Testimonials

There's the quest. Hiro wants to be a hero, so duh, reverse psychology works. He flails around looking for a button to the safe, which is above ground and incredibly conspicuous. Hiro babbles that he doesn't want to go back to being nobody. He shuffles some paper on the desks, and inside a lacquered Asian-looking box, he finds a wireless remote. EASY. The button slides the safe's cabinet doors open, and a finger swipe identification panel makes it easy for Hiro and Ando to grab the manila envelope inside.

Eureka, Disc 2 in the DVD series "Kaito's Greatest Yo' Mama jokes."

"I asked you not to open the safe, son." Safe FAIL. Kaito tells Hiro that what he possesses is half of a very important formula, and that if it falls into the wrong hands, there is only one hope. Well, duh, Luke Skywalker. Also, someone who possesses the "light" to combat darkness, a chosen one who carries the purity of blood. It's totally Skywalker. Or Harry Potter with his Patronus.

Anywho, what's inside is a formula in a plastic sleeve. It looks like AP Chemistry homework I copied off of a friend in 2000, but more messily written. All hydrogen bonds and benzene rings or something. OH this, OH that, yada yada yada...Hiro wishes he had paid more attention in Chem too. Sounds like Hiro daydreamed during cram school. The plastic sleeve is abruptly ripped out of Hiro's hand by a red, white, and clear blur. Hiro and Ando are stunned, but Hiro quickly puts on his most constipated face to stop time. The special effects team blew their wad on the following effect, where the "dust" left in the wake of this super-fast character looks like a fluid tube, as though the time tunnel from Bill and Ted's excellent adventure is suspended in a solution. Just gonna say it now, it's my favorite part of Episode 1.

Hiro follows the literal trail out into the main office area, flowers hover in mid-air, papers are about to flutter everywhere, and people are frozen mid-motion. The trail dissipates once he gets to the speedster, whose name is unknown. She looks like the kinda gal who'd be a bike courier in NYC with bleached blonde pixie cut, red button down, and a sassy vibe to her. Looks like Hiro can't freeze her completely, either, because she starts talking to him and is totally in control of the situation. She taunts Hiro a bit for not being as fast as her, asks him a time zone math question, and then punches him in the face. As he's flung back by her fist, all of the papers go everywhere in the office, which is also great. And then Hipster Speedster runs off with half of the formula.

Dang girl. Run to a Fantastic Sam's as fast as you can.

Present Day: Costa Verde, Casa de Bennet

Standing in the doorframe of Claire's bedroom, Sylar explains it all. It's the antithesis of anything Melissa Joan Hart would've ever done. Like, seriously, I would've preferred he come through Claire's window on a ladder, just for the lulz:

Why can't you look me in the eye? Stop looking at my eyebrows. STOP. Take me seriously come ooooon!

"Hello, Claire. I bet you're wondering where I am. Spent a little time south of the border (dirrrty!) and got sidetracked, but that's all behind me (double dirrrty!) now like a long night after a bad taco (triple x and tequila, baby!)."

Wow. That sums up everything that happened with the illegal, annoying DunderTwins and Murder™ by Maybelline™ so accurately. Only Maya's totally a dunderhead somewhere with Mohinder. We can't have everything in this world.

You know what happens next. Claire runs around the house in a low-cut v-neck sweater after trying to club Sylar with a cheerleading trophy and it gets very Scream plus every bad scary movie you've ever seen. Including Scary Movie, which was meta-bad. Sylar takes his sweet time toying with her, closing all the shutters, locking all the doors, killing the lights and telephone line, sweeping past her like Voldemort wearing Heelys. The scene is mega-creepy crawly in that uncomfortable after-school special way, which is why Zachary Quinto's salary is totally justified.

Wait. HOW much do you make?!?

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Posted in Heroes by T.Vo at 12:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: juddfan on Oct 1, 2008 10:47 AM.