Testimonials

Bob is back! Mama Bennet has a gun aimed at his head, and it's nice to see her character
being more pro-active these days. Bob offers the Bennet family an urn filled with HRG's
"remains." More like coffee grounds transferred from a Folger's can. However, Claire
and Co. don't know that Bennet is now a Company Zombie. Bob says he's honoring
Bennet's final wishes, to let Claire live a normal life in peace. You know, until they need
more of her blood. The entire Bennet family looks ready to attack Bob, and I kind of
would enjoy seeing each of them attack a limb.

Angry and determined, Mama Bennet declares they are moving away now. Emotard
invites himself along. Bob gets in his car, where Elle is waiting. He tells his daughter the
next 24 hours are critical, and that they need to ask themselves what Jack Bauer would
do. Elle scratches at her cast and complains about being shot. "I thought my little girl was
tough," says Bob. So much for "get well soon" cupcakes and kisses. He tells her to
monitor Claire.

"None of this would've happened if you had lowered your guard," chastises Bob,
blaming Elle and telling her to accept responsibility to regain his trust. He reminds me of
my high school band director, who was all about "Results not excuses!" It's a little
fucked up since he put his own daughter up to this business, and I imagine Bennet's
words to Elle about her Bob are stinging right about now. I'm hoping for an Elle-Bennet
alliance next week, what do you think? She's like his bizarro Company world daughter,
after all.

Inside the house, Claire is packing up and has a mini monologue that Hamlet would laugh
at. She rails against the world because her emotional pain outweighs all the physical pain
her stunts have brought her. Emotard tries to comfort her with a massage, and doesn't try
distract her with "I love you." Pulling the Haitian windchimes out of a box, Claire vows
to forget the pain of losing her father. Even Emotard thinks the windchimes are tacky.
With a little dialogue borrowed from Lifetime, he convinces Claire that
forgetting is not the answer. Lots of sex and drugs are the answer. Or revenge, that works
too.

"Date My Mom: My Dad Just Died" failed as a spin- off.

At the beach frequented by many MTV reality shows, as pointed out by attentive readers, Claire prepares to release her father's ashes into the ocean. Not sure if that was in his final wishes, but whatevs. She apologizes for her selfishness and for disobeying her dad (who was totally right). Fortunately, the wind is blowing in the right direction so she doesn't pull a Big Lebowski with the cremains. It's probably cat litter, anyway. She returns to her mom, Lyle, Mr. Muggles, and Emotard. Her mom mutters something about Salt Lake. Perhaps they are planning to hide amongst all the Mormons.

Dum dud um dum dum. Claire is trying to say goodbye to Emotard when she notices a familiar black car in the distance. It's Elle, and she's sippin' on gin and juice disguised as a Slurpee. Her right hand is useless, and she can't get the key in the ignition fast enough. Claire runs over to confront her blonde doppelganger, and yes, the cat fight of your dreams ensues. Sort of. Claire chokes Elle and slams her against the car, calling her a liar. Emotard steps in to intervene and encourage them to hug. "Watch who you're shoving, Pom Pom," snarls Elle. Heh.

This Pom Pom won't take nothin' from nobody.

Claire vows to expose Elle and The Company for murdering Bennet, and Elle says bring it on. There's no proof, she says. Claire says she'll just have to show them, whatever that means, punching the driver's side window and shattering the glass. Claire reasons that once the secret's out, they won't be able to touch her or her family. Usually, the general public is scared of people who are different from them. Remember the Salem witchhunts, Claire? Oh wait, you don't go to class. Right, our homeland security department will protect Claire and fellow heroes, given the current state of our administration. Ask me after the 2008 election. "You'll be the ones running," says Claire, ending her Ph.D-worthy thesis on "How I took The Company down and Made Millions with Google."

Welcome to the O.C., bitch.

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Posted in Heroes by T.Vo at 12:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: User Name on Dec 1, 2007 08:01 AM.