First up was Wang Chung, performing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight." It's a classic song where everybody knows the refrain, but nobody knows the actual words. Once again, the show started off with performers who weren't fat. This is really starting to piss me off. What's worse, Wang Chung was not exactly lighting it up on the screen. The lead singer looked like what I imagined Rutger Hauer looked like in 1987.

One of the highlights of the evening was Sophie B. Hawkins. You could tell she was very excited to be on stage to sing "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover." Sophie wasn't that old when she fell out of our minds, so thirteen years later, you have to admit that she really isn't looking half bad. She is, unfortunately, a huge hippie. I'm sure she burns hemp-flavored candles from the Yankee Candle Company, drives a Prius, and buys only organic fruit from the most obscure of farmer's markets. Still, you have to give it to her, she was really into her song, and was dancing around (no shoes, of course) and throwing her hands up in the air, displaying her pit stains for all the world to see. It was so hot, she decided to take off her shirt, and finished the song wearing nothing but a wife beater (she obviously burned all of her bras). Also, was it irony or vanity that inspired her to wear the wife beater with "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" in pink lettering across the front?

Only raise your hands if you're Sure...