Recap: Hell's Kitchen: Taking Sides... Or Maybe Not

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Is this a reality show or Sophie's Choice?

Okay, so let's start by admitting the obvious: I was grossly mistaken in thinking that tonight's episode was the Hell's Kitchen season finale. I didn't think that there was anywhere else to go after eliminating down to two finalists, but I was dead wrong. There is one final place for us to go before the finale and that place is - the stalling zone. Yes, my friends, we have been shuffled expediently into that boundless, meaningless, useless, advertiser-friendly space known as the stalling zone. They're putting us off, guys! And they're doing it very sneakily and behind our backs... recaps, looks at past season winners, last-minute trips to Vegas... filler! If they think they can dupe me into watching long enough for me to start rooting for one of the finalists, well... let's see what happens, shall we?

We begin with a very long week-by-week look at what's happened this season and I am just going to fast-forward right through that because I was there the first time around. We finally land back where we left off with the divider crashing down from the ceiling, startling Rock and Bonnie to death. Chef Ramsay tells them that they each get to take charge of one half of the restaurant. But first! It's time for a few moments of family togetherness, and to that end, Chef Ramsay presents Rock's children. Aw, they're really cute and they come out for some cuddles with Daddy. I wonder what they'll think in years to come when watching their father act like a tantrum-throwing bully on television.

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"No TV for the rest of your lives, kids!"



Wah, wah, wah, Bonnie only has her parents to rendezvous with - no conjugal visit for her! Or for Rock it turns out. As Chef Ramsay begins to shoo the families out of the studio Rock asks if his wife is allowed to come back to the dorms with him. "Unfortunately not," is Chef Ramsay's amused answer. Denied! It's another night with Bonnie for Rock. Chef Ramsay tells the two finalists that as they head back to the dorms they should start imagining how they want their restaurants to be - the look, the atmosphere, the menus, everything they can think of that will help them win the competition. Now it makes total sense why Rock's wife isn't allowed - she would be extra help! Help Rock desperately needs, as we will soon see.

Up in the dorms Rock and Bonnie decide to disregard RamJam's instructions and just celebrate themselves tonight. They are both so wonderful and brilliant, they can hardly believe it.

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"Wow, I can't believe I'm here."

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"Wow, Rock is amazing."



Rock admits that in the beginning he thought it would be him and Melissa in the finals. Bonnie tells him that by the time people realize she's a force to be reckoned with, it's too late - meaning it's too late for Rock and he's about to lose to a nanny personal chef. Stop with the nanny stuff, Bonnie. That ship has sailed. We've figured out that you probably feed a cat in the morning and then spend the rest of the day cooking. Oh, and you make beds sometimes.

The next day our finalists take stock of the space that has been given over to their creative genius. Bonnie says it's like getting a huge doll house with a credit card. Rock just says he feels great and that you can't stop the Rock. The guy who is Hell's Kitchen's architect and designer sits down with each finalist to get a feel for how they would like to design the restaurant. Bonnie says she wants a romantic, European feel. In my experience that means aloof waiters who don't bring your check for hours and tiny glasses of Coke with no ice, but what Bonnie has in mind are hardwood floors, no booths, mismatched china and accents of color. That actually sounds very charming.

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"What's wrong with my booths?"



Rock wants to go American Southern. Shamefully I've never been to the South, but I am picturing a rustic look - maybe a farm animal motif or even a romantic antebellum plantation feel. No, scratch that last one. Now I'm picturing weeping willows. Rock says he likes conformity. He wants to keep the booths and have classical silverware with everything done in black and white. Eh, I like Bonnie's idea better.

Recap: Hell's Kitchen: Taking Sides... Or Maybe Not Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (13)

Ryabusa [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I never really hated Julia, but her crying here was ridiculous. She is getting sent to Culinary School! Quit crying, you are getting a great prize that none of the other losers are getting. Rock is just a flat out ASS. I would rather cheer for an emotional ditz than an A-hole any day.

Also, it was nice to see how well Melissa's chin healed up. If she could only do something about that accent...

Donna Martin Graduates! [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Ah yes, the clip show...... Way to insult your viewers' intelligence.

