Next, she demands a do over because she had been standing under a blazing heat lamp and her face was melting off. She tries to widdle one reporter's time down to five minutes instead of seven, but the girl answers "Uh-uh! I've been standing out here for over an hour!" LOL, way to stand up for yourself, kid. Seven minutes it is. But it's coooold!!! Publicist guy snarks "Oh, now we're cold." Who's side are you on, biatch?
Paula turns to him and says she can't be late for her award and he points at his watch and makes her turn back around. Uh, hello. That was a signal. Girl Reporter asks Paula if she's crazy. LOL again, Reporter Girl! This bitch doesn't mess around. Paula says she never claimed not to be crazy. She has to be crazy to be on the re...cip..recipt...recipe...rhinoplasty...reincarnation...rialta..reci...recrecrecrec....recieving end of Simon's pokes. Just so she gets it, Paula pokes Reporter Girl all over.
Even reporters stationed on the battlefields of Iraq don't flinch this much.
As she walks away, she realizes that she probably just looked really drunk on camera. "I meant to say reciprocal...I mean recipe...recipreci....no fair!!" She insists that Publicist Guy makes that interview disappear. Riiiight. Good luck with that. Reporter Girl looks gives her a look that says "There's no way in Hell, lady. Have a drink."
One interview left. She asks the reporter when he's ever seen pictures of her out drinking and partying. "As if!" She's too busy working, and creating, and... multitasking. She doesn't have time to go out. She gets shitfaced at home or at dinner with friends. A lot of celebrities don't take being a role model seriously, but she's been a teacher for twenty years, dammit, and she wants those little girls to look up to her! Um...get on a stool?
Simon, Randy and Tink are there to support her onstage. After Tink makes the obligatory "Cowell shops at Baby Gap" joke, Simon says there would be no heart on American Idol without Paula, and they L-O-V-E her. AWWWW!!!! I almost squirted a couple out.
My heart was refrozen instantly when Robert Goulet popped up on my TV. What the hell is he still doing alive?!? He says nice stuff about Paula, but I can't hear it because my TV is covered in silly string. Leave me alone, Robert Goulet!
Stop torturing me, Goulet!
Paula'a night was a huuuge success, and she's proud of facing the media so honestly. LOLOLLLLL!! Wait. She's not kidding. Oh, and she's TIIIIIRRRRED!!!!
Since the media bought her pack o' lies and wrote nice stuff about her, she was invited on the Tonight Show. Kiley is in charge of driving the new Range Rover to the studio, and watching her try to figure out how to back out of the wide ass driveway had me in stitches. Paula yells the whole time and finally takes out her keys and presses the car alarm buttons toward the street. Oh, Paula!
Hey! I made that cloud move!
When she finally gets on the stage, Leno simply asks "What's goin' on, nut nut?" Paula says the whole "Paula's an addict" thing was a mistake. She was being asked one question from one city while she was on air with another, and it made her look crazy during her junket. Ah, honesty. Feels good, doesn't it? She's happy as a peach because the (lie pie) interview went well and now the tide is turning... until next week, where she shows up late for something and has a crying cow. I'm not sure what happens, but whatever it is inspires her to utter the line "I'm sick of people not treating me like the gift that I am" with a straight face. Dammit. Now I have to watch next week. I'll get you for this, Bravo!!!
« Auditiongasm: Round One: Group Three | Main | Recap: Big Brother: Jen Tried To Kiss Me »
Comments (6)
This show is so fantastically fucked up, I can't contain myself. The entire time I'm watching this crapfest, I'm thinking how wonderfully you will recap it!!! Oh Paula, you tired little, creative non-recreational drug user you. That publicist needs a raise, or an award.
1 of 6 | Posted by may1
|
Posted on July 11, 2007 8:22 AM
Best train wreck EVER! Paula must be totally delusional even when she's not on one med or another. Wow! There's so much rich ore to mine on this show, you're going to have your salary doubled!
2 of 6 | Posted by Tony A.
|
Posted on July 11, 2007 10:22 AM
Fantastic recap Flipit, as usual. My favourite part is that Paula somehow managed to summon up her last reserves of courage to go out and grab a whole bunch of expensive free crap. What a martyr! Will her suffering and giving never end? Hey Darfur refugees, stop your whining and spare a thought for poor Paula.
3 of 6 | Posted by bdos88
|
Posted on July 11, 2007 10:36 AM
New drinking game: everytime Paula says "I'm so tired", you do a shot. In less than half an hour, you'll be drunk and acting as stupidly as Paula does.
4 of 6 | Posted by murphena
|
Posted on July 12, 2007 8:23 PM
New drinking game: everytime Paula says "I'm so tired", you do a shot. In less than half an hour, you'll be drunk and acting as stupidly as Paula does.
5 of 6 | Posted by murphena
|
Posted on July 12, 2007 8:24 PM
yes!!! perfect game. but she doesn't drink, so maybe we should change it to every time she says she's tired we pop some kind of pill. anyone know a good online pharmacist?
6 of 6 | Posted by Flipit
|
Posted on July 13, 2007 11:20 AM