We start with Paula wandering through her bedroom as Cojo buzzes around her trying to apply her eyeliner. She's muttering nonsense as usual, but her tone is definitely different today. Instead of another "horrible!people treat me...where's God?notneverdrunk" loop, we're treated to a rendition of "lipgslosses! I want contacts...ilovethisbathroom!" we've never heard before! Impressive! Did someone get a nap?

She may be in a better mood, but she's still busy busy busy so so so crazy busy. Don't believe me? Just look at the poor little thing!

Hello, MovieFone? Hello? I don't think he can hear me.

Today she has so much to do and she has to deal with her "real people" friends to boot! Yay! Paula has friends! Who don't work for her! Aw, I'm totally squirting one out. The girls bring over bags of candy, which is what I always take over to my skinny friend's houses. I like these girls immediately. Paula takes one look at them and tells Cojo "When I get in my new house, I'm gonna make sure the lighting's good." Ouch.

Paula gets a look at what she'd be without Cojo.

The girls want to go to an Oscar Event. They don't care about the awards ceremony. They're more interested in the gifting suite. Atta girls! You come with Blow Pops and leave with designer swag. There's a best selling self help book in there somewhere.

On top of having to wade through oceans of free shit while being nice to the "real people friends"and learning to dial her new BlackBerry, Paula has to worry about moving, too! Since she's getting work done on her house, she'll be staying at a rental. She invites Cojo to check out the new space and he reminds her that she asked him to help her design it. She cutely runs out of the room without getting her mascara applied. That kooky diva! Cojo seems to think this remodeling job's gonna be a cruise in the park, but I'm already scared for him.

Brush your tongue.

In the car ride on the way to the Gifting Suite, Paula tells her real people friends about her painful neck injury and they smile and nod like they haven't heard any of this before. A neck injury is the worst possible kind of injury any human being could ever suffer. She's had fourteen surgeries, and the only thing that helps is lots and lots of pills. And vodka. And sex with minors. Then her phone rings and she fights with Publicist Guy, who apparently hasn't been fired yet. (sad horns) "You can't put this on me! I feel like you're blaming me! Where's God?" Can't tell what they're arguing about, but it doesn't matter. She's working. I get it. Her friends smile politely and dream of the jewels they're about to pocket.

While Paula wanders around the halls of the hotel the Gifting Suite is being hosted at trying to find cell service, Cojo wanders around the phat rental house with Interior Designer Lady. He's working very hard on creating. And by working hard I mean saying "ok, I can't wait to see what you do!" to the Interior Designer Lady. Paula finally gets through to him, and he tells her that ID Lady has to leave in forty five minutes! That's bonkers! Paula and her friends just got to the ocean of free crap! She can't leave now! She doesn't say this. Instead, she pretends she loses reception, leaving Cojo standing around awkwardly with Real Estate Lady.

So...how bout that Nancy Reagan? What an inspiration, huh?

When forty five minutes are up, Cojo looks sadly out the window like a little kid trying to find his dad in the soccer stands. "I knew she wasn't gonna come." Awwww! Cojo! Come here and let me hug you! No, wait. Seriously. Brush your tongue.

Interior Designer Lady tells him not to worry. She's made many a client happy, he just has to trust her. Meanwhile, Paula picks out a ginormous clunky diamond necklace and then goes into the hallway to argue "it's his fault! Wah! I didn't do it!" into the phone. Jesus Christ. What is she talking about? I'm way more interested in these phone conversations than the real people getting free shit and Cojo watching someone design a house storylines. Come on, Bravo! Feed the people!

No wonder your neck hurts.

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Posted in Hey Paula! by Flipit at 11:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: Pegster on Aug 2, 2007 04:45 PM.

Comments (3)

bdos88 :

Could it be? Am I first? Sweet chicken! Hilarious recap as always. I don't even know what to say about Paula's childish behaviour anymore, words escape me.

BTW Flipit: 'God spelled backwards is God.' Was this your mistake or Paula's? Either way it made me giggle.

1 of 3 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on August 2, 2007 8:44 AM

Flipit :

Words escape you?? Imagine how I feel! Hah. What a nutcase. Thanks for reading bdos! And yes, God spelled backwards is God is a direct quote. These recaps write themselves. Xo

2 of 3 | Posted by Flipit | Posted on August 2, 2007 11:31 AM

Pegster :

Paula spelled backwards is Crazy Bi-atch.

If her goal in making this show was to make me hate her, then congratulatons, Paula: Mission Accomplished.

And you would totally hit Cojo-make-up-messed-up the design-of the house guy, dirty tongue or not. Who you tryin' to kid? Ha.

3 of 3 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on August 2, 2007 4:45 PM

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