She and her crew are still stuck in Detroit, so they go shopping for a bunch of cheezy gifts. Pretty boring so I won't rehash it here. Paula lost an earring. WAAAHHHHH!!!
Finally, it's time to go to NY. All she needs to do now is get Cojo and Speechwriter Guy to NY too, so they can get her ready for taping. Once they're there, she promises us she'll be one happy girl. "It doesn't take much, I promise!" Just an entire Summit of worker bees, a maid to pick up at least 15 piles of poo a day, free jewelry, sweat pants for the plane, a blanket to roll around the floor on, and anything off the Panda express menu. Oh, and Cojo. Get me COJO!
Unfortunately (for her, not us), she is gently but firmly told that the boys are snowed in and their flights were cancelled. Uh-oh. Paula starts bitching at Producer Guy. She needs them and she needs them now! She doesn't have the ABILITY to call salons! Sounds riduclous, but I don't doubt it. I've seen her try to get Doritos out of a snack machine.
Paula has a new assistant who I'm betting will not be around for long. The poor girl looks sad and confused by what's happening around her at all times, and the few times she's narrated Paula's shenanigans for us, she's sounded like she's telling a ghost story round a campfire. The show should be about this chick. She's been on the past couple episodes (...past three. Four? Has she been there the whole time?). but I wouldn't be able to pick her out in a lineup. Come to think of it, all of Paula's employees (save Kiley and Cojo) blend into their surroundings. Coincidence? As they are leaving the hotel, Wardrobe Assistant wears a shirt the exact same print as the horrible hotel walls. She looks like a floating face.
If These Walls Could Talk (They'd Be Fired)
In the limo, it's made clear that Cojo and Speech Guy are snowed in and will not be able to fly. New Girl pretends she's going over some very important paperwork while Paula loses her shit and repeats "COJO! HAIR MAKEUP! COJO! HAIR MAKEUP!" over and over again. Kiley smiles the whole time, uncomfortable but loving it.
Paula tells us that she is annoyed with her team. She wants an airplane to fly in a snowstorm, and they should make it happen. Producer Guy gets on the horn and over the loop of "COJO! HAIR MAKEUP!" we hear him saying "Hey, yeah it's me. I'm just calling so we can get in front of this whole weather thing." Who is he planning on getting to change the weather? I have a feeling he's just dialing Moviefone until Paula's meds kick in and she passes out for the rest of the trip. No one mentions that Cojo could die if he flew in a snow storm, but that's not really the point. Where is Paula supposed to find someone to do her hair and makeup for TV? IN A TELEVISION STUDIO?
Producer Guy repeats "Cojo! Cojo!" into the phone, hoping his boss will see that he's making an effort. Paula zones out and rocks back and forth for minute. Scrip Trip. Wait a second. Who cares about Cojo? She's gotta be herself in front of millions of people in a few hours! How the hell is she gonna do that without Speech Guy? Realizing she's been fighting the wrong battle, she starts sobbing and insisting that if there's only one seat on a plane, she'd rather have Speech Guy. It's like Sophie's Choice. But sadder.
"I'd rather have my hair done at JC Penny than to not have a personality!" Do they do hair at JC Penny? Wait, is that store even still around, or is that just random poor person trivia she's using for the sake of argument? I'm offended. She cries about being vulnerable as ever and then chokes "I need help!" The first step to recovery. Touching. Limo Driver Guy pulls over to the side of the road and pumps her stomach.
By the time they get to NY, Paula has sobered up (thanks, Limo Guy!) and both Cojo and Speech Guy have made it! How in the Hell did that happen in such short time? Wow. Crying and wailing really works! I have to call and get an extension on my car payment tomorrow. I'm totally using that.
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Comments (6)
Dear Flipit, this is far and away your best Hey, Paula recap yet. Floating head? Sophie's Choice? OMG, stop, my tummy hurts. LOVE.
1 of 6 | Posted by LonnaSaur
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Posted on July 26, 2007 1:55 PM
Great recap but QVC is actually outside of Philly -- not Detroit.
2 of 6 | Posted by murphena
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Posted on July 26, 2007 5:12 PM
you are so right. i don't know what i was thinkin. cold cementy places i guess. thanks murph, and lonna love.
3 of 6 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on July 26, 2007 5:20 PM
Flipit... you are awesome. This is one of the funniest recaps I've read. I'm sure my coworkers are wondering why I'm LOL hysterically.
Look forward to the next one!
4 of 6 | Posted by NashvilleGuy
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Posted on July 27, 2007 10:26 AM
Funny stuff -- thanx for taking a bullet for us all (so we don't haveta watch it).
Yep (#1) that "floating head / sophie's choice. but sadder" stuff was truly priceless.
*heart*
5 of 6 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on July 29, 2007 5:44 PM
"...so we can't see what she really looks like under all that MAC." = spewed water on cat in lap. Genius! MAC is my hero... Please remind me not to eat or drink while reading Flipit recaps...
6 of 6 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on July 30, 2007 2:30 PM