon and her many shrimp dishes ala.. Bubba-shrimp to be putting her in her place racially. I usually don't take up for people I don't like but I don't think she deserves to be put down because of her color. I expect more from my Gasm recappers, I really do.
7 of 14 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on April 12, 2008 8:10 PM
Good job on the recap overall Manda. You covered the show and made reading your recap entertaining.
I do have one question to ask you though..... and I will preface it with this statement.
I do not like Jen, she is two faced and stubborn and mouthy and mean. I also feel we will have her around for many weeks and we will have many more reasons to dislike her...... but,
I find that your statement about her cutting watermellon and her many shrimp dishes ala.. Bubba-shrimp to be putting her in her place racially. I usually don't take up for people I don't like but I don't think she deserves to be put down because of her color. I expect more from my Gasm recappers, I really do.
8 of 14 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on April 12, 2008 8:11 PM
Just a note after reading the above post. I believe Jen herself was the one that mentioned carving "watermelon" in the first episode. Not sure about the shrimp part lol
9 of 14 | Posted by vango | Posted on April 13, 2008 12:56 AM
giffordsaz: I just wanted to take a moment to clarify a couple things about this week's blog because while most topics are fair game at TVgasm, I most certainly do not think that racism is funny. So I take your remark very seriously and thought it deserved a response.
Jen's job in real life actually is to carve watermelons. She said this on the first show, and Gordon said that did not make her a real chef.
As for the shrimp comment, that montage really reminded me of the movie. Not because of her race but because of the way it was edited, showing the time lapse as she rattled off the lengthy list of everything she could make.
So that is the grounds for my statements. I am definitely a stickler for sensitivity (racial and otherwise), so upon re-reading this blog, I can definitely see where you are coming from. You opinion is certainly valid. But I want you and everyone else to know that was never my intention, and I do apologize to anyone who was offended.
I will make a very sincere effort in the future to be clearer with my writing. And I do hope you keep coming back and reading.
love, mandamo
xoxo
10 of 14 | Posted by mandamo | Posted on April 13, 2008 10:15 AM
Thank you for your clarification. I never heard the watermelon statement in the first episode and if I had I would not have felt the same way. I understand where you are coming from now and thank you for taking my concern seriously and not bashing me for it.
I will certainly return to read your work. I am a slave to great writers and you are one of them.
And where in the chefdom of our world do you carve watermelons for a living-- a cruise ship?
11 of 14 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on April 13, 2008 9:19 PM
Yeah, didn't she say it in a somewhat ambiguous way...like "Chef, I'd like to carve your face...into a watermelon"? Made it sound like we should be a little concerned about Gordo needing to watch out for her around the knives...
12 of 14 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on April 14, 2008 2:35 AM
"The only boat he's ever gotten near to was the "Love Boat" on tv. And the only general he's ever actually gotten close to is General Mills when he eats his Lucky Charms every day." Loves it. I don't know what was better, that or the 'blood in the urine' comment. Ha!
13 of 14 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on April 14, 2008 11:59 AM
I love how some people (giffordsaz) get their panties in a bunch when they don't even know what's going on. Mandamo is right that Jen even introduced herself in the first episode as making watermelon carvings being her specialty. The shrimp/Bubba ramble connection has my laughing all over again now that I compare the two!
Seriously, it's a recap of a reality show and people are looking for things to complain about?
14 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 17, 2008 2:41 AM