Last week was a pretty good episode (comparatively), so I came into this week hoping that Heroes was starting to take itself seriously again. Then the hour began with Hiro and Parkman rapping.

We're in for a shitstorm.

HEY! Sylar's doing the opening monologue today. What gives? I miss Suresh's smooky silk cfm voice. My bet is that Suresh refused because the producers forced him to put scales on his pretty pretty face. I hope they learned their lesson, because Sylar is good at a lot of things but bringing the cheese value needed to deliver a deep meaningful Heroes monologue isn't one of them.

"On the sixth day,
God created man and Big Macs.
Now it's up to us to figure it all out and count our points.
Right, wrong,
Good, evil,
Stretch marks and spanx or tight abdominals and summer nakedness.
In the end, good, evil, right, wrong, hideously fat or hideously thin,
What we choose is never what we really need
You can be bad and be rich, you can be good and get struck down in a crosswalk by a school bus.
You can lose all the weight you want to, but you are still stuck with baldness and giant ears.

For that is the ultimate cosmic joke.
The real gift that God has left behind."

Damn, Sylar. Try a little positivity next time. I want to throw myself onto the 101. We open in Pinehurst with Papa P dead on the floor. Nathan comes in and finds Peter slumped over their dad doing his best to act. As usual, it's tough to decipher what emotion he's going for.

I hope I get home in time to catch the Charlie Brown Christmas. That Lucy's a card.

Nathan tells him that it doesn't matter that dad's dead because he believes in his plan and has a team of people injecting soldiers with powers as they speak. Peter raises the gun to his brother, but Nathan tells him that they both know Peter couldn't even commit suicide with the gun down his own throat. He'd shoot crooked and lose a toe or something. "It's time to choose a side, Peter. You're either with me..." He almost finishes with "or you're against me" but then he remembers how well that worked out in the long term for our current President, who just got shoes thrown at his head by a smart ass reporter in Iraq. Instead, he just squints and asks for the gun. Since Peter's a pickled pepper pussy, he cracks and hands the gun over. Then he punches Nathan instead and vows to stop him. So stop him, then. SHOOT! No? Fine. No one on this show ever learns their lesson.

At Primatech, HRG, Mama P, Meredith and Claire take rifles from the Ptech stock and plan to go over to Pinehurst to stop the formula from getting out. On their way towards the front door, they find a dead security guard. Ruh roh. Sylar is watching them from the room with all the security monitors, and he closes all of the emergency gates and locks them in the medical ward. What is this, Clue the Movie? Now we're gonna find out they're all being blackmailed and have to kill Wadsworth before he squeals to the coppers.

This show could use a dose of Madeline Khan, God bless her.

Sylar comes over the loudspeaker and tells them that he killed Papa P. Then violins start playing as he blahblahs about how no one likes him and they all think he's a monster but it's their fault he's this way! Oh wah. Every killer is just so f ing damaged. You wanted more love in your childhood? Then you shouldn't have been such a DISAPPOINTMENT, LOSER! Sylar is really giving his evil all in this scene, even going so far as delivering one of his lines in a country accent, and no I'm not kidding.

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Posted in Heroes by Flipit at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: publick skool boy on Dec 16, 2008 09:50 PM.