"A child is born to innocence.
A child is drawn towards good.
Why then do so many among us go so horribly wrong?"

Internet porn. Duh, Suresh. Check your parental settings and get over yourself.

I gotta give this show credit for writing a fresh "Battle Between Good and Evil" monologue every stinkin' week, but it would be nice if Suresh didn't have to sound so depressed about it all the time. Maybe they could get that woman who does the voiceovers on Desperate Housewives. She committed suicide and got stuck gossiping to no one about all of her lame friends for the rest of eternity, and she still sounds downright chipper. Up your game, Suresh. I'd prefer a little sugar with my looming apocalypse, thank you very much.

We begin a bit before we left off last week. Hiro's about to take the mashed up donkey poo Enlightened Black Dude made for him so he can trip balls and go on his "spiritual journey". I've been on that journey. It involved leather chaps and waking up with mustard on my face. Don't do it, Hiro!

I hope his journey doesn't involve a love interest, because I don't think that would be good for the sagging ratings. Homely people kiss and America turns off our TVs. Fair? No. But neither is being subjected to homely makeouts during dinner hour. Hiro swallows the magical poo mush and a look of surprise kind of comes over his face when he gets one last look at Enlightened Black Dude's Universal Stuidios t-shirt. "You are being ironic!" Then he gets white eyes and passes out. Ando, dependably, gets that confused Scooby Doo look on his face.

Raggy?!?

Suresh tells us that to fight evil, you must take hallucinogenic donkey doo, travel back in time, and subject yourself to second rate paintings of Mama Petrelli to truly know evil.

Shudder. Some things are best left for yesterday.

We're at Mama and Papa Petrelli's fortieth anniversary party. Papa's giving a beautiful speech about loving the same woman for so long his wrist hurts. From carpal tunnel syndrome. Cuz Mama P doesn't put out these days. Cuz she's old. Papa gives a shout out to his two sons, the brilliant politician and the cough pansy cough. Peter tries to brush off the fact that his father refused to add nurse after pansy, but the booze is free so he clinks Nathan's glass for the toast anyways.

Papa P and Mama P start making out. It's gross. The kids get embarrassed, but Mama reminds them that she only gets a man for a few episodes so she's gonna ride him like an electric bull until they clean out his dressing room. Well look who's at the party! Mr. Linderman! This scene takes place way before he became the Battlestar Galactica knock off hologram in Nathan's head, so don't worry, you don't have to feel creeped out. Seriously, Heroes, if you're gonna rip off a plot device do it right. How do you go from this...

....to this?

I'm invisible. Wanna bone?

Linderman addresses the senior Petrelli's as his king and queen, kisses their rings, and lets them leave to finish their awkward face to face rubbing offscreen. Don't say he never did nothin' for ya. He turns to ask Nathan if he should be worried about the rumor he's heard about the District Attorney's Office building a case against "all things Linderman". No, the case is "all things Entenmans." You know that shit's not fat free.

Nathan suggests the old fox shave his wrists. Handcuffs pull at arm hairs, plus Linderman could hand model if he just paid a bit more attention to skin care. Hot old lady hands are totally in demand right now. Linderman laughs Nathan off and is left wondering if he's about to go to prison, and if his hands are really pretty. Sometimes it only takes one spark of self confidence to turn someone's day around. He finds Papa Petrelli and asks him to read Peter's mind from across the room.

Linderman's going to hell and I'm gonna put him there. Pretty hands though. Pita bread. Speedwalking. Five points in a cup of yogurt. Entenmans is bs. Dancing monkeys. Natalie Maine's throwing her shoes at me again. Why did I marry that psycho? Green beans. Penguins.

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Posted in Heroes by Flipit at 4:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: KrispyDixie on Nov 30, 2008 11:40 PM.