Well, here we are at the end of the season. Quite possibly the end of the series, depending on which rumors you believe. I don't know about you, but I have a few questions I want answers to:

Who's gonna die? PLEASEgretchenPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

Will Peter get his whole power back?

Will we ever see Charlie again?

Does anyone still care?

Hey, the "Previously on Heroes" voice is T-Sam tonight. That's kind of interesting. The previously clips are about 68% Charlie, so I bet they'll try to squeeze her in somehow. It's gonna be a full plate tonight. Let's do this.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: The Shark's Out Of The Closet" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 7:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tonight on Heroes: Copyhacker returned from the Trial of the Century! OK, well, it probably wouldn't even make the late-night Court TV reruns, but it was enough to lock me inside a tiny jury room for a week, AWOL for recap duty, with 12 strangers and burnt coffee that smelled vaguely of mold and styrofoam. But hey, during the few hours I was free, I got to watch Heroes! So what happened this week? Well, before I answer that, Your Honor, let me take you back to last week, or, as I call it, the Lost Episode...

***DIDDLY FLASHBACK MUSIC***

Samuel went from zero to hero among the carnies by staging a shootout and blaming it all on HRG. Everyone and their brother showed up there, right on time to see HRG get dragged in quite theatrically by Copy Boy. Oh, and Lydia bought the farm. One guest star down. Too bad it wasn't Gretchen, but there are still two episodes left. Sylar went out to LA (he can still fly, I think?) and begged Matt to take away his powers. I don't know that it's still begging if you threaten the guy's wife, but anyway. Matt agreed, but after taking away his powers, he used his Papa Parkman power and locked Sylar up alone in his head. Then he started to brick him up in his basement...

Edgar Allan Poe much?

...but Peter showed up to haul Sylar off to help rescue Emma from the carnival. One thing led to another, and now Peter is stuck in Sylar's head with Sylar, which pretty much hoses everything.

Which brings us to last night's Episode, entitled The Wall. Maybe it's The Wall in Parkman's basement. Maybe Claire don't need no education. Who knows. Anyway. On to the action! Peter is now stuck inside the Matrix in Sylar's head...

But does he know kung fu?

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Couple's Retreat" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

OK, everyone, we've got a good episode coming up. I can feel it. Also, I saw someone tweet about it on Facebook before I had a chance to watch it on TiVO. Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from superpowers when it comes to writing recaps.

And the first scene of this episode which I just promised will be great is... Retchin. In the words of Charlie Brown, AAAAAUUUGH.

Strike one, right out of the gate. Uh-oh.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Too Soon!" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Here's something new. This week's Mohologue goes to HRG. He's musing about-what else-Claire, with a little reflection on man's inhumanity to man thrown in. I'm all for monologue gender equality, BTW. I think Ma Petrelli could knock an opening monologue out of the park.

HRG takes a break from the introspection to help Lauren snoop through Samuel's past. Since that whole subplot with Edgar last week went absolutely nowhere, they need someone, anyone to lead them to the carnival. They've run out of friends and family and are looking through a list of Samuel's former mailmen and people he may have stood in line next to at the DMV. Lauren suggests he might want to focus his attention on the one person he knows can get them to the carnival; namely, his daughter. HRG starts to snap at her, but realizes he hasn't gotten any play yet, and backs off. And then... what's this? Someone who grew up in the New York mansion where his parents worked? And her name: you guessed it, Vanessa. She lives in California, but what's a measly few thousand miles when you have a magic teleporting carnival? HRG dials her up, sounding not at all creepy or suspicious. She claims she doesn't know any Samuel and hangs up. Hey, maybe he could get her to talk if if he just showed up at her door instead of cold calling. Well, it worked for Samuel last week.

This is the same woman? Not seeing the resemblance.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Three Broke Out Of The Cuckoo's Nest" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

86 Hours Ago...

This guy was much handsomer.

The first question I have is, why 86? Are they trying to come up with their own Lostian mysterious numbers? 86 is a good choice, since we're 86 Nathan now and might be 86 Heroes before much longer. It's also roughly the number of hours behind I am in my recaps. How many days is 86 hours? That's three days plus 14 hours. Is it still Thanksgiving weekend in Heroes-land or did we just skip over the holidays?

So. 86 hours ago. Peter stands on a dark road somewhere outside of New York.

WAY outside of New York City.

HRG gets out of the car. "I want to see him," Peter says, which means-yep, it's Nathan's body in the trunk. The one they kept in the freezer for just such an occasion. HRG says the plane's ready, which I assume is the one they crashed to fake Nathan's death.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Damn The Plot Holes" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 1:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hey guys! Everyone recovered from the holidays? I must confess it's taking me a little longer than usual to get moving again. Between football and my wedding anniversary this week, half my brain is still in vacation mode. So guess what? Until the rest of my brain gets back, you'll have to make do with half a recap. Not to worry, Heroes is a doubleheader this week, so you're still getting your money's worth. If I'm doing the math right.

The first episode's title is "Upon This Rock". This comes from the Bible, of course. Everything is either from X-Men or the Bible. Jesus is saying about Peter "upon this rock I will build my church." The rock is Peter, because Peter means rock, and jeez, am I Comic Book Lecturing already? We just got started! That said, the references are all mixed up here. Samuel is building a church, sort of, and he needs one specific person for his plan to work out... but that person is NOT Peter. You'd think Peter would figure in somewhere, but he doesn't even show up until the last scene. There is an actual rock, which Samuel gets water out of-but that's a reference to Moses, not Jesus or Peter. Does any of this matter? Probably not. The important thing is it makes Heroes look like the kind of brainy show that we all wish it was. But I've gotten way ahead of myself. Let's begin at the beginning.