Let's start with one of the most annoying things I've seen this season (wait, that can't be right--) namely Bonnie drinking red wine from a champagne flute. Um, girl? Wine glasses have different shapes for a reason -- to deliver *appropriately* the bouquet of your libation to your palate and olfactory organs (nose). Got that? And you think you can run a restaurant? You can't even bother to rinse out a wine glass.

I don't like the sound of Bonnie's fun-filled mismatched plates, but I bet all that means is that the soup bowls are a fetching cornflower blue and the bread and butter plates are a charming rose pink etc Note to all chefs and cooks -- food is best presented with a white background, to showcase the *food* rather than your taste in chinaware.

I think the decor for both the restaurants will end up being stylish and glam. And entirely different, which is good.

Um, who bundles up in scarves and woolly hats to go to Vegas? Does it ever get that cold there??

If I were Bonnie, I would have definitely taken a photo of that sign!

[Sorry, HG, but that's 'marquee' not 'marquis'... The latter is a European nobleman, fyi. Also 'bated', not 'baited' breath -- it comes from 'abate' which sort of means to decrease...]

I am not surprised that Bonnie chose Melissa's boobs over Julia. Melissa really can cook haute cuisine.

Next week had better not be a padded two hour finale! At this stage, I don't really give a flying fuck who wins.

Honey Gangsta [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Woopsie! My bad on the spelling errors. Thanks DMG - I'm glad there's someone here with some expertise. Although in the moment I may have actually meant to say that a European nobleman was welcoming Rock and Bonnie to chilly Las Vegas. My mind wandered a lot during this episode. :)

Much love,
-HG

CWJ [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I'm on team Rock. Cocky as he may be, I don't think there is any way Bonnie could run a restaurant! I was hoping for a Jen and Rock finale. She's a much better chef and not to mention, not as much of a moron.
Plus, I love how in their Vegas challenge, Bonnie kept referring to her dish as "fettucini alfredo," or something like that. I would never have told a professional chef that that was my signature dish. At least tell them that it is a "fettucini with lobster and crab sauce." Lame. Must have been good though b/c she won.
Anyway, I hope Rock wins. He has a family to support and he's already an executive chef. I think he could handle it better than her. Bonnie would totally blow if she had to run a restaurant in Vegas. I know she's not really a nanny, but maybe she should focus on that part of her career. She can make mini grilled sammies and tomato soup for her little kiddos.

caught.doin.it [TypeKey Profile Page]:

what the hell...this is when i stop watching. No donuts, no donkeys, no ramjam ramjammin...tata

Tony A. [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Yeah, well, good recap, but I get you a doughnut Rock wins.

Now that you learned some spellin' from DMG maybe you'll quit using "confessional" as a verb. It grates on me the same as when John Madden says a quarterback is "audibleizing". Yuck. Good recap, otherwise. You see through all the ploy quite well.

Tony A. [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Now that you learned some spelling from DMG it's back to the woodshed for your stance using "confessional" as a verb. It grates on me the same as when John Madden says that a quarterback is "audibleizing" at the line. Yuck. Great recaps, however. You see through the ploys very well.

Tony A. [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Oh, Snap!

Tony A. [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Oh, Snap!

KristiM [TypeKey Profile Page]:

KristiM doesn't like Rock. KristiM has never liked Rock. KristiM wonders why we can't vote for our favorites like on other Fox shows?

PixieGal [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Donna Martin Graduates, Yes it does get that cold in Las Vegas. Just because it's the desert doesn't mean it doesn't get freezing in the winter; especially at night.

I am hoping neither of them win, but I could tolerate Bonnie winning. It'd just show that women can actually work together and be successful and that we're not all bitches to each other.

Trey [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Auuugh. I really cannot stand Bonnie. After the commercial, when those last two chefs voted for her, I screamed at the teevee. XD Team Rock for me. Guess your readers are as split up as much as you were?

Mismatched dinnerware = no. I really do like going to a restaurant and seeing everything uniform and beautiful. It seems more classy.

I also don't think Julia really needed to cry. I do feel sorry her, but she *is* going to culinary school for free, with recommendations from Chef Ramsey. Why is there anything to be sad about?

Great recap. I love reading them always. 8)

mommyboughtyoupajamas [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Why was Julia crying so much?


Methinks Julie was PMSing.

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