Oh lawd. The Butterfly Effect strikes again.
Don't worry. Not that one.
I was halfway through recapping episode 4 before I remembered I'd left episode 3 in Microsoft Word/ Moveable Type Hell. Also, I showed up to the wrong job on the wrong day (true story, I have 4 jobs right now and I can't time-travel), and Sylar ate all the Hot Pockets in my freezer. I'm sorry. I'm a bad person. Please don't hate me. I must be pregnant with Heroes. Immaculate conception is totally real!
I had a nightmare this week. It involved my high school band director screaming "Results not excuses!" in my left ear while ordering me to do 200 pushups on a dewy football field. The kind of pushups where you have to clap in between them. I often wake up feeling that I've irrevocably screwed up my future and feel compelled to take a lap or two around the block as penance. I usually make it as far as my door before I remember I gave up Catholic guilt for Lent about six years ago. Let's do this!
The Company, Sylar's cell
Mama Petrelli practically salivates over a restrained Sylar, caressing his stubbly face and telling him that she can give him what all boys crave from their mothers. Inspiration! Guidance! Molesting! The Oedipus complex! Her sartorial decisions include more evil-looking tweed skirt suits, a favorite of sinister post-menopausal supervillains and the national executives from my sorority.
I'm here to read you a story. Out of Penthouse.
She leans over her sedated son, untying his wristguards, and admits she never should've given him up for adoption. Seriously, what made you think a watchmaker and a woman who collects Hummel figurines would be capable of raising your child together? I thought you were smart, Mama P. More facial molesting ensues, which explains the source of Nathan and Peter's homoerotic brotherly love. Then she calls in a willowy brunette in a skirt suit named Bridget. Bridget's ability is to touch an object and be able to view its entire history, including everywhere it's been and everyone who's ever touched it.
So what you're saying is if Bridget touched Mama P down there in the baby-maker, Bridget could tell you exactly who our Heroes Hub has been touching over the years. Dirty! What a useful skill! Never again will you wonder if your sexual partners are telling the truth about who they've boinked. Bridget could have taken down those Emperor's Club call girl rings in basically six months!
Sylar asks what Bridget's going to do to him, and Mama P replies comfortingly, "Feed you." Hmm, would you rather be Sylar feed or a comfort woman to soldiers of war? Conjugal visits of the brain-slicing kind are the best, aren't they? The mysterious ticking noise comes flooding back once Mama P rips Sylar's IV out of his nose, too. Sweet. Severus Snape, Snape, Snape...
Mama P struts away in her Tweed Suit of Evil and pauses for half a heartbeat when she hears Bridget's blood-curling screams. She stops to pick a wedgie (control top Depends could use a redesign) and moves along her merry way. She's a cold-hearted bitch, and we love her for it.
Tastes like evil chicken.
"One of us, One of them" is the theme of the episode, and we get a scrolling title card instead of the usual text overlapping the scene. Curious. Cut to Tracy freezing a single long-stem rose in a vase as Mohinder does his usual voice-over about the nature of evil, the choices we make, nurture versus nature, yada yada yada, everybody poops.
Yes. Even her.
A single frozen petal flutters downward, revealing that Tracy's frozen about a dozen roses, one at a time. I haven't watched Beauty and the Beast in a very long time, and now I have no desire to.
It's still the present day, in Senator Nathan's new office, when Future Peter appears for some inquiring about Present Peter's whereabouts. Nathan reveals that Present Peter left him a message on his iPhone, but it's in someone else's voice. Ah yes, Present Peter is trapped in a Level 5 villain's body, stuck in a car with criminals who are going to hurt people. Dude, at least give your cross-streets.
Poughkeepsie, New York
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Comments (3)
Awesome again T.Vo. I was already laughing just reading the title. Anything that's associated with GOB never stops being funny.
1 of 3 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:05 AM
Between this episode and the last one, seems like Mama Petrelli's powers are sluttiness and super fertility. The question now is who is Sylar's bio-daddy? Linderman??? Kato?? Matt's Dad? Are we eventually gonna see all of the heroes connected to each other through Mama P's womb?
2 of 3 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 8:57 AM
Btw T.Vo, where I'm from, being in the marching band is cool - especially if you're the drum major or on the drumline. ;) The halftime shows are more popular than the games.
3 of 3 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 12:54 PM