First up are a bunch of clips to get you back up to speed on the season so far. The most important thing is... the Mohologue is back! That's right, that voice droning on about memories, or irony, or whatever this week's topic is, belongs to our pal Mohinder. Welcome back, buddy. Hope you're enjoying your brief trip out of Kring's doghouse.

Love the boots.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Geek Soup" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

So my Vegas hangover/jet lag is nowhere near gone, but it's past time to make the recaps. I know you guys are patient and long-suffering-you watch Heroes, right?-so I won't make you wait any longer. Tonight's Heroes is called "The Fifth Stage". Since Sylar mentioned it a couple episodes ago, I'm going to guess we're talking about the fifth stage of grief, which is acceptance. The title card is all black, and just to beat the point into the ground, there was also an episode titled "Acceptance" way back in October.

As in, I accept that the awesomeness of Season 1 is dead and gone, never to return.

Lydia walks her inky legs right over to T-Sam to confront him with the truth. Well, just a little. She has her daughter's safety to think of, so she's not going to rock the boat. And that's all she has to say about that. What happened to "We have to stop him" last episode? I guess that was before Edgar split and left her holding the bag? Speaking of Edgar, T-Sam needs a new sidekick. The new candidate looks vaguely like John C. Reilly.

OK maybe not. But he's in everything else, I just had to check.

Samuel wants John C. Reilly's little brother to be his new Number Two. This makes sense, because his power is being in two places at once. Or more. Although they're running out of effects budget, so only one of them can be on screen at the same time. T-Sam wants the new guy to go steal HRG's Primatech files so they can assimilate more supers into the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Rearranging Deck Chairs On The Titanic" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 1:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Welcome to the holidays, y'all! I think the last couple of weeks of November are my favorite time of the year for TV. Sweeps are almost over, and the Super Dramatic Action Episodes give way to the lets-just-have-fun-cuz-no-ones-watching episodes. It's like dessert after the big meal. If the preview is any indication, this week's episode may bring us some action turkey and some pumpkin pie fun to chase it down. Grab your forks and let's dig in!

I'm ready for something Very Special.

Samuel's watching Pa Suresh's film projected on the ugly wallpaper inside his trailer. Robert Knepper is doing his best Evil Genius impersonation. I bet Michael Emerson calls him up all the time to gloat about winning the Best Bad Guy Emmy last year. Wannaben Linus is interrupted by Hiro banging on the trailer door bugging him about Charlie for the 14th time. T-Sam turns off the crazy like a light switch and tells Hiro to take a hike. Hiro puts a hand on T-Sam's shoulder, which is probably as close to throwing a punch as a guy like Hiro can get. T-Sam calls Hiro's bluff and sends him off to set the table with the womenfolk.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Who Wants Cake?" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Previously on Heroes: Remember me? I used to do long voiceovers about destiny at the beginning of every episode. Now I just do the "Previously on Heroes" bit. Ever since I made the mistake of shaving my stubble off that one time, I've been trying to work my way out of Kring's doghouse. He told me I could at least be in a flashback this week, so yeah, I guess it's going ok. My name is Mohinder Suresh.

Miss me?

The carnies are picking up cans off the street, ostensibly because Samuel feels like being green, but probably just to make a little scratch on the side. T-Sam explains to Hiro, still rocking his Knight Rider shirt, that he needs Hiro to go back 8 weeks and find Mohinder. Not to save his life, because that would piss off half the audience. Just to grab an old film before Mohinder can destroy it.

So just what has our favorite stubbly Indian scientist been up to all season? To find out, we flash back to nine weeks ago. Mohinder's in India tutoring on plate tectonics. I thought he was a biologist? Are us dumb Yanks not supposed to know the difference? Mo has got himself a woman, one with a proper Indian accent, not his stuffy British one. She frowns disapprovingly at the cardboard box of Suresh Senior's stuff that he dug up in the New Mexico desert. She wants him to throw it away, and so far no amount of tail she's offered up has done the trick. He puts up a pitiful fight ("it's just hard to let go") and then drops the box in a convenient trash-can sized to fit just right.

Now where's that tail you promised?

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Good Artists Borrow, Bad Ones Steal From Lost" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 1:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This week on Heroes: all the people who took last week off are back. Last week: Hiro and HRG and Samuel and Sylar. This week: Claire and Peter... and HRG and Samuel and Sylar. Never mind. I thought I had something there but I guess not. Maybe it'll come back to me. Let us return to Scooby-Doo and the Case of the Invisible Sorority Killer. Shag and Scoob just saw Daphne Claire heal up after being impaled on a meathook and are naturally a bit freaked. You must be tripping, is Claire's response. No really. She says she just had a hallucination, so Becky must have slipped something in their Dasani. Is there any drug you can put in water that doesn't change the taste? Probably not, but we're dealing with sorority girls here. Velma Gretchen pipes up and says she saw Shaggy and Scooby making out. And when you call them Shaggy and Scooby it sounds a lot grosser than two sorority girls making out would actually be. And just like that, the cat goes back in the bag.

Which sounds a lot naughtier than "Claire's secret is still safe". On second thought, maybe not.

BO-ring. One day, Heroes. One day there will be too many memories to erase and the secret will be out. That's the episode I can't wait to see. Claire is ready to wash her hands of this mess, but Gretchen is taking all this a lot more seriously now that it's her life in danger. Run, Retchin. Run away and never come back.

Continue reading "Heroes: Heroes: Planes, Trains and Automobiles" »

Posted by Copyhacker at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)