This week on Heroes, Claire's Pirate Mom hijacks a Yemeni cargo ship.
ARGH!
Before we begin with tonight's episode, I have to say that no matter how low this show goes, no matter how shitty it gets, no matter how frustrated and betrayed we as loyal viewers might feel now and in the future, we will always have this pic to get us through the rough times, and for that I have to thank the geniuses behind Heroes.
So I take it you've discovered Ron Jeremy's powers.
Or, Longest Most Painful Eclipse Ever
No opening monologue today? RIP OFF! I have really come to look forward to those. Every time I hear the poetry goo out of Suresh's mouth, I imagine Maya Angelou sitting at home feeling like she's been kicked in the nuts.
We open in the jungle, with the Haitian trying as best he can to run from Peter's really, super, way bad acting. He can't. He's like dammit why are you in the jungle anyways man? This is my evil brother not yours. And Peter's all, well yeah but I have to know that I can still be a hero without my powers. Somehow, this touches the Haitian. He pats Peter on the head and gently says "oh, Peter. You're so pretty." Then they keep running.
Claire's mom has taken her to the emergency room. Oh wah. I am so sure Claire's gonna die. Know how I know she won't? BECAUSE I SAW ALL OF THIS IN THE FIRST EPISODE OF SEASON ONE. The ER doc asks how long ago she was shot and mom says it just happened. The doc doesn't buy it, because a normal body would have built up some kind of resistance to infection, and Claire's a mess for having a shoulder wound. Mom asks if they can work on her Bell's Palsey since they're there anyways, and the doc's like half your face doesn't move and you're just gonna have to learn to be ok with that.
Which side of you should I be talking to? I'm feeling uncomfortable.
In the abandoned house where Claire got shot in the shoulder, Sylar and Elle have just done it on the floor. If anyone's wondering, Elle's a top. Same as Veronica Mars. Come on, Kristen! Stretch a bit! They're making out and grossing me out and Elle says that she hopes this whole loss of power thing is permanent so Sy'll just be a regular guy with creepy eyebrows instead of a creepy serial killer with caterpillar face. She's about to fish the Orbit out of his mouth with her tongue when a red dot appears on his forehead.
Too little too late, HRG. She screams and they run while Sylar tries to get his underoos on. HRG shoots Elle in the butt, which is kinda awesome, but why has no one on this show learned to make a head shot? He chases them into the alley, where they hide in a junk yard. Poor guy with the black hole hands lived in a seriously fucked up neighborhood. A junk yard behind your house. That's just sad. HRG screams that he hopes they're scared, just like Claire was. Then he growls "this ends today." With the way this shit's playing out, it just might. NBC's just gonna put Deal or No Deal on 24 hours a day. And who would blame them?
Yay! Time for the Beverly D'Angelo webisode plug.
Let's go on a European Vacation!
I will thwart your Vacation! I have Chevy Chase trapped in this ball!
Dang Illeana Douglas! You'll take any job you can get.
Mom do my eyebrows look ok? I totally have to go save Chevy Chase or Beverly D'Angelo's gonna be pissed.
Congrats, Kring. I don't think you've stolen from The Matrix yet. Good one!
Chevy Chase? I should never have saved you from the ball! Ay Corumba!
THE END
Back in the jungle, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy has thrown Nathan into a jail cell that looks like the Tiki Room at Disneyland, where two dirty girls are also held captive. Nathan pulls out his best French. "Bonjour. Je suis Nathan. J'aime frites et de la fierté arcs-en-ciel. Nous allons déjeuner." Uh, Nathan? You just told them that you like French Fries and pride rainbows. Dumbass. The girls are scared. As they should be. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy comes in and acts all evil.
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Comments (3)
had to republish due to some pic malfunctioning. here is dr jerkass' glorious comment.
dr. jerkass:
My biggest problem with this show is that at the end of every episode, when you ask yourself 'what did we learn about the story?' the answer is usually not much.
In this one we learned that the eclipse can take away their powers, but then they come back, so it barely matters. We learned that Nathan wants to support the plan for a clone army (whoops, I mean specials army), buy we already knew that would happen because we can see the future. We learned that even though Sylar is evil, he's not so bad, no wait, he's evil, no wait...
Anyway, the point is that they just keep going over the same 2 or 3 plots they have actually figured out and beating us over the head with them like we're the semi-retarted Japanese 10 year old.
All that said, my favorite thing about this show is your recaps. And as much as I want the show to get good again, the worse it gets, the funnier the recap.
1 of 3 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on December 4, 2008 11:47 AM
Flipit you are hilarious. I've been sitting on my sofa in Kent, England, cackling away to myself at your take on this ep.
Great work!!!
:D
2 of 3 | Posted by quannoi | Posted on December 9, 2008 1:27 PM
thanks! i'm glad to know someone out there is still holding out hope for this damn show! xo
3 of 3 | Posted by flipit | Posted on December 9, 2008 6:24 PM