Things are starting to wind down on Hell's Kitchen, and with only five aspiring chefs going into Monday's episode, the restaurant is actually starting to function like, well, a restaurant. Completing dinner service is no longer a mythical feat, and more often than not, compliments are coming out of Gordon Ramsay's mouth. Does that mean the show has lost its abusive edge? Hell no, you DONKEY! Just because these chefs are improved doesn't mean they're immune from the Wrath of Ramsay, and tonight's episode proved that. Gordo was chock full o' tasty rants, my favorite being an exasperating plea to use a nonstick pan. Plus, we discovered the scariest beast that a restaurant could encounter. The one, the only, the... TWELVE TOP! Behold the magnificence!
This week's episode began with tears -- lots of them. Virginia had just narrowly escaped elimination and was now crying on her bed. Unfortunately for her, the only one around to make her feel better was resident penguin, Sara. The irony was not lost on the narrator, who commented, "Virginia, after facing elimination yet again, has no one left on her team to turn to but her bitter rival, Sara." Of course, the implication here was that Virginia ever had someone to turn to, but as far as I could tell, she still hadn't really become friends with anyone (excluding Ramsay, who she happily beguiles with her heaving bosom whenever she can). Nevertheless, Virginia bawled into her pillow, saying, "I suck, suck, suck." Yes, but tell us about your culinary skills. Rimshot! That was a fellatio joke, you see. Oh never mind.
Elsewhere in the compound, Heather hung out with her Blue Team homies and predicted that Gordon would probably join the groups into one über-team very soon. If that were to happen, the challenges would now be individual, not team. This spurred Garrett to say that if he were to win a challenge, he'd choose Keith to share in whatever reward awaited. I found this quite heartwarming, especially because the producers were so obviously setting up Keith to not return the favor. Suckah!
Nevertheless, Garrett really felt there was a male bond going on (although, I'm not sure that's ever a smart thing to do when one of the males goes by "K-Grease"). "There's two of us guys left," Garrett said, "and we just watch each other's backs, you know?" He then said, "Literally. He look at each other's backsides. You can take the boy out of the prison, but you can't take the prison out of the boy. Squeal like a piggy, K-Grease!" Okay, he didn't say that, but it should be noted that Keith will happily squeal like a piggy if prompted. That's just how he rolls.
The next morning, we saw Heather and Keith being all buddy-buddy and such. Oh, poor, naive Garrett. He had clearly become the third wheel to this dynamic duo. This could not end nicely for him. The cooks then all lined up in front of Gordon who congratulated them on making it to the final five. "One of you is gonna have their own restaurant," Ramsay said, adding, "And the rest of you are DONKEYS! FUCKING DONKEYS!!!!"
Well, maybe he didn't say that last part, but Gordo then doled out new black and white uniforms to everyone, signaling the end of team play. They were all one unified group now, and Virginia was more than thrilled. "We're all soldiers now. We all have to be our strongest," she said. Little did she know that they were DONKEY SOLDIERS!!! (Insert donkey neigh here). Gordon then reminded them all again that they each had a one in five chance of winning the restaurant, causing Heather to tell us excitedly, "It's me! It's me! It's me! It's me!" I couldn't help thinking this was massive misdirection on the producers' part. Setting Heather up for disappointment perhaps? We could only hope!
Anyway, the chefs all changed into their new uniforms, and Garrett commented that until that moment, his life just hadn't seemed to have clicked. But now it all made sense! Translation: he's so gonna get backstabbed and disillusioned. Nevertheless, the final five then returned to the kitchen where Gordon revealed this week's challenge. He presented everyone with ten ingredients and each person had to make something beautiful with them. Winner would go to Vegas to see the kitchen space. Chef Ramsay then lifted a cloth and presented the ingredients, which included "the most amazing fresh prawns!" Or as he likes to call them, "Donkey-fish!"
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Comments (33)
Here's a random observation of the show. Sometimes we see customers getting cold food or food with missing ingredients. It seems not one single dish goes by without Gordon being involved with it.If a bad dish goes out, isn't that shame on G-Ram for not seeing it? I for once want to see him get called out on that.
I loved how JP got ripped on. Mind you, JP has pretty much no emotions. He is a very cold, Belgian individual. He disappears in Beverly Hills.
I wonder if Heather's geting the axe next week. She seemed like she was bawling her eyes out for the preview of next week. I hope not. She deserves to win. I don't know how K-Grease(in his wonderful fashion sense) is somehow impressing G-Ram lately.
