I don't mean to club a dead horse with a baby seal, but the writer's strike on Heroes started earlier than other shows. I want to believe in the series despite its acute case of sophomore slump, so here's some good news: This week's title sequence is remarkable, with the graphics expanding to match the movement of Claire's pillow, and the rest should restore some hope.

White Beard's Camp
Apparently you can't stop time with your nose stuck in a pot of opium fumes. Kensei has quickly regressed to his default asshole self, turning on Yaeko, her dad, and Hiro. Yaeko pleads with Kensei, but he is a stubborn pig (who has fortunately shaved his neckbeard). Also, his Japanese pronunciation is still atrocious.

Kensei displays his greed as he brags that he won half of the country in a rousing game of Monopoly with White Beard. Yaeko insists she loves Hiro, which is clearly the wrong answer, lady. You should pretend you love Kensei so that he lets your loved ones escape. You would've made a terrible Mata Hari.

Puff puff give, yo.

"I will change history!" yells Kensei. Sure. Whatever. The swordsmith regrets that he made the weapons, but has no idea that in the future, video games will be blamed as the root of violent behavior in children. Guns don't kill people, video games kill people. White Beard will conquer Japan, he frets. And by White Beard, could that mean Linderman, collector of Kensei-era artifacts, or is that too obvious? Yaeko is determined to get them out of this, saying "They have always underestimated women. That is their folly," she fumes, picking her lock with a giant toothpick. She picks it faster than McGuyver, demonstrating her character's only useful skill for the first - and last - time.

Hiro is spaced out, and starts humming "Purple Haze." Unfortunately, the drug doesn't affect him the same way it does poets like Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who wrote "Kubla Khan" due to an opium-induced hallucination. Yaeko urges Hiro to use his powers, but he's hazier than Cheech and Chong. She slaps him silly. Just as the negligent guard returns to check in on the prisoners, Hiro is able to contort his face into his classic constipated time-traveling expression. They disappear right as a lazy guard checks in on them.

I don't know, I see unicorns and cupcakes.

Question: Can Hiro now teleport people he's not touching directly? 'Cause I have no idea if he rescued the swordsmith as well. The swordsmith doesn't show up in the rest of the Hiroland scenes, and Yaeko doesn't make a fuss about her father for the time ever in the history of her character...so I'm going to assume Tim Kring couldn't pay the actor for a full day's work.

On the hill above the camp, White Beard's army is planning to march. Hiro plans to destroy the guns. He rationalizes that Kensei is being a tard on the outside but convinces himself Kensei is good deep down. Not knowing what else to do, Hiro sends Kensei an apologetic e-card:

He asks Yaeko to meet him under the cherry blossoms. Last time I checked, the cherry blossom season is ridiculously short - like a week. There's no way the blossoms have been falling continuously for that long. Then again, they've violated laws of thermodynamics repeatedly on this show.

Hiro could just freeze time and take care of business instead of creeping around all furtively in the camp, but we can't expect that kind of common sense from our heroes. In the weapons tent, Hiro sprinkles gunpowder all around in preparation for the pyrotechnics showdown. Of course, Kensei shows up in full samurai mask regalia and they try to hug it out. Unfortunately, Kensei can't get over the betrayal (abandonment issues?) and a knife fight ensues, mirroring the Isaac Mendez painting of their battle. Predictably, a lantern falls onto the hay-strewn floor right next to the gunpowder and weapons. Whatever will happen next?

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Posted in Heroes by T.Vo | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: mattypopo on Nov 9, 2007 03:00 PM.