Yatta! I did it! I finally found a job that absolutely fits me and is willing and able to pay me more than packing peanuts and boxes of Mike&Ike. Oh wait, the economy is going to render the future job null and void (I was silly enough to choose "journalist/writer" as my career), and now I have to go back in time to warn Alan Greenspan about the collapse of western civilization. I can has death by black hole, plz?
You are worth nothing! Bwahahahahah!
Previously on Heroes, Nathan thinks he's in charge. Just like Charles. He also plays with himself. Chess, that is. Claire's told she's special, but Sylar leaves out the "ed" part of the description. The future changes, because the robots now rule the world.
Sylar cleans up nicely, joins The Company, gets a new mommy, and kills Jesse after Peter's popped out of him. Tracy freaks out, kills a reporter, and then finds and visits the doctor who created her, thanks to Micah's skills. Present and Future Peter frolic off into the sunset together, hand-in-hand. Mohinder sees boobs (at least side boobs) for the first time in three seasons, and becomes Spiderman. Sort of.
"All your Base are Belong to Death," the original title of Chapter 4, has been revised to "I Am Become Death." This sounds exactly like my father trying to master Engrish slang, with his trademark "You are the suck, you sucking." He would purse his lips while reminding us that 58,000+ Vietnam vets died so we could be born in America. I was six.
Mohinder, dressed like Uncle Jesse in a wifebeater, has funky scabs on his back. I had no idea you could get shingles there. One of my best friends had shingles in high school. She happened to get mono at the same time, so she was like a zombie with skin pieces falling off. Needless to say, I didn't hang out with her as much. Mohinder realizes his Nobel Peace Prize dreams are dead, and he records his emo confessions for posterity. For someone on the forefront of genetic modification, he's really behind on blogging. I would've pegged him as a Wordpress kind of guy, or maybe Tumblr. I guess Mohinder just really, really, really loves the sound of his own voice.
I am a Superwoman,
Even when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes I'm a Superwoman.
Something wicked this way comes. For everything else, there's Preparation H. A domestic dispute unfolds in Apartment 4, and Mohinder knocks to see if everything's all right. The door swings open. Inside, a visibly shaken blonde woman is crying while a meathead former football player type tells Mohinder to mind his own business. Is the guy abusing his wife? Did she just uncover some infidelities? Are they LARPers?
No need to answer, because testosterone-fueled Mohinder bashes the guy's head into the wall, as the weeping woman protests. There's no explanation or context, except to show that Mohinder's less of a pussy than he used to be. Roid rage makes everything more manly.
New Orleans
Tracy's sitting down with Dr. Zimmerman, who clearly cloned himself from Orville Redenbacher's seed. We cut to some family photos. First, DJ Tanner's on the left, and then it's Orville, Ali Larter (presumably not Tracy/Niki), some weiner dog, a poor man's Michelle Williams, post-Dawson's Creek) and The German. Who's now dead. Everyone has powers!
Orvil informs Tracy, Niki, and Baba Wawa (Barbara). Test subjects, when their birth parents died and they separated the girls. Niki wants answers and wants to know what he did to her. He explains that he manipulated DNA to create a formula that would make her incredible. Speed, strength, sandwich-making skills and boobs that will never sag. Ali Larter, in her best attempt to look shocked, asks, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Well, Tracy, saggy boobs are friends to no man.
I'm sorry, but we had to refuse to let any of you take an acting class.
He admits they had no right, selfish and arrogant and human. The old man is worried he's said too much already. She asks for a name. I really hope she doesn't freeze him. There was a company, he starts to stammer. Tracy is convinced he's lying, and starts demanding that he take away her abilities, Maya-style. Orville insists it's part of her now. She panics and grabs his arm, temporarily freezing him for a bit. Fortunately, she has a little more control over it and doesn't cold fusion him into smithereens.
Universal Studios Desert backlot
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Comments (3)
damn.. i was really gonna quit watching this dumb show but reading your recap is so funny. how can I stop now...
1 of 3 | Posted by chibby | Posted on October 12, 2008 10:15 PM
Tvo, you have hit your heavenly stride!!!! Fantastic recap!!! My only complaint is, when I watch the show, I'm all like wow, and cool, and whoda thunk!? then I read the recap and realize, must have been the wine, coz in retrospect, it was pretty lame.
The Hiro arc is pain, and the desert quest, is a waste, the powers no powers stuff is making no sense. Oh well, Mama P still rocks, I like the total twist on Sylar and Peter, and frankly, I think Hayden and Ali both do pretty good in their roles. Hayden is only 18, and Ali is blisteringly beautiful, maybe I'm just mesmerized . . . . but I'm glad she's back, and also glad she's not saddled with bad mom guilt!
2 of 3 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:25 PM
chibby and juddfan -- Everything I do, I do for you. And everyone else who reads my recaps and bearing with my sleep-deprivation. You're the best, and I think Tim Kring got the memo about last season. I'm FINALLY caught up with the present/future now, and could not be more excited!
3 of 3 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on October 13, 2008 6:14 PM