We open on a desert scene with the comic-booky title telling us that this is Volume 5: Redemption. They snuck in two volumes last season, because it took two to recover from the hot mess that was the writer's strike. And I use "recover" loosely. In the desert, a group of extras from True Blood are standing around a hole in the ground throwing a funeral. Their leader is... well, let's just say Tim Kring is a couple of seasons behind in stealing ideas from Lost. Basically, this is his answer to the Others and the mysterious guyliner-sporting Richard Alpert. This dude doesn't have Alpert's baby face, but he has black-painted nails and a vaguely Irish accent, so take that, Darlton! And he has Greg House with him.

I'll miss you too, House, but stay in your own show, k?

The dead guy's name was Joseph. He was the brother of the boss, who undoubtedly has some other Biblical name, because Bible shoutouts are also on Kring's list of things swiped from Lost. But hold up! Don't we always start a Heroes episode with some flashbacks and a lecture from Mohinder? Well, we don't have a Mohologue tonight, but we do have a dude with a hot accent, saying kinda philosophical things, so let's use that. While he talks, the funeral fades into the typical opening montage. Most of it is money shots from when Heroes was cool: Peter's flying dream, Claire's high-dive off the oil rig, Sylar being evil, Hiro going Yatta, Nathan flying. There's also the Tracysicle from last season. Here's something new: Claire showing up at college with a cardboard box full of stuffed Claire Bears. The Bennet family can afford a new Nissan every year, but send their daughter off to college by herself without so much as a U-Haul. And really, who walks across campus carrying their stuff? That's what parents are for, amirite?

Back at the funeral, Richard Alpert throws John Locke's compass into the hole. Yes, really. The cast of Twilight watches as he magicks the dirt on top of the coffin.

Speaking of Twilight, I was at the bookstore the other day and this? Is just shameless.

If you couldn't tell by the misfit-y costumes, these people are special. They do a slow march back to what looks like a traveling carnival. Then comes the Heroes eyeclipse title card.

See you in anotha life, brotha.

Arlington, VA

Claire has finally made it up the stairs with her box. Her new roommate comes in right on cue, talking a mile a minute. She meant to friend Claire on Facebook but her profile was private. I don't know why she didn't go to Claire's MySpace page instead. Then again, she hasn't updated it since Season 1. Get on the ball, interns! The roomie wants to know how Claire got into this school with just a GED. That's right, Claire didn't have time to graduate because she dropped out of high school but because she was busy moving around, running from the government and working in comic book shops and stuff. Psycho Roomie is shocked that Claire has no plan for the future, having no way to know that Claire has seen her future change like 10 times already. But what if Heroes is canceled after this season? "How are you going to find your future without a map?" she says, pointing to a big poster over her bed. I swear, Tim, if she starts stringing colored yarn all over the room, I am OUT. But no, it's just a timeline of her goals.

If you look closely you can see that she plans to try out for The Bachelor in 5 years.

She offers to help Claire make her own map. Claire is so excited she can't contain herself and they make out. Kidding! Experimentation is not on the map.

Tokyo

« Design Star: Purple Reign | Main | Dancing With The Stars: Fruit Bar »

Posted in Heroes by Copyhacker at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: juddfan on Sep 29, 2009 10:36 AM.