Testimonials

Back at Sylar's, Elle is listening to her new friend yammer on about his feelings. He covets other people's powers, hates the evening news but loves LOLcats. He says that since he met her, he doesn't feel the need to be a serial killer any more. She starts playing with her hair and giggling and licking a lollipop. Oh for chrissakes. She's crushin. She leaves and HRG makes fun of her for falling for a watch repairman. He reminds her that it's just a job and they need to get someone off the stolen list for Sylar to get jealous of. Elle thinks that she's changed Sylar for the better and he won't kill again. Yeah, girl. You changed him. I'd love to hear Dr. Laura rant about this shit. Her head would explode. Elle refuses to betray her man and HRG threatens to leave her all alone in the world. She caves, because apparently she has never seen a commercial for ITT Technical Institute. Take charge of your life! You have options!

Linderman is over at the Petrelli's apologizing to Papa about not killing Nathan. He can do it if he just has another chance! The two men start talking as loudly as possible about this, like they're doing Shakespeare in the park.

I WANT NATHAN DEAD!
I WILL KILL YOUR SON FOR YOU!
CUT HIM WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!
I WILL PEE ON HIM WHEN HE'S DEAD!
BWAHAHAHA!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Why do you always have to have a longer evil laugh than me?
Sorry, yo. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
(hugs)

Surprise! Mama Petrelli heard all of this and freaks out. She runs, but Papa P is right behind her. She grabs a giant knife, but it's no match for his brainwashing power. He stares deeply into her eyes.

You know nothing about me killing anyone. I am a hero. My peepee is over a foot long. You hate cuddling. You hate when I say I'm sorry. You will make me a pot roast and set Murder She Wrote as a season pass on the DVR and not complain that you've already seen all of the episodes. You're a strong black woman.

It totally worked.

Nathan who? Kill his ass! Let me make you a pot roast, baby! Matlock's all new tonight! Can I get a what what?

America, you voted for your favorite online hero to get his own webisodes, and you chose some douchey soccer player named Santiago who's being chased by Beverly D'Angelo after six months on Jenny Craig. Congrats!

How bout inventing a superhero bus driver from Mexico that isn't always running people over? Safety first, Mexico. K, thanks.

Hiro jerks upright in the African desert babbling about scrub bubbles chasing him through Candyland. Ando makes big wide eyed faces and tries to wake is man crush up but Enlightened Black Dude stops him, explaining that Hiro will get trapped in his head if he doesn't finish the journey. Also, we're only half way through the episode and Kring would have to come up with an entirely new plot device to finish all the flashbacks. Enlightened Black Dude sets some more magic donkey poo on fire and makes Hiro inhale it until he passes out. Thanks for checking in, boys.

Easiest paycheck ever.

Over at the Company, Meredith is trying to break Flint out, but he's totally fallen in love with his captors. Get over yourself, Patti Hearst. She tells him that he's being tricked and no one's really going to give him a job as an agent or free health care or a free college education. Keep the change, sucka! He's not convinced, but runs away with her anyway. They hop on a train and Meredith promises that they will go to Mexico and get a job at a Chile's because they're everywhere. Uhoh Mr. Thompson is there too. He stuns Meredith and tries to catch Flint, who is not using his powers because the scene would be too short. Meredith wakes up and tries to save him, but Thompson jumps on her and strangles her with his back to Flint, who still doesn't use his powers. Wuss! Instead, he jumps off the train. Way to stick up for the girl, pig! Thompson smacks Meredith around and tells her that he was trying to give her brother a purpose but she turned him into an enemy and a fugitive. She throws a tiny bit of fire at him and the freight train explodes right after they jump. This storyline is f ing stupid. Where's Claire? Where's Nikki? You know it's bad if I'm begging for Nikki.

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Posted in Heroes by Flipit at 4:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: KrispyDixie on Nov 30, 2008 11:40 PM.