Last week, Paula was not treated like the gift that she is and her Jewelry Rep Guy at QVC had the nerve to ask her to pay for jewelry for the entire cast and crew of American Idol. THE NERVE!
She's still stuck in Detroit waiting to get a plane out to NY to do the Letterman Show. Will it work out, or will she miss another chance to make an ass out of herself on national TV? Only one way to find out! This is Holy Mother, Did You Really Just Say That, Paula? !
The show opens with Paula stuck in her hotel room with the girls from her staff. This is the perfect time to lay her butt down and get some sleep, as she's really super dreadfully horribly tiiiiiirrreeedddd!!!! Instead, she's bought beef jerkey shaped (purposely) like dog poop. The only place we've seen her shop is at QVC. Are they selling beef jerkey poop over at the QVC store, now? Wouldn't put it past em. Jackie Stallone needs something to hock. what with her brilliant Papaya Cream off the market. Anyhoo, Paula has decided to put this fake poo in one of her assistant's beds. Oh, Paula. You're such a card. And we wonder why these people seem to go out of their way to make Paula fail.
Insert: fake poo pic
The lucky punk'd-ee is Paula's wardrobe assistant (how many does she have? And why do they all dress her like Stevie Knicks? And how did she not have sweat pants packed for her plane ride? And why does no one know how to treat Paula like a GODDAMN GIFT?!?!) Paula sits outside the Wardrobe Ass. Girls's door so she can hear her when she screams. Happy Secretary's Day, sucka!
Finally, Wardrobe Ass does scream. Kiley opens their door and throws the poop out of the room. "Bitch!" LOL, atta girl, K. Paula rolls around the floor laughing. Kind of like how I do week after week when I post this picture.
ROFL!
Paula has been so overworked and exhausted that it felt good to get her laughing endorphins going. Good for you! Glad fuckin' with your employees gave you a kick. Maybe you should wander the streets of Detroit til you find a freezing homeless person to throw your coffee on. Talk about a lift! It's nice to see Paula having such a great time. Will this finally be that episode that features a happy Paula?
Not to fear! Treo's here! Still laughing, Paula checks her phone email. Before she even gets through it, she starts chattering nonsense. "The most...hideous experience for me to go through....how horrible I am treated..." She tells us that the movie Bratz, the one she was working sooooo hard on, has just fired her ass. Woops. Get Publicist Guy on that! Oh, right. You already did.
She just doesn't understand how she can work her ass off and these things just keep happening! I have a feeling that it has something to do with being a whiny addicted pain in the cornhole who shows up hours late or not at all. Just a guess.
Make Kiley do it for you!
She sobs, and I feel for her. Kinda. Even though I'm laughing. Her wardrobe team is in the other room giggling, which sets her off. She screams at them and we see Kiley stifle laughter, like "what happened to the Joker with the jerky poo?" That personality is dead, girls. Sorry. Get your asses back to putting together some Stevie Knicks-ware for the Letterman show and give time Paula to FEEEL!
Paula asks us, with a crinkly cry-ey face, "Where's God when you need him?" God had a conflict on this one, hon. He was trying to save The Bratz Movie from extinction. One tacky ho doll at a time.
The next morning, Paula wakes up and swallows three bottles of scrips. Darn. Hope that doesn't mean no more crying.
Aw, memories. It's like it just happened yesterday!
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Comments (6)
Dear Flipit, this is far and away your best Hey, Paula recap yet. Floating head? Sophie's Choice? OMG, stop, my tummy hurts. LOVE.
1 of 6 | Posted by LonnaSaur![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 26, 2007 1:55 PM
Great recap but QVC is actually outside of Philly -- not Detroit.
2 of 6 | Posted by murphena![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 26, 2007 5:12 PM
you are so right. i don't know what i was thinkin. cold cementy places i guess. thanks murph, and lonna love.
3 of 6 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 26, 2007 5:20 PM
Flipit... you are awesome. This is one of the funniest recaps I've read. I'm sure my coworkers are wondering why I'm LOL hysterically.
Look forward to the next one!
4 of 6 | Posted by NashvilleGuy![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 27, 2007 10:26 AM
Funny stuff -- thanx for taking a bullet for us all (so we don't haveta watch it).
Yep (#1) that "floating head / sophie's choice. but sadder" stuff was truly priceless.
*heart*
5 of 6 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 29, 2007 5:44 PM
"...so we can't see what she really looks like under all that MAC." = spewed water on cat in lap. Genius! MAC is my hero... Please remind me not to eat or drink while reading Flipit recaps...
6 of 6 | Posted by killbondnow![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 30, 2007 2:30 PM