NBC Hit Me Baby, With 1 More Reason To Pick Up A Book - UPDATED - 
by madeyoulaugh
Last night, NBC introduced Los Angeles as "the center of the music universe" as it unveiled its sorrowful HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME. Initial impulse is to make a snarky comment about that quote, but with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Ho-Han both artists of their own albums, I can't help but shrug and think, "Eh, this could explain a few things."
With the exception of Spring Break Shark Attack, I haven't done a traditional TVGasm recap or review in several months, focusing more on the TVGossipGasm, and general commentary. But this show, in all its craptastic splendor, has motivated me to share my fair and balanced review.
UPDATED - J-Unit adds some pictures.
After an overproduced intro reminiscent of a NOW THATS MUSIC 7 CD infomercial, the show introduced what appeared to be the winner of the Tom Welling look alike contest 2003 held at Westminster Abby University, Vernon Kay. I've never ached for the subtle flamboyance of Ryan Seacrest as I did watching this stiff Brit's explanation of the shows format.
Much like FOX scoured the nation for contestants to appear on Idol, NBC scoured the vaults of VH1's Where Are They Now contact sheet to find retro acts to appear on Hit Me Baby. Apparently, "retro" is now synonymous with "has been" and "wash out." Who knew? These retro artists, made up of Ce Ce Peniston, A Flock Of Seagulls, Loverboy, Arrested Development and Tiffany, are gathered and thrust on the stage to perform the hit that made them famous. Once all the stars have been sufficiently humiliated, in a "Hey, Gary Coleman, say 'whatchu talkin about Willis?'" kind of way, they then come back and sing a "current hit." I for one was surprised Enrique Englasias' "HERO" is a current hit, but whatever. When all is said and done the audience, using cutting edge technology borrowed from Bob Saget's America's Funniest Home Videos old set, votes for the former celeb that performed the best for the night.
The winner receives a second chance at stardom by getting an image consultant, a recording contract, and a concert tour. Nah, I’'m just kidding. Those stakes are too high and would make this hemorrhoid on the ass of Reality TV almost enjoyable. Rather, the winner gets to play 20 seconds of their song while the credits roll over them. They also get a donation made in their name by corporate giant, Ameriquest Mortgage Company. If you have a show on NBC primetime and you can't even get a WAL*MART to kick in some bucks but need to go to Ameriquest Mortgage Company, you know you’'re screwed.
My personal highlight of the night was when Clark Kent introduces the band Loverboy. They were young, energetic and "made had headbands a heavy metal staple." As the now band of 3 took the stage one couldn’t help but notice Jack Nicholson seems to have taken over as the front man. He was barely able to squeal his way through the off key and somewhat constipated sounding "Working for the Weekend." The lyric "everyone deserves a second chance" never sounded so sad to me.
Loverboy has changed their name to LoverDunkinDonuts
This show was #1 in its time slot for the full hour though lost some ratings in the second half to a re-run of CSI.
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