This week on Heroes, HRG goes all Mr. Miyagi on Claire, we learn that at ten years old, Hiro was officially retarded, and Sylar gets some ass.
Hi there I'm calling to trade my one facial expression in for something, I dunno, hawter.
"There's a moment in every war when everything changes,
A moment when the road bends,
Alliances and battle lines shift,
Shows you love go insane and start blabbering nonsense,
and you can set your watch to the bombs going off every Monday night,..."
Wait. Where was I? Suresh's monologues are starting to hit too close to home for me. FF. When we open, Papa P is sitting in his office with white eyes drawing pictures of the future. He's evil, so the pictures aren't in vibrant colors like all the other heroes'. His are just in pencil. All the people look the same in these drawings and I can never tell what's going on, but it looks like a terrorist guy is making out with a blonde chick, another blonde chick is bleeding and being carried around by the terrorist guy, who is now wearing glasses, and there's a full page of boobies. That's enough, Papa P!
White eyes can be better than internet porn.
Pinehurst - Elle is showing Sylar how to use his new power. He's having trouble getting it. He had no problem learning how to toss trucks with his fingers or to blow himself up like a nuclear bomb, but ok. He's frustrated because he has to prove himself to...he doesn't want to tell Elle to who. Enter Papa P, who Sylar calls sir. Ding ding ding! Papa wants him to find Claire and bring her back. Elle offers to go along, because let's face it. That Veronica Mars spinoff just isn't gonna happen. Sylar reminds her that she's done being evil and she's all if you're evil I'm evil. Let's make out. Papa tells them that they're a good match. Thanks, Yenta. Then Sylar calls him Daddy and Elle gets a disturbed look on her face. So do I.
Villain Jail - Claire asks Mama P the same question we've been asking for two seasons. "Why is it always me?" Mama P explains that Tim Kring is fresh out of movie plot lines to steal from and believes in recycling. She adds that Nathan and Matt will be bringing back the Haitian and Hiro, respectively. In the mean time, Claire needs to just keep herself hidden so no one tries to kidnap her and use her catalyst juice. Claire's all "but I'm not a girl, not yet a woman!" and Mama's all "You drive me crazy I just can't sleep" and tells her that she needs to stop whining and shut her trap before the world ends. There's an eclipse comin', y'all!
Claire sees the slimy fat dude that controls thoughts and the vet with the golden hand. Wait! I thought he was the one Suresh was experimenting on last week! My bad. I apologize to the vet for assuming the deformed dude was him. Anyhoozle, Mama says that she's not planning on locking Claire up, she's making her spend time with her dad instead. Claire's all "Parents just don't understand" and HRG's all "that should be a rap song."
Why does it always look like Claire's wearing a bad wig?
Primatech - Peter's begging Nathan to take him on his flight to Haiti to find the Haitian. I wonder if the Haitian is called the Haitian when he's in Haiti. I'd imagine that would get mighty confusing. Peter doesn't want to come just for piggy back's sake. There's a war lord slave trader drug dealer bad guy that he wants to take down. Without powers. Or a gun. Or even a popped collar. Nathan says he's just on a simple pick up mission and isn't in the mood to save Haiti. Maybe they could lobby Oprah to open a school there or something. But Peter says that when he found out he had powers he felt that he had also found a purpose for living and just because he's lost them doesn't mean that....then he starts sobbing til boogars fly out of his nose so Nathan agrees to the piggy back and they fly off.
Suresh is digging through the guts of the dead dude he was experimenting on last week, but it's hard for him to concentrate cuz his scaly ass hands hurt.
Dove. Look it up.
Of course, his face is still pristine.
I'm glad you haven't let turning into a lizard get in the way of your facials.
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Comments (5)
"OW my face! I just whale spermed you bastard!"
Very funny indeed. I also especially enjoyed Claire's workout routine. Thanks for the recap flipit, hope your thanksgiving was off the hook.
1 of 5 | Posted by Tadow | Posted on November 28, 2008 4:27 AM
I know this is a fantasy show and they're a little liberal with the whole "Science" thing, but do they really expect us to believe that a full solar eclipse could last an hour and take place in NYC, Kansas, and Haiti at the same time????? The earth is round for chrissake! They pulled this crap in season one, but I didn't care because I had a brilliant plot and decent dialogue to distract me. Now... not so much.
2 of 5 | Posted by themiki | Posted on November 28, 2008 10:36 AM
yeah they seem to have lost all touch with reality.
and thanks tadow!! it's always good to see you. i am trying to catch up on my recaps but i still can't move. turkey and vodka. ouch. happy t!
3 of 5 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 28, 2008 12:36 PM
this. show. sucks.
it's hard to watch. seriously. but GREAT call on the ripping off of lost. it's so true. on the big reveal DUN moment where we see daphne unable to walk, my knee-jerk reaction was, "locke." so whatevs.
would it be possible to kill everyone off except sylar and restart fresh? i stopped watching this crap live last season, but it's about to receive the ultimate indignity: getting canned from my season pass list on my tivo.
4 of 5 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on December 1, 2008 7:54 AM
Oh, dear sweet flip, how'd ya get saddled with this turkey!? Once again, the show kinda whirled on by without too much thought in my head, but seeing it disected here, mmmm, lame . . . . I hate it when I love a new show, and then it sucks donkeys!!!!
Well, I'm with Tadow, too funny, note to self, must find whale sperm! Anything to protect my skin from such scales . . .
I wont even comment on the show, tho, not even Mohinders bum can make me stop hating him and holding the FF while he whines and disects and craves some Maya tang . . . Hiro too, and oh yeah, that piece of wood that plays papa, how is it that Mama Patrelli and Claire's Mom are two of the finest actresses I've seen on these types of shows, and he is one of the worst I have ever seen, ever . . . more Momma's!!!!
5 of 5 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on December 3, 2008 4:18 PM