Loved G-Rams temper tantrum , banging the counter. But sadly, not much of a catch phrase this week.
1 of 33 | Posted by BigTeebo
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Posted on July 25, 2006 1:28 PM
I must say, Chef Ramsay looks pretty good in his civilian clothes. His chef's whites do *nothing* for his figure...then again, they do nothing for anyone's figure. Even Virginia's "fun bags" look pretty tame in her chef's jacket. Pity...we need more jacuzzi parties!
2 of 33 | Posted by atom
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Posted on July 25, 2006 1:30 PM
well not to defend "K-Grease" but he started jumping and doing slot machine sounds after Gordon told him to not "hit the machines too hard" or something alone those lines, so he's .001% less dumb than he sounds here. Which, in reality, makes him 99.999% dumb.
3 of 33 | Posted by Steve
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Posted on July 25, 2006 1:40 PM
atom: Mind you, it goes the other way for Sarah. She looks like she's in shape(at least from the neck down) in plainclothes, but a bit chunky in her baggy chef's whites(almost to K-Grease levels). Look at her with the squirt bottle.
Oh she was up to her hijinks again this episode with imitating Darth Vader in her mask. But no tantrum from sous chef Mary Ann this time.
4 of 33 | Posted by BigTeebo
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Posted on July 25, 2006 1:46 PM
In Keith's defense, Scott was actually the one who sarcastically suggested "Cha-ching veal," but KY-Grease chose not to use it.
With the misdirection so far this season (blood turning out to be from rare lamb), I expect the unexpected departure to be Scott saying, "I'm going home to sleep. I got a better gig hosting 'Food Network Challenge.'"
5 of 33 | Posted by draw
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Posted on July 25, 2006 1:54 PM
OMG, I have been waiting WEEKS for this episode -- my partner is a writer/producer on game shows, and HER producer actually went to dine (allegedly) at HK on the night this taped (can't see them though, they were not in the 'on camera' area. Anyway, she reported that Dumpy McBoobsalot (love that!) stormed over to the counter and started throwing the food right away, and G-Ram went TOTALLY SICKHOUSE on her, screaming at her to "shut the fuck up and get the fuck back in your seat" just for openers. Said it was epic -- ahh, but for the things we DON'T see... And no, they never got served.
6 of 33 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on July 25, 2006 2:10 PM
Sara consoling Virginia when she was crying was weird...like watching my cat "play" with a lizard before she tears into it.
b-side: good WRAP up ~
hb
7 of 33 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on July 25, 2006 2:23 PM
Scott's leaving the show? I didn't see any indicator of that anywhere. Oh well, if he does go, Heather can replace him if she doesn't win the prize.
8 of 33 | Posted by BigTeebo
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Posted on July 25, 2006 2:52 PM
I wonder if all the "Ram Man" fawning over K-Grease is misdirection? I personally loved Michael last year (where is he BTW?), but I don't really care who wins this time.
I loved the recap B-Side, thank you.
9 of 33 | Posted by Pamsey
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Posted on July 25, 2006 3:39 PM
So apparently the state of California allows random people to apply potentially health-threatening pesticides in a restaurant? Stupid plankin' donkeys.
Great recap, as always.
10 of 33 | Posted by hannahthehun
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Posted on July 25, 2006 4:32 PM
"That's why it's called fucking NON-STIIIIIIIIICK!!" has to be in the top five of best Ramsay lines. Ever. The total frustration/disbelief/anger/"I wish I could kill you" tone that one word had... a joy to behold.
11 of 33 | Posted by coolbyrne
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Posted on July 25, 2006 4:41 PM
As far as I know, Scott's not leaving the show. I was just making fun of the misdirection this season ("There's blood everywhere!" and it turns out to be rare lamb) and the fact that Scott also hosts a much better food contest on Food Network. Sorry for the confusion.
12 of 33 | Posted by draw
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Posted on July 25, 2006 4:58 PM
K-Grease was right to select Miss Funbags 2006 to go to Vegas with; I wouldn't have cared if Virginia had served up burnt toast. Who would you rather hit the Strip with? Her "funbags" are above the waist; drop-the-soap boy Garrett's are below. 'Nuff said.
13 of 33 | Posted by kromike
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Posted on July 25, 2006 5:14 PM
Anyway, she reported that Dumpy McBoobsalot (love that!) stormed over to the counter and started throwing the food right away, and G-Ram went TOTALLY SICKHOUSE on her, screaming at her to "shut the fuck up and get the fuck back in your seat" just for openers.
