December 16, 2008

Heroes: Saw for Wussies

This week on Heroes, a lot of people die, a lot of movie plots are ripped off and Ando is inexplicably given more to do.

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If you gotta go, go with freshly applied gloss.

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December 11, 2008

Heroes: Magic Jello

This week, Heroes doesn't suck so much!

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One day I'm gonna be an adult and not screw everything up. NOT!

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December 4, 2008

Heroes: Power Loss Part Two

This week on Heroes, Claire's Pirate Mom hijacks a Yemeni cargo ship.

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ARGH!

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November 27, 2008

Heroes: Power Loss

This week on Heroes, HRG goes all Mr. Miyagi on Claire, we learn that at ten years old, Hiro was officially retarded, and Sylar gets some ass.

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Hi there I'm calling to trade my one facial expression in for something, I dunno, hawter.

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November 21, 2008

Heroes: Let's Just Make Some Shit Up

This week on Heroes,

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November 17, 2008

Heroes: Memory Lane

This week on Heroes, we find out that Meredith was the most boring character even a year before all this started, Sylar used to read a lot of books and liked musicals, and that Mama Petrelli was, for a short time, a strong black woman.

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Dontchoo make me whoop yo ass, boy!

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October 28, 2008

Heroes: Igpay Atinlay is The Only Latin I know. Here, Eat Some Dung, See the Future, and Let's Call it a Day.

Previously on Heroes...the episode had a semi-legible title. This week, I give you "Eris Quod Sum," which is Latin for "Yes, We Have No Bananas. Just Creepy Old Men. And Badass Sylar." Oh, also "You Will Be What I Am." What am I? Soon to be unemployed, so I really hope you won't become that.

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I know the feeling. How many times can you call your boss a jackass before it catches up to you?

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October 18, 2008

Heroes: The Origins Of Herpes

This week's episode of Heroes, entitled "Angels and Monsters," calls to mind every single cliché frat/sorority party theme I have ever been subjected to, including "CEO's and Office Hoes" and "Mermaids and Seamen." Let's pop our collars and do this!

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I said pop your collar.

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October 10, 2008

Heroes: I Can Has Death?

Yatta! I did it! I finally found a job that absolutely fits me and is willing and able to pay me more than packing peanuts and boxes of Mike&Ike. Oh wait, the economy is going to render the future job null and void (I was silly enough to choose "journalist/writer" as my career), and now I have to go back in time to warn Alan Greenspan about the collapse of western civilization. I can has death by black hole, plz?

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You are worth nothing! Bwahahahahah!

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October 8, 2008

Heroes: Did Somebody Order The Hot Cops? (Now with a Side of Child Abandonment!)

Oh lawd. The Butterfly Effect strikes again.

Butterfly Effect
Don't worry. Not that one.

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December 16, 2008:Heroes: Saw for Wussies
December 11, 2008:Heroes: Magic Jello
December 4, 2008:Heroes: Power Loss Part Two
November 27, 2008:Heroes: Power Loss
November 21, 2008:Heroes: Let's Just Make Some Shit Up
November 17, 2008:Heroes: Memory Lane
October 28, 2008:Heroes: Igpay Atinlay is The Only Latin I know. Here, Eat Some Dung, See the Future, and Let's Call it a Day.
October 18, 2008:Heroes: The Origins Of Herpes
October 10, 2008:Heroes: I Can Has Death?
October 8, 2008:Heroes: Did Somebody Order The Hot Cops? (Now with a Side of Child Abandonment!)
October 3, 2008:Heroes: Mama Petrelli's A Slut! Pass It On!
September 27, 2008:Heroes: Sylar's Back, and Tim Kring Discovers Viagra and Red Bull, Decides to Bone 2 Hours Rather Than the Usual 1.
December 6, 2007:Heroes: Now Hiring Monkeys with Typewriters
November 29, 2007:Heroes: What Biohazard? New York Looks Fine To Me
November 22, 2007:Heroes: Of Daddies and Doggie Baths
November 15, 2007:Heroes: Not As Compelling as Flesh-Eating Zombies
November 8, 2007:Heroes: Tim Kring Apologizes For Mistakes, Finds Five Dollars
October 31, 2007:Heroes: Dosvidanya, New York! Yes, Again.
October 25, 2007:Heroes: Veronica Mars Lives!
October 18, 2007:Heroes: Who did Emotard Blow To Get On This Show?
October 11, 2007:Heroes: Niki, I Hear the CW is Casting, They Already Took Candice
October 4, 2007:Heroes: Another Blessed Week without Niki
September 26, 2007:Heroes: Four months later, "Yatta!" becomes "Dai pinchi!"
May 23, 2007:Recap: Heroes: Fire-Fliers
May 9, 2007:Look Ma! No Morals!
May 2, 2007:Strung Along
April 25, 2007:Brushes With Death
April 21, 2007:Open up and say AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
February 28, 2007:Recap: I Guess It's Time For a New Beginning
February 21, 2007:Recap: Heroes: Shot! In the Name of Love?
February 15, 2007:Recap: Heroes: You Can Always Teach an Old Sylar New Tricks
February 7, 2007:Recap: Heroes: Hello Mother, Hello Father. I Am Claire, Your Indistructable Daughter
February 1, 2007:Recap: Heroes: Get Out of My Dreams and Into My Plans to Save Humanity
January 23, 2007:Recap: Heroes: This Fever is Not A Lovely Way to Burn
January 3, 2007:Recap: Heroes: Your New Year's Resolution: Find Out If You Are on THE LIST
December 5, 2006:Recap: Heroes: Sylar or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
November 29, 2006:Recap: Heroes: This One Time, Six Months Ago...
November 21, 2006:Recap: Heroes: Save the Cheerleader. Save The... Oh Hell, You Know The Rest
November 16, 2006:Recap: Heroes: Believe it Or Not, This Guy Is Going to Kill Claire
November 7, 2006:Recap: Heroes: Sometimes The Most Interesting Things Happen By Accident
November 1, 2006:Recap: Heroes: Niki Finds She is Half the Woman She Used to Be
October 24, 2006:Leaving Las Vegas
October 22, 2006:A Night Of Heroes
October 17, 2006:You Can Probably Call Him Super Hiro Now
October 10, 2006:That's Not Going to Be Good For Business
October 4, 2006:Conspiracies, Serial Killers, and Nuclear Holocaust. Oh My!
September 27, 2006:Trying to Save the World From Another Conspiracy-Lined Apocalypse