Paula decides to take this advice, because really what choice does she have? There's no saving a forest once it's already burnt to the ground. All you can do is plant new seeds and wait 20 years. And so, she's off to LA for the gifting suite. This is where designers bestow free jewels, clothing, and other products on celebrities in exchange for publicity. She's nervous, because after the past week, she doesn't know that anyone wants her name attached to their products. Aw, Paula. Versace has a diamond encrusted pill case somewhere in his repertois, I'm sure. She bucks up and goes despite her insecurity, which is astoundingly brave. You're gonna raise your head high and accept as much free crap as you can. I smell a HERO!
Soldier on, Braveheart.
There's no sadness a $300,000 ring can't cure. Jewels are bestowed on her despite her recent troubles, proving that no publicity is bad. The only snag she hits is when she wants a really hideous beaded top that she is told is on hold. Oh, hell no. There isn't a tag on it! Who's it being held for? "Someone bigger than me?!?" The designer smiles and tries not to punch her in the face. She stands wobbily firm. She's not leaving without it. "No taggy, no holdy!" Oh, Paula. Not only does she look like a spoiled brat, she made an Asian joke. Winning the people over, one race at a time.
As they pack the car, Cojo suggests Range Rover come out with a special edition extra large trunk for rich people. Ew! They should also come out with a special edition extra large back seat for rich people's stylist's huge asses. Paula doesn't have money to tip the driver, so Cojo hands over some cash. HAHAHA. He's so not getting that back.
Paula pats herself on the back for doing such a good job at this appearance. Seriously. Now she's headed for Vegas to accept her Woman of the Year Award, and she has to...take a deep breath, talk to the media! She's worried, and I'm so excited I can barely hold in my peepee. Does your back hurt, P? Maybe you should pop a Vicy.
Ruh Roh. They haven't even had an ounce of fun in Vegas yet and already Publicist Guy finds out a mag in LA is about to run an article that he had no knowledge of. Shocker. It quotes Paula as saying "I've never had a drink", which is a misquote. She is fuming, and gets the editor on the phone. "I never said I never had a drink! I said I didn't have sexual relations with that woman!" She threatens that if they don't get her quote right, she's coming after them. Damn. Threats are a great way to get the press on your side. Dumbass. Next, you should make the press line wait an hour for you so you don't have to answer any questions. Totally took my advice!!
I do my best thinking from the floor, too. BFF!
She refuses to come out of her dressing room to greet the reporters until the last second, and when she does emerge, it's with a fresh bottle of Stank. She rubs it all over everyone who crosses her path and tells them how great it smells. No one agrees, but no one slaps her hand away either. She's like the Costco lady who gets stuck with pigs in a blanket every day. No one goes crazy for her tray, but who's gonna pass up free weenies?
Finally, she gets outside, where the press line awaits. At first, she is too nervous to stand still, so she just turns in circles. I'm not kidding. She just keeps turning. She's wearing the same dress from the Grammys, which is pretty lame since she just made out with thousands of dollars worth of free clothes at the gift suite. This dress is like jeans are to a normal person. You get at least five wears before you have to do laundry. I wonder how that dress smells. You know her staff didn't get it dry cleaned. Old Stank and stale ass is my guess. Tomorrow's Press: She came out an hour late, spun around in circles, and stank like ass and...well, Stank. Nice work.
The first reporter asks her if she's been treated unfairly in the press and she says "No, no! I'm not gonna....I've been a target. Get over it, ya know?" Oooh. Bad answer. Did anyone prep her? Like I have to ask.
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Comments (6)
This show is so fantastically fucked up, I can't contain myself. The entire time I'm watching this crapfest, I'm thinking how wonderfully you will recap it!!! Oh Paula, you tired little, creative non-recreational drug user you. That publicist needs a raise, or an award.
1 of 6 | Posted by may1
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Posted on July 11, 2007 8:22 AM
Best train wreck EVER! Paula must be totally delusional even when she's not on one med or another. Wow! There's so much rich ore to mine on this show, you're going to have your salary doubled!
2 of 6 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on July 11, 2007 10:22 AM
Fantastic recap Flipit, as usual. My favourite part is that Paula somehow managed to summon up her last reserves of courage to go out and grab a whole bunch of expensive free crap. What a martyr! Will her suffering and giving never end? Hey Darfur refugees, stop your whining and spare a thought for poor Paula.
3 of 6 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on July 11, 2007 10:36 AM
New drinking game: everytime Paula says "I'm so tired", you do a shot. In less than half an hour, you'll be drunk and acting as stupidly as Paula does.
4 of 6 | Posted by murphena
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Posted on July 12, 2007 8:23 PM
New drinking game: everytime Paula says "I'm so tired", you do a shot. In less than half an hour, you'll be drunk and acting as stupidly as Paula does.
5 of 6 | Posted by murphena
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Posted on July 12, 2007 8:24 PM
yes!!! perfect game. but she doesn't drink, so maybe we should change it to every time she says she's tired we pop some kind of pill. anyone know a good online pharmacist?
6 of 6 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on July 13, 2007 11:20 AM