Not true. I was there, and it happened exactly as shown. We were trying to figure out what GRam said to her to make her dump the food.
I'm pretty sure everyone got served, as I got served, and I was one of the first people to leave.
14 of 33 | Posted by farfle
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Posted on July 25, 2006 6:05 PM
Great recap! The part that made me laugh out loud is when Virginia and Keith are passing by the Paris Hotel in Vegas and he shouts out for Jean-Phillipe and Virginia makes the comment along the lines of JP being from Belguim and called Keith an idiot.
15 of 33 | Posted by TVInsider
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Posted on July 25, 2006 6:25 PM
Stop me if we've already had this conversation, but big guy looks like Sloth from The Goonies.
16 of 33 | Posted by tvtvtv
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Posted on July 25, 2006 6:28 PM
Aha, I just scrolled down...
17 of 33 | Posted by tvtvtv
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Posted on July 25, 2006 6:44 PM
Maybe I was seeing things, but did anyone else notice the ROLL OF DUCT TAPE on Garret's bed when they were waking up in the morning? Also, I think this is the first time it was made clear that Garret did not just WORK in the prison but was actually INCARCERATED there (correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't his caption previously "Prison Chef" instead of "Former Prisoner/Chef"?)
Also, I'm sorry, but I'm totally sick of Virginia's boobs. Gordon seems to like her, but there is just NO WAY he turns over a restaurant to her.
Oh, and when when OH WHEN will someone call Sara on her evil smirking every time someone else gets yelled at?
18 of 33 | Posted by Dr. Grissom
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Posted on July 25, 2006 7:10 PM
Did anyone catch that great reaction shot when Ramsay saw K-Grease's homeboy outfit in Vegas? Ram did this quick double-take at the backwards hat with a bemused/confused look that was priceless.
If Keith gets any further, he may need a Queer Eye makeover to make it in Vegas....
19 of 33 | Posted by whawha
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Posted on July 25, 2006 7:56 PM
Great recap as usual! I also like how K-Grease rocked the hardhat in Vegas. He had to tilt it to the side just a tad, cuz that's how he rolls!
20 of 33 | Posted by panbanger
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Posted on July 25, 2006 8:26 PM
K-Grease must be really relieved that Garret went home. Would not have turned my back on him if I were Keith.
I hope Sara and her attitude go home soon. Can't stand that woman.
If it isn't Heather and Keith as the final two, I will be very surprised. I mean, Virginia's boobies can only take her so far in a cooking contest. Even with all the people who like boobies (see the comments to the 4400 recap).
21 of 33 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on July 25, 2006 9:10 PM
just a few quick questions:
did the "Ram Man" drive his Harley to Vegas?
would anyone want K-Grease touching their food before they ate it?
can G-Ram decide that no one gets the restaurant gig? because i wouldn't feel comfortable handing over that kind of responsibility to any of these dolts
22 of 33 | Posted by crediblering
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Posted on July 25, 2006 11:52 PM
I can't believe no one has mentioned K-Grease's priceless quote at the end.
To paraphrase:
"I'm the last dude. I guess its K-Grease and the Bitches."
Of course-bitches-came out all slurred like "bidtsessses". He's hilarious.
23 of 33 | Posted by jelodi97
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Posted on July 26, 2006 4:55 AM
Were it my investment, I'd choose Heather as chef. She pulled together the guys when they were going down, and she consistenly turns out good stuff, the occasional mistake notwithstanding. She seems more stable and able than most of her colleagues on the show.
And why hasn't Sara been kicked off prior to now? She's a screw-up, big-time.
24 of 33 | Posted by Loo
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Posted on July 26, 2006 8:38 AM
farfle or anyone who's eaten at Hell's ... got some burning questions I just gotta know...
Do you get your meals for free?
Do you have to sign something so they can show your face on tv?
How long is the wait?
How does the waitstaff handle the wait?
Can you see/hear GR's screaming?
And how is the risotto?
Thanks,
Mrs C.
25 of 33 | Posted by MrsC
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Posted on July 26, 2006 9:56 AM
I'm betting GR screams so loud that Pink's HotDogs could hear it. I wish I could get the audio uncensored from this show to make the ultimate sound board.
26 of 33 | Posted by BigTeebo
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Posted on July 26, 2006 10:27 AM
BigTeebo, that’s a good point. Gordon reams them out if the slightest thing is wrong when they bring it to the hot plate, yet they will then get food returned for being undercooked. What’s up with that?
K-grease not picking Garrett was a good move. Garrett gets so pissy it guaranteed he’d do a bad job at dinner.
I loved Garrett’s logic as to why he’d never hit heather. Because her did it in his past so that means he’ll never do it again. As opposed to people like me who have never beaten women are more prone to it since we haven’t “gotten it out of our system yet”. Makes perfect sense. I am a wife beater who doesn’t know it yet!
My big question is where is J-Unit? He said he was there this season for dinner but I have yet to spot him.
I love webs of horniness. They are extra sticky though.
I was amazed when he called Virginia a “stupid fucking fat mouth bitch!”. Doesn’t he know that she is in a whole different class than the other women?
Heather will win it all.
27 of 33 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on July 26, 2006 11:18 AM
**farfle or anyone who's eaten at Hell's ... got some burning questions I just gotta know...
Do you get your meals for free?
Do you have to sign something so they can show your face on tv?
How long is the wait?
How does the waitstaff handle the wait?
Can you see/hear GR's screaming?
And how is the risotto?
Thanks,
Mrs C.**
Take it away, farfle. Interested in whether you work in the industry, as obviously your experience was somewhat different than the visiting producer's.
Mary
28 of 33 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on July 26, 2006 1:40 PM
Did anyone else hear? Over on TVSquad (amongst a few other places I found on a Technorati search) HK is getting a third series, ETA sometime next summer.
Now, all they have to do is find contestants you can really root for. I'm really in it for Kevin right now. I just wish he could act like someone with class...
29 of 33 | Posted by Samuel John Klein
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Posted on July 27, 2006 11:55 AM
Just an FYI: Went to Pink's 7/26 eve, still no sign of the G-Ram dog. Pity. Chanced a Lord of the Rings dog (YUM, surprisingly...) and my partner her de rigueur Chicago polish...
30 of 33 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on July 27, 2006 2:30 PM
^ I sent Pinks an email calling shenanigans bc there was no G-Ram Dog. Never did hear back...
I thought that snide comment to Jean-Philippe was really uncalled for -- "Are you trying to lose your virginity?" J-P did a bit of a double take and looked genuinely offended. Why pick on him?
regarding "That's why it's called fucking NON-STIIIIIIIIICK!!"
Props to b-side (in the clipgasm) for noting the falsetto squeak in G-Ram's outrage.
Personally, I thought you could cook scallops in a standard stainless steel frying pan, but the trick (proper technique) is not to turn them more than once in order to get that golden crust.
31 of 33 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on July 27, 2006 5:25 PM
Ramboy, u r n serious need of therapy.
32 of 33 | Posted by RockitGuy
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Posted on July 28, 2006 7:43 AM
Um, it's August 8th and there's only the big finale left. Are they spoilers here? If so, don't read beyond this ************************
Got rid of the b... Sarah, and not a moment too soon - couldn't stand her from day one - and boy, did V. get payback on her! Unlike many, I was also glad to see the back of K-Grease. No way would I ever let that slob anywhere near my food. So that's Heather the squealer versus Virginia-no-brain. Can't wait to see her dream restaurant! Seriously, V. is a boob. I have never heard so much tripe come out of one human being's mouth... but it seems she can cook, and she's a creative cook as well. Gordon seems to think so. She's a rotten line cook, and obviously used to getting preferential treatment because of her looks -- and no, K-Grease, I don't think Gordon has a *** for her. Crude indeed! -- but how often would she have to sweat at the veg station in her own restaurant? Heather seemed pretty stable at the beginning, but her new habit of crying, squealing and making stupid comments turned me off big time. And she recognized a while ago that Virginia was the more creative cook, possibly the more talented, and tried repeatedly to get rid of her, not because she found her irritating, but because she knew she was serious competition. I'm looking forward to the finale. Hope it's as good as the battle royale between Michael and Ralph!
Good news about Season 3, if it's true, but I hope they find more likeable people next time. I had a hard time rooting for any one of this sorry lot. They were all WAY annoying, starting with Polly, who had six boys without anesthesia, whoopee! and what's his name, who didn't quit, no, his body quit! and not forgetting Tom (?) the sweatmaster!
Please, Gordon, have your teams choose people we can actually root for, like Jessica, Elsie, Michael, Ralph and even Andrew!
33 of 33 | Posted by rrroxy
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Posted on August 8, 2006 9:59